rest in peace

Today I got a phone call from James to tell me that Martha passed away some time over the weekend, he wasn't sure when...and they had just told him today.

Martha was one of the people I would see weekly at the facility that I volunteer at. I think I have been visiting Martha about 6 years or so.  She was one of the most interesting people I have ever met, she had a dry and outrageous sense of humor, and she would say the wisest things to me....usually about taking care of business and not sweeping something under the rug, about not sweating the small stuff, and about enjoying every minute of things that you can, because it just all comes and goes so fast. 

She wore a necklace that had runes on it, and whenever a topic of something metaphysical would come up, she would always wink at me with a smile.  She was very well read and watched the news on PBS and was totally versed on current events.  As sharp as a tack as she was, in these last couple of years, she would get confused from time to time.  She would sometimes talk about how she was planning on moving out into her own apartment (and as far as I could glean, that was not even remotely an option).

She did talk about her father quite a bit, but she would never answer questions for me about whether she had been married or not.  I know she never had kids. I have always had this sneaking suspicion that she may have had a female partner but I never did confirm that, because I was too shy to ask. It seemed like prying. I do know that over the years that I visited Martha, she had a friend that would come pick her up every other week or so and drive her to her post office box...but I only ever saw the person once as they were driving away.  I have no way of knowing if there are family or friends that are planning a funeral or memorial, and of course, the convalescent hospital cannot divulge that sort of information to me because I am not family.  TheMostImportantGuy and I  did a search on the internet today but came up empty handed.

It could be that nothing has been planned. It could be that there is no one to plan it.

I knit that shawl she is wearing in the photo, by the way.  She tried it on after I finished it and it suited her so well, I gave it to her.
Funny thing?
At present, that shawl happens to be here, in my house.

The pink shawl I gave her is on the bottom/left, and I also knit the lighter pink one on the upper/right.  I was going to enter one or the other (or both) in my local County Fair this year, as entering was one of the goals for the year that I had set for myself back in January.  Martha had loaned the shawl back to me so I could enter it if I wanted to.

I never entered the Fair.
*sigh*
I was about to.  I was all jazzed up about it actually, and then one day I was talking to a friend and she implied that winning my local county fair wasn't very prestigious because the local competition wasn't very challenging.  She sort of implied that I needed to "enter a good fair," if winning was to mean anything really, and there was something about that whole conversation that sort of took the wind out of my sails, and I never got around to entering (granted, the days I would have brought it in for entry were the very same days that the pluming had broken and the ceiling had fallen in and the kitchen was down to the wire...but still).

I never entered.
And the deadline passed, and I could have just kicked myself for not following through on something I had set as a goal for myself, and for allowing the opinions of others to lead my around in such a way. I was supposed to return it to Martha this week, and I was dreading telling her that I never entered, because she knew that this would be the third year I talked about entering, and didn't.  I knew that once I told her I didn't do it that she'd read me the riot act.....quietly....probably just by raising her eyebrow and looking down her nose at me a little bit...and then laughing.  She was funny like that.

Every week Martha would ask me what was new , and I would tell her stories about what was going on in my life, and if she even caught a whiff that I was doing something half-assed, she would often give me this look that was something like, "You can do better than that," but not in a way that made me feel like a failure. More like she knew what I was capable of and was wondering why I didn't apply myself.  It was always done lovingly and with encouragement.  I never felt like a loser, just like I should try harder, because I could.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense. 




And so now here I have this shawl of Martha's.

If it really is true that there is no family to clear out Martha's personal items, I know that it would have gone straight into the garbage or it may have been washed in hot water and sanitizing who-knows-what and then it would have been thrown into a donations box with the rest of her belongings.

I  know that the shawl is a nice thing to have, and I know that timing is strange thing, and I know that the mysterious way of the universe is probably bringing the shawl back to me so that I will have this reminder of Martha...something of hers that was special for both of us....a keepsake.

But right this very minute it just does not feel nice having it.
It feels sad.

I am very very sad.

dont wanna dont wanna dont wanna dont wanna

Maaaaaaan!!! I was all just about ready for bed...tucked in an everythang....and then, "Sheeeeit I have to blogpost!!!"
* sigh *

This 365 days of blogging thing just kills me sometimes.

Well rather than just leave it at that (which quite frankly I'd love to), I will tell you that on Thursday...when I went teach the knitting class I told you about? The one at the senior center? I had a new lady show up.

And she spoke no english.

She already knew how to knit (thank gawd) but she wanted to make a scarf from a pattern that was printed in english on the ball band of her yarn.

So what we had was 90 minutes of me teaching knitting with my high school spanish, plus my kitchen spanish, from when I was a caterer. In other words, I could ask her where the bathroom was, or if she could help slice potatoes. But I didn't know how to say knit or purl.

I do now, though ;-). She taught me.

It was great fun actually. We knitterz really all speak the same language, dont you know? One of the funniest parts of the afternoon was when one of the other ladies Lee, tried to jump in and help translate and started TALKING REAL LOUD so that Eloisa, our new attendee would understand.

In my lack of self control over these matters (people talk loud to amputees too, by the way), I yelled out, "LEE, I THINK SHE KNOWS HOW TO PURL EVEN THOUGH SHE CANT SAY SO," at which point Lee replied, "Oh my god, I cant believe I just said that louder...as if it will help," which was followed by Eloisa breaking up into a fit of laughter, because obviously you didn't need to know what was actually being said to decipher the situation. And then we ALL cracked up.

Next class I will I will be armed. I found several translation pages for knitting terms online, and I also found the spanish version of Knitty, basically....so I can print a few things for her. If I wasn't so tired and on the iPad I'd add the links, but I am going to hit the hay instead so I can make early morning practice at the zen center. If you guys really want them, I'll add them tomorrow.

xo!

-----
Sent from my iPad

my rockin' senior pals

It's been awhile since I've done any updating about the convalescent hospitals I volunteer at. I think the last time may have been when I showed the fall themed knit-covered wreath that TheKnittingLadies and I worked on putting together. Well, we banged out another one for Valentine's Day.

This one is a bit smaller (we have less knitters attending right now). To make these, we just simply knit a mishmash of swatches basically, and we tack them onto a foam core with greening pins. It's a great group project because no matter how much one can knit, one can contribute. You could even stick a little 3-row strip on there, if you had to. It's sort of like a crazy quilt.

We also have a couple of knitters in the bunch who fret about mistakes and so they rip out and re-knit over and over, and then we never get enough fabric to cover our core. With this project I just tell them to not worry about their mistakes, because we just tuck them under bows and flowers or other swatches or whatnot, and they seem to find that freeing.

We finished that wreath at the beginning of February, and TheLadies are asking to make a spring themed one, which I am sure we will.

This week however, the knitting group was canceled to make room for Fat Tuesday and a Mardi Gras party.



The highlight was that a musician was brought in, and he played piano and sang for an hour. Toes were tappin', lemme tell ya'. Click on the guy's website (Macy Blackman & The Mighty Fines) and you will hear why. He was awesome. I'm going to have to go see one of his local gigs, I liked it so much.

Everyone in the house got beads and there were masks and hats.

hey look, my new hat fit right in--LOL

Notice Ms.Bridget of TheKnittingLadies on the far left there...not sure if you can see it, but she's working on a hat. She never puts her knitting down.

Right next to me there though is Ivy (in her handknit scarf, no less).
I must tell you about Ivy.
For starters, she is lovely. Very elegant. This photo and that mask don't do her justice.
Ivy was wheeled into TheKnittingLadies during her first week as a resident because someone saw some of her handiwork. When she came in though, she was not all the comfortable being there. She said (and continues to say) in her lovely english accent, "that her knitting days are over." And then she'll go on to tell you about all the "jumpers" she knit for her kids during the war, and sweaters for grandchildren. Once she told me about making a rag rug for her diningroom. Huge. Like wall to wall.

After awhile of coming, Ivy would say that her knitting days were over and that her eyes were bad and she could no longer see, and her hands didnt work anymore, and she would wheel herself on out of the room. I always invited her to stay even if she wasn't knitting because we have tea and I bring a stack of ladies magazines for the non-knitters that cruise in regularly. Anyhow, one day, she was saying her knitting days were over, and the knitter next to me took a break to have her tea and a cookie, and she took her knitting and passed it across the table to Ms.Ivy and said, "Here. Work on this while I drink my tea."

And Ms.Ivy started knitting.
And knitting, and knitting.
She said she couldnt really see what she was doing, but she could feel it...and let me tell you, she didn't make a single mistake.

It made my eyes water :-)

And she still says her knitting days are over, and doesn't come that often, but I usually drag her in anyhow and stick a pair of needles in her hands that already has a couple of rows on it, and she just goes right at it. Cracks me up. And then she leaves saying she doesnt knit anymore.

I love her :-)

pile it on, please

This is not the post I had planned for tonight. Was hard at work on something entirely different. But just a few minutes ago I got a call from James (he's my main buddy at the convalescent hospital I volunteer visit at), and now my heart is just not it.

We lost Rodger yesterday.

It's a huge surprise to everyone. I mean, yeah...he was a patient in a convalescent hospital so clearly there were some health issues. But nothing pressing. He was stable. For crying out loud, I just saw him last week. In the last month or so I have sat down with him at lunch and/or visited him for chat in his room. TheMostImportantGuy and I had a nice chat when we visited after Christmas, too. Old and feeble, but sharp as a tack, and again...no signs of decline.

James thinks he had a heart attack, but he's only got that much info through the rumor mill. The ambulance was called for him, and apparently he didn't look so great as they were wheeling him out. Obviously, he didn't make it back.

I go there tomorrow for my regular visits. Maybe I'll run into his family.
*sigh*

I guess if you're gonna spread it on, spread it on thick.

another in my cast of characters

Ohhhhhh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!

It's 11:44pm, I just got home and am settling down after dance class...and I don't have a blogpost done for today (and there is no way I am going to get the retreat post done at this hour--I've blown it again). And I reallllly want to go to bed.

Lemme do this much.
Let me introduce you to one of the ladies from the knitting circle at the convalescent hospital that I volunteer at.

I'm going to introduce you to Marie. Marie is always cold and is usually buried under several blankets. She doesn't knit, but she almost always comes to our group and joins us at the table. She loves to look at what people are working on and what I've knit that I might be wearing. I bring magazines that she will flip through, and the activities director often brings us tea and cookies to share. She usually falls asleep sometime mid-cookie.

After a couple months of coming, Marie showed up saying she'd like to try to knit. I was very excited! I whipped out some supplies and cast-on and knit a row for her. I sat behind her/next to her and I helped her through her first few stitches. I left her to work on it for just a minute while I helped someone else at the table untangle a mess, and when I turned back to her to see how she was doing.......



Ok. There's your bedtime story ;-)
And now *I* go to bed!!

ellie

It's high time I start introducing y'all to more of the cast of characters that comprise my life.

I interact with a whooole lot of folks as part of my volunteer work. I belong to an organization called LITA (Love is the Answer). They match you up with a buddy in the hospital who does not get visitors, and then you see that person weekly for some one-on-one time. My first buddy was when I was in my early 20's. I visited her for a couple of years, and then she passed away. After that, I took one very long break from the commitment, but more recently I have been matched up with James (whom I have written about before, and will write about again very soon).

But really, the visits have not been all that one-on-one. I have been coming and going from the hospital to see James for close to three years now, and I have gotten to know many other residents. I always stop and chat with three or four of them for a few minutes on the way out. My time with them has such a profound effect on my thinking and feeling, I can no longer leave them off the blog and still be able to try and explain what's going on in my head or heart. They are an integral part!

Today I'll introduce you to one, and over the next several weeks I will sprinkle in a few more here and there, including the other convalescent gig I do, which is a knitting group. That one is a hoot.

Ok, so here we go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly, I am going to be starting this process with someone that is no longer with us.

November 2008

This is (was) Elinor. Pardon me if I get the tenses wrong throughout this description, but I just found out about her passing this week, and it still has not quite settled in yet.

This woman was a kick in the pants. Definitely one tough cookie. Kind of a no-bullshit, "I grew up in the midwest and almost froze to death during the depression" sort of gal. I dont know how many kids she had, but she definitely had a couple of sons in their mid to late 60's that would come to visit her at lunchtimes, right around the same time of day that I would be visiting James. We'd all sit around and talk and tell stories. I always loved listening to their accents. There was also a granddaughter that would come from time to time, not much older than myself, and she was a knitter.

I think that Ellie was in her late 90's. She was very hard of hearing, blind in one eye and pretty close to that in the other. When I first met her she'd put her hand out near my legs and feel around to make sure that I was "that one legged chick". We eventually got familiar enough that she recognized my voice more quickly, I think. Mentally, she was sharp as a tack. She would always ask me about MyFavoriteKid, and if I had told her I was going to do something interesting during the next week, she'd always follow up to ask me how it went. She was a straight shooter. I would not call her a complainer, but let me tell you, she called it like she saw it....especially when it came to the hospital staff and how they handled her.

Now, right around the time this photo was taken (last November), Ellie was complaining about how cold it was in there, and dang-nav-it, what she needed was a hat. She wanted to me to knit it, and she wanted a beanie, but not too tight, and she wanted it to be blue, light blue, so it complimented her eyes (and I think most of her wardrobe).

Guys.

*sigh*

I never. knit. the hat.

The day she had asked me for it, I came home right away and found some yarn that was the right color, and then I realized it was wool, and that she would definitely need something that could be tossed into the hospital laundry. It took me weeks (it may even have been months) to get my arse into a shop that carried that sort of thing...and even then, even after I had the yarn, I still did not knit the hat.

A HAT, people.
(for those of you non-knitters out there, my skill level should have me banging out a hat in a day or two...this is not rocket science)

this is the yarn I had purchased, intending to do some fair-isle sort of thing

Then came our early spring her in Northern California, where we had temps in the upper 90's in what was it, March?? ....and well...it was no longer cold, which was another perfect excuse, and I just never knit it.

About a week ago, I got to thinking that fall was coming around again, and I had the yarn, and still no hat, and I had this guilt hanging over me, and dang-nav-it...I should knit the hat. And that is when it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Ellie in a few weeks.

Now, this is not entirely unusual. Sometimes a resident will have a spell where they take their lunches in their rooms, in bed...like after a fall, or a bout of...well...whatever....any number of things. So I went down to her room to say hi, and guess what?!

She's gone. She passed away about a month ago. Passed pretty quietly, with no trip to the "hospital-hospital". She just left.

And with no hat.

It really hit me hard, in a small part because this "not following through" theme has been cropping up all over the place lately, but mostly because....well....I'm just flat out going to miss her.