can i have a do-over?

Nothing has gone well today, and I'd really like to do it over.

The highlights of my suck-ass day were:

* repeatedly falling asleep during mediation practice at the zen center (not exaclty the point).

* going to visit James at the convalescent hospital but never getting to see him because right as I got there, he asked me to wait outside as he needed to be helped to go to the bathroom. Once the CNA's finally got him on the can, they got so caught up in other business and didn't have time to get him off the can for forty-five minutes. So after over and hour for his potty adventure, and then my time up with him was over.

* while James was doing his "thing" and I was sitting in the hallway, I had to listen to this poor old man foreverrrrrrr yelling from the shower area: Help me. I want to lay down. Help me. I want to lay down. Help me. I want to lay down. I'm cold. I'm cold. Help me. I want to lay down. Help me. I want to.....

* so I went down the hall to visit Martha only to find out that her roommate had passed away last week.

* I got home and tried to make it all go away by finishing knitting the body of the lace neck warmer thing I am working on. After I knit the body, I picked up around the edges, and was almost entirely finished with the whole damn thing, when I realized that the body of the lace neck warmer thing wasn't really knit long enough in the first place and wont sit comfortably around my neck. It fits. It's just not a flattering fit. And now I have to find the balls to rip all my work back out.



~~~The kicker was that I didn't catch the length problem sooner because I was too busy pondering the worst thing that happened today (which took place between falling asleep at the zen center and James being stuck on the crapper):


There was a very distressed looking seagull walking down the middle of a very very busy frontage road running alongside a very wide and busy freeway interchange. He was wandering around, and cars were stopping, but some were very close to hitting him. It looked like his wing was broken. As I got closer, and I saw that he was wrapped up in holiday curling ribbon and fishing line. I pulled over and tried calling the emergency services number and animal services and I was getting the total run around, and all the while PoorMrSeagull was getting closer and closer to being run over.

So I got out of my car, got in my wheelchair, grabbed the stadium/picnic blanket that I keep in the trunk, and my mini scissors from my knitting bag. I couldn't imagine him letting me get near him, but what else was I going to do, because animal services said it would be a few hours, and I was freaking out that he was going to get hit.

When I got not even a little bit close to PoorMrSeagull, he freaked. And he tried to fly. Even with wings all tangled up. And he cleared the chain link fence between the frontage road and the freeway. And then a car and truck hit him. And he was kaput.

I have cried about it off and on all afternoon, and it tainted my day in ways I never thought possible. You can try to say whatever you want to say to soothe my nerves, but I've probably said the same things to myself, and I'm not feeling any better at all.

It was dumb. I'm not animal services. I hate that I freaked that bird out so much that I made him do something worse than what he was already doing. I know it was probably just a matter of time and I did the best I could do and blah blah blah.....but I am the person who always rants about how irritating it is when people offer help that is even remotely helpful.

And I love birds.
I love them.

And I am very very sad.



And now I get to go top my evening off by frogging my project. Woot.