Monday, October 03, 2005

pc for prosthetists

Well, I have to tell you...now that I have a disability, I have been exposed to a whole new sub-set of PC Lingo.

In fact, there is a fine example!
I'm not disabled, you see.....oh no, no, no....I have a disability.
Whew.
Glad they cleared that up for me.

Well, at some point I'll do a longer post of some of the terms and labels people have shared with me lately....cuz it's a riot. I'm just dreading the hate mail I'm bound to get. I'm really not entitled to comment on what it's like to be disabled, you know. Being that I still have one leg that functions and it's assumed I will walk with a prosthesis someday, I'm not really disabled like a real disabled person. Oh, and I've only "had this condition" for a year and a half, so what do I know. Right? Riiiiiiiight.

Anywhoooo.....here's the PC term my new medical team has been throwing around:

"soft tissue"

What they are referring to is my "big fat ass". But they just can't come out and say that, now can they?!

See, what happens (in my very layman's terms) when you are an Above the Knee Amputee (AKA) , is that there is suddenly this huge need to locate your "ischeal tuberosity" (looove that word--we use it in my dance class), more commonly known as your "sit bone". When you are fit for the socket portion of your posthesis (the part that goes over your remaining thigh), your sit bone will end up resting on this little shelf that is built into the upper lip of the socket. This is important, because it is onto this little shelf that the bulk of your weight should be going, rather than your weight dropping straight down into your remaning femur and into the bottom of the socket. It's also important that your sit bone make a nice solid contact with this little shelf, because it will make it easier to control the leg when you walk. SO. The prosthetist really needs to know exactly where your sit bone is. Which means they poke at your bumm. Which means that f you have a big fat ass (Oh! *ahem* pardon me!!!), I mean, if you have a lot of "soft tissue," then they realllllly have to poke at your bumm to find it.

So what I get is, "So, you see....it's a bit more of a challenge to contain the sit bone in a person with soft tissue..."
Aye aye aye.
So what you mean is it's hard to get me fitted because my butt is big.
Don't crack me up!!
It's BIG because I've been SITTING ON IT for 18 months now waiting to get PROPERLY FITTED. Argh.


I keep thinking about that stupid little phrase you see in those catalogs full of cottage-style-crafty-crap...you know, the little needle-point wall hangings with the sheep that says "Ewes not fat! Ewes fluffy!!".
Makes me want to knit up something that says:
My butt's not not big! It's soft tissue!
Hmmm...new t-shirt??

Ooooo. Maybe a toilet paper commercial!!:
Soft tissue for your soft tissue!

I know.
Don't quit my day job.

Oh yeah.
I don't even have one right now.

1 comments:

saraarts said...

Funny, Bonnie! The first time I visited my prosthetist, he and his boss explained to me that they were going to try to form a "bony lock" between my "sit bone" and the prosthetic socket. I laughed. I'm just loaded with "soft tissue," well over a yard of it around the fullest measure. "Good luck with that," I told them.

A couple of visits later, I said something about how I still was not ever experiencing anything bony or locked. The boss looked at me with a frown on his face and said, "Oh, we're not going to get a bony lock with you," like this was news he had to break to me -- and like it was somehow my fault.

These men. (sigh)