Thursday, November 08, 2007

lord lady of the flies

There is no amount of buddhism-on-tape could keep me from bitching about this.

See this bowl of lovely fruit?



Those are persimmons off of our very own tree. Beauties, eh?

Yeah. RIGHT.
To my horror, they were FlopHousesForFruitFlies.
Lots of Fruit Flies.
THAT HAVE TAKEN OVER MY KITCHEN.

Their invasion has had me doing all sorts of non-buddhist things. Respect every living earthly creature?? HA! Avoiding all acts of violence?? HRMPH. Ya' know, when it comes to bugs, I will go to some crazy efforts to catch and release spiders and crickets. But ants or fleas (and now apparently FrigginFruitFlies)?? NO. WAY.


Yesterday the little FruityShits were all happy and flitting about, exploring their new indoor empire, so I immediately went out to buy the good ol' fashioned fly paper sort of thing. I was just so danged excited when I walked into Target and quickly found the ever so perfect Hot Shot No-Pest Strip.


Wow! Look!! It's even improved over the ol' fashioned stuff! It is fly paper, new and improved! With a little protective plastic cover and hangythingy! How cute!! I won't even have to decorate my house for the holidays with garlands of long sticky fly covered strips! Woohoo!!

True to form though, I didn't actually READ THE INSTRUCTIONS until I got it home. It was at that point I learned that this product isn't designed to let the little bastards to get stuck to it...NOooooooo....this product emits something. This thing is what you leave behind in your "vacation home" when you will be gone for at least 4 months, the wrapper says. That way, while you are summering at your other chateau, this sorry-assed excuse for immediate gratification, "utilizes controlled release technology to slowly diffuse a deep penetrating vapor in enclosed spaces (not for use in homes)."

Thanks.

So I spent most of last night crafting multiple torturous methods for offing them one by one (which seems to be the only way I can nail them----employing tactics for group massacres proved worthless). Me. The one with the halo of little gnat like things buzzing around my head in the kitchen. The flies migrating in groups as they send out panic signals alerting the troupes of impending doom, and me...trying anything I have in the house that is in a spray bottle as a possible bug killing solution (the 409 worked best, but all it did was slow them down long enough for me to smooosh them.)

in a wheelchair, chasing around flies with spray bottles, TheMostImportantGuy is IM-ing me things like how to build a trap out of soda bottles, and posts on the topic from various discussion groups. The best idea I thought was to set out a glass of wine or booze and let the little shits drown in it. But then they'd die happy, and that just aint right. The oddest tip called for the bait in the bottle of doom being urine, vanilla, and sugar. Yum.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So have a nice day, y'all. This Executioner must now go on the shopping spree of death now. I shall not return home until I have all of the necessary implements to host my very own little FruitFlyHolocaust.



11 comments:

Mouse said...

OMG- I'm over here nearly peeing myself with laughter at your description of the very un-buddhist torture session going on in your kitchen because I'm in the middle of YET ANOTHER fruit fly infestation in my kitchen. I don't even HAVE fruit in there!! I am sure they're inside the garbage disposal because I don't keep dirty dishes laying around for more than a day or two.. but they are buzzing around the sink making me crazy every time I go in there. UGH. Let me know if that trap thing works.. otherwise I'm buying a flame-thrower (you can borrow it when I'm done..)

Mouse said...

also.. http://www.howtogetridofstuff.com/pest-control/how-to-get-rid-of-fruit-flies/

jodi said...

Hon. Get a jar. Make a cone out of 1/2 a sheet of 8.5 by 11 paper, with a very small hole in the tip, enough for a fruit fly to get through. Put a little piece of the fruit in the jar, stick the cone in (point down) and tape it in good so there's a seal. Then sit back and enjoy watching the little buggers get trapped; they go down towards the delicious smell but can't find the hole to get back out. It looks like this: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jodigreen/1412890722/

The only bad part is getting rid of them afterwards. I put the trap in the sink, drizzle a tiny bit of dishsoap down the hole and then fill the whole jar up with water so they drown (the soap makes them sink). Then after a while I take the now-soaked paper and tape away and pour it all down the drain.

Lorena said...

Urine, vanilla, and sugar...? Too bad I quit my horrid job a couple months ago. I would so make that for the next hellish employee gathering. Tee.

Denise said...

I go through this every year during canning season and I use a variation of Jodi's suggestion.

Take any small, somewhat shallow container (I use a little custard cup). Pour in some apple cider vinegar and add a couple of drops of dishsoap and stir or swirl (the soap cuts the surface tension and drowns them quicker).

That's it. Leave it out on the counter. You'll be surprised at how quickly they'll be drawn to the trap.

This works faster if the fruit is removed from the area but it still works if you leave it out. If I put one of these out by bedtime most of the flies are gone by morning.

jana said...

I have a SUPER EASY solution for you. Seriously.

Get a wineglass or mug or cup or bowl. Pour about 1/4-1/2 cup of cider vinegar in it. Then add 4 drops of dishsoap. Swirl it around a bit. Place it near the site of infestation. By the next morning it will be full of dead flies.

If the infestation is really bad, I recommend two different cups of the magic solution on either side of the area.

Because we eat mostly fresh fruits/veggies and we live in a warm moist climate I have lots of experience with fruit flies. This magic recipe works every time like a charm!! :)

PS: I have a friend who tried it with red wine instead of vinegar and that worked, too.

jana said...

oh that's funny, I posted the same solution at the same time as Denise...

Carol said...

Wow, that cider vinegar thing sounds great. I'll have to try it.

We have had luck with sticky traps from a company called Safer, although we were dealing with those horrible bugs that get in your flour. (It happens way more with the good whole wheat flour.) I think they are called Pantry something or other and they are little tents you set up that are sticky on the inside. They have some sort of pheromone scent to attract the bugs (it must smell like fly hoo-ha).
Good luck.

Sara said...

Oh dear. Tragic. Those really are some spectacular looking persimmons.

So...what are you going to do with them besides removing all traces of animalia? Muffins? Bread? Pudding? Muffin bread pudding?

JohnK said...

Make an oven trap:

I thought this wikipedia entry sounded strangest:

Open the door of your oven and place a piece of fruit (banana or kiwi peels) in there overnight.
Wake up early the next morning and quietly close the oven door.
Turn on the oven to 400ºF/200ºC for about 10-15 minutes and majority of your fruit flies will be gone.
Clean the oven thoroughly.

love the sneakiness - "quietly close the oven door"

Now on to the real topic. OMGoddess I am so jealous of a persimmon tree.

Anonymous said...

I had what I thought were fruit flies this past summer and found out from a nice 'bug guy' that they could be 'drain flies'!!!!!!
Solution is a cup of bleach down all of your drains. Leave for 1 hour and wah la!!!!!! NO FLIES THE NEXT DAY.