from qvc (shut up)
I want to be all glowing and calm and serene and breathing and shit.
I am not.
On the surface things are doing pretty okay, I guess. I mean, I have a mountain of laundry and way too many dirty dishes stacked up, but that happens. Not unique. And I'm doing laundry and washing dishes and still finding a little time for myself. So life isn't all that bad.
I think I am getting anxious about getting ready to go on tour...maybe?? I'm not so nervous about being on tour, but it feels like there are a lot of things I need to tend to now in order to be able to be gone for two weeks. The to-do list is big again. Maybe that's it.....??
I think there is something else going on with me though. It has something to do with feeling less supported by people...maybe?? Like, when I need something, I feel like I have less and less people I can go to...?? People are too busy, people are aging, people are away, people are dying.
I don't know. I think in a way I just feel "less supported". Like there is less of a foundation of support underneath me...not that the actual people in my life aren't "in support of me," if that makes any sense at all. The people are they, and they love me and support me, it just feels like I have less places to go when I need help, or advice, or to talk, or to get a hug.
I guess it just feels like it is all shifting, and things (including people, but not just people) I could count on to always be there as a source of comfort....they're just not always there anymore. Or if they are, they aren't functioning in a supportive capacity anymore. And I haven't backfilled with a replacement.
Ooooohhhh, I am babbling!! This is what happens close to midnight over here these days. Hahahahaha.
And thanks for listening.
I'm going to publish this right now, because if I go back to edit it, I will probably erase the whole damned thing.
Please pardon if it is disjointed. Like my brain ;-)