Tuesday, June 22, 2010

the state of the amputee address

NOW: Too many miscellaneous papers on the desk. Everything I don't have time to tend to (which is lots, and seems constant) has the potential of making me shift into "feelin' like a failure" mode. I'm trying to figure out how to be easier on myself.


I really am in a bit of a "state".

For the last few days I have started getting out of my cave, and when my girlfriends ask me how I am, I have actually been telling them. Out loud.

I am fully aware that I have lots of little life issues percolating in my brain, but none of these issues have solutions really...they are all about accepting change. It's not like there are problems to be solved, or things to be fixed, in most cases. There's no "action" to be taken. None of the issues feel urgent or pressing. They are just "there". Viewed each on their own, none of the issues feel big. Taken one at a time, they feel sucky, but manageable. I just forget there are so many of them....but then on the days when I am forced to see a few of them together, or even as a whole, well....it's fairly massive. One of the reasons I don't remember there are so many issues is because I dont really talk about them. No talk = Out of sight, out of mind. It's a funny little game of denial.

Once I started listing the issues out loud finally for a friend this past Sunday, I realized...holy cow. I've got a lot going on. I'm going to work on doing the talking thing more. It helped. I'm trying to figure out how to do it here because you guys are actually one awesome source of support for me....not to mention that just the act of typing is such a fabulous method of "processing".

My hesitation is that some of the "issues" involve people who might be reading this LOLOL.
Tricky, this blogging thing is, aint it?


not supergirl said...

So tricky! In fact, this is why I do not have a blog. I wouldn't have one single audience to invite to read it. My sister couldn't read it, because she'd feel guilty that she has cancer which in turn makes me sad. My husband couldn't read it, because, well... he and our relationship would be a major topic. My parents couldn't read it because we have a crazy relationship. These are all things that I can deal with but which I need to process. If I did it in a blog, I'd lose these crazy and precious relationships, or at least damage them. And it is really harder than people think to be truly anonymous on the intertubes.
With all that said, please blog away, and I for one will try to support you!

The Bon said...

Talking is good. You know I'm always around to listen.