Tuesday, June 20, 2006

homesick for birthday cake

I had a hunch that today I would start feeling homesick, even though it's a bit earlier in the trip for me than when this usually happens. Usually I don't get homesick until I'm at least past the halfway mark, which hasn't happened yet.

But I'm missing the people at home.
I missed my son's first day of summer camp (which was yesterday), and....
I'm also missing his 9th birthday. Which is today.

Okay, okay...I'm a bad mom. I know. I know.

I also know that I'm not exactly "missing" his birthday. I mean, it's not like I forgot it or something. But still. (*sigh*) I already called and sang him "Happy Birthday" this morning, and I had left him a present to open. I have another gift to bring home for him that I picked up on the Venice Boardwalk. He is going to absolutely adore it, not that a gift will set all things right in the world, but it's the kind of gift that is so uniquely personal to him that he will definitely know I was thinking about him while I was down here. And there will be a birthday party for him when he returns.

But MyFK's voice got that lilt in it a couple of days ago (only 3 days after being gone), and he's already asking me when I'm going to come home (even though he knows), and I still have one week to go before I return home! And it is making me so sad!! I hate not being able to really fix things :-(
Luckily I have much to distract me most days. But mornings like this, where I actually have time to myself (which has been rare), I'm missing home.

Having internet access and a bag full of knitting has not meant that I've had time for either one, unfortunately. Pretty much every single opportunity I've had for "off time" has been used up in some other way. Until yesterday I hadn't knit more than 1 or 2 rows on a sock, and I haven't touched the computer in 2 days.

I didn't have to go the workshops Eric taught that were open for the public, but I did...because nobody else in the company really wanted to do it. They all wanted the time off! But in my opinion, at least one of us really needed to be there. I think that Eric needed the support, and I think that the workshop participants really needed a connected with core cast members. The people in the workshop are going to be part of our performance this weekend as a "community chorus" of sorts, and if they'd only really met just Eric, my fear is that they would have a bit of a "us and them" experience come showtime. Core cast members vs. community chorus, if you will.

As it turns out, I acutally got to do some teaching on both days. I led a body alignment technique called " constructive rest" and I also led a guided imagery/visualization/movement exercise called "private place". So that was fun. And the workshop itself was actually quite amazing. It was a lovely group of people at all levels of dance experience (or inexperience), and the structured improvisation pieces we created were absolutley amazing.

Anyhow, point is...I should have been "off" on Saturday until 5pm, and I should have been "off" all of Sunday. But I wasn't. And other mornings and evenings that I should have been "off" I was helping to drive people around, or waiting around at the studio to drive other people around, or just too plain exhausted to even log onto a computer or try to focus on knitting a lace sock.

I finally figured out a way to knit socks during dance rehearsals yesterday, though LOL....and now I'm in business. I've not gotten very far in that one day, but I only have one more repeat of the lace pattern to go before starting the heel. And I've finally got the lace in my system in such a way that I can put it down, run out onto the dance floor, do my bit, then when offstage for 3-5 minutes between things can pick it right back up again. I also cast on for a super simple stockinette sock (remember way back when, when I started using Mega Boot Stretch? I knit one sock for me, then a pair for Karen, a pair for MyFK, and a pair for TheMIG...but never made my second sock? Well, I'm making it.)

Today I'm going to pop into a yarn store that is supposedly near the studio. The only other exploration of the area was Sunday night when I had about three hours on the Venice boardwalk with one of the other dancers. I'm thinking I might have a bit more time over the next couple of days as a van has been rented to shuttle everyone around finally....yay...no more playing taxi for me hopefully.

I've had a chance to catch up on reading a few blogs this morning...but haven't even made coffee yet...so I'm going to go do that and finish reading. Take a shower, pack the dance bag with some food (get this one: a 9 hour rehearsal today), and hit that yarn store for some fondling before I go in for the massive day of dance.


M-H said...

Hey! Look after yourself, y'hear? Glad you've given up the taxi thing. Put yourself first sometimes. Just because you can doesn't mean you have to. [end sermon]

Gray said...

I know what it reels like not to be with your child on a birthday. There is always a certain feeling that something is missing.

It sounds to me like you are using your time incredibly well. It sounds olike you took the ethical and human path by attending the workshops.

Enjoy the rest of your trip!


Sara said...

Good for you, Bonnie! Rock on!

I'll bet you really gave something to those students, and I'm sure Eric appreciated the support.