As I was in the kitchen packing up MyFK's lunch box with the the same ol' little plastic containers with the same ol' food selections, I felt relief. Then I found myself wondering: When did this happen?? When did I start craving a routine?
I mean, I have a loooong history with chaos, especially thriving amidst it. "I do my best work under pressure," and all that...ya' know?
I grew up in a family that generated chaos without even trying. My folks are readers of this blog, and they'd kill me if I listed some of the crazy shit that went on, so you'll just have to take my word for it. (Hopefully) it's safe to tell you this much: when I became a questioning adult and I asked my parents why there were so many insane moments, their rationalization for all the commotion was the motto: "Chaos is good! Imagine how boring life would be without it!" **
Well, okay. True. I'll give you that. But it was good for a couple of years on the couch, too hahaha.
Somewhere in my 20's I realized that I was so used to things always being a constant state of upheaval that even when things were going well I would purposely screw stuff up just to keep things interesting. You know. Little things. Like relationships.
I thoroughly therapized myself through my late 20's/early 30's until I stopped being a chaos-junkie. I quit creating messes where there weren't any, which I had done often, solely for my need of the familiar. I wanted "routine". But chaos was the routine.
I did gain one skill from my crazy childhood. I came away with a knack for thriving well under pressure. And once I stopped creating unneccessary drama in my life, I still went ahead and sought out high pressure situations since I operated well under those conditions. Like culinary school and catering, for example.
Here I am, pushing 40 though, and now what makes me all warm and fuzzy is the stability of a routine, some peace and quiet, a little bit of auto-pilot...and okay....I guess a few surprises here and there wouldn't be so bad, but some good ones would be nice for a change.
No more familiarty with chaos. No more creating chaos. No more thriving in chaos.
I've changed.
But when did that happen??
I'm very curious.
** This will generate a call from my mother to discuss my blog entry. When I grumble, she'll say, "What. Don't I get to comment on your blog like everyone else??" To which I'll respond, ?"Of course. So comment like everyone else. That's what the comments button is for." hahahaha. Love you, Mom. I'm available by phone after 3pm.
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*my favorite thing...watching TheMostImportantGuy's hands*
It's more than a week late, so this seems really stupid, but I want to note a few things about New Year's Eve...for my future feeble mind.
TheMIG was the sound engineer that night for this event (do click and check out the photos...much better than mine):
It was pretty awesome.
Lots of music and dancing (there's some Butt-Cheek-Showing-Samba-Dancing shown down there, so EASILY OFFENDED SCROLLER BEWARE).
At the party, I met two really cool people.
The first person was this guy that was also working back behind the soundboard most of the night. He was recording the live music, I think. What I noticed about him immediately was that he remembered the name of every single person he was introduced to. And of course, I don't know his name. But I really saw the benefit of that skill that night, and it sure makes me want to try harder to play little name games with myself so I'm not a "third time's a charm" kind of person anymore. I will also remember this guy for being totally cool about my jumping up uncontrollably to dance when the music got so good, and letting me hold onto his shoulder so I wouldn't do the one legged tippy-over thingy onto a kajillion dollars of sound equipment. He even danced back at me. So Mr.WhateverYourNameWas, it was really good to meet you, and thank you for dancing with me with no hesitation!
The second person I met was Carleigh (she is over here, too). I saw her when I walked in and was immediately intimidated by her statuesque leggy beauty, and the fact that she was obviously somehow linked to the bellydancing at this event. She was running an information table right next to the sound stage, so we were sitting close by. It was before the doors were opening, and she was meeting and greeting the performers as they arrived. These were going to be the realllly hhhip sorts of bellydancers, and while my own dance troupe creates some amazing pieces of art, we definitely are not the "in crowd".
I just kind of stuffed myself in a little corner while TheMIG worked. The food and the bar weren't open yet, so what's a girl like me to do but pull out a sock in progress and start knitting, right?
Well guess who comes over like a magnet. Ms.Carleigh, who happens to be a just as nice as she is pretty. And guess what? She wanted to fondle my socks. She's a beginning knitter. She's between semesters, has a little bit more time to devote to knitting, and is stoked to learn more. We met up for late night coffee shop knitting last week and she's now working on her first hat. Woohoo!
She's also proactively generous. Carleigh has figured out a way to support tribal cultures by having tribal-style bellydancers (and the like) do benefit shows. Her organization is called Don't Let My People Die. Click. Read. Give. Please.
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The other updates making headline news:
* Legal Issues Bring Insomnia, Midnight Math Calculations About Money
* Boobie Burn Healed, Now In Scar Prevention Mode
* Trip To RV Show Reinforces TheAmpuT Should Consider Spending Money to Offset Pain and Suffering
* Below 20's Temps Predicted This Week, Causing Knitter to Hustle on New Scarf Project
* Stoopid but Protective Dogs Determine New Corn Based Cat Litter is a Yummy Treat. Eaten and Up-Chucked.
7 comments:
eaten and upchucked...oooh silly stoopids! Also, tickets bought! I'm on my way fer sure!
Is that a bag of cigars going into YourFK's lunches? He must be popular in the lunchtime trading, eh? ;)
OK, fess up. What in the world is in the bag with the kid's sandwich??? And how in the world do you get him to eat such healthy food??? Every day when I ask my son what he ate at lunch, his response is "a peanutbutter sandwich".
OMG there's so much in this blog entry that I don't know where to start! Yes, school back in session is a welcome, soothing thing. Striving under chaos? And underappreciated skill. Meeting a nice, beautiful person? Yay! And you helped her with knitting! You are now destined for heaven. Jumping up and dancing uncontrollably - don't lose that. It's great. Insomnia? Not so good, but you just have to tough your way through it. Corn-based cat litter? What the hell where they thinking?? I'm concentrating on moving the cosmic forces to give you a good surprise. Let me know what it is!
I agree with Carrie- there's way too much here to figure out how to comment. That is a complement, not a complaint!
I experienced a sense of loss and yearning for past years, when I used to make my daughter's lunch. Even though it was sometimes exasperating, it felt really nurturing and fulfilling as a parent.
Speaking of parenting, it would be interesting to hear your mom's side of chaos theory.
Happy belated New Year. Thanks for taking the time to write such a great blog last year, and thanks in advance for the coming year's entries. I hope that you have a great year.
you're an excellent writer. I hope you're considering publishing. i enjoy reading about how you're dealing with your new, one-legged life. to me, it's a very mysterious thing to be sans appendage. but you're bringing humor and honesty to something that scares me and I appreciate that. the best to you in '07. i look forward to reading your blog again. ~Z~
Thanks for posting these amazing pictures!
And now, after looking at your son's lunch (and especially those seaweed-wrapped rice crackers), I am off to eat lunch!
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