Wednesday, December 22, 2010

pass the emotional barometer please

I guess I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. Or maybe I'm just better that I thought I was at being in a state of denial.

The mass, the burial, and now the memorial are over, as of yesterday. I was certain that I was processing feelings as they were coming up, and honestly, I still think I did. But today I find myself eating all sorts of things that aren't what I'd call nourishing (even on an emotional level), boobing out on some realllllly stoopid teevee, I am being the tweaky perfectionist with my knitting, and (I think) I am somewhat avoiding the blog (I am doing that...aren't I?).

Maybe I'm more fucked up than I thought.


Lorena said...

Since when is it fucked up to shut down for a while and emotionally recharge your batteries? Child, please. Except I have a southern accent so you have to hear that as "chiiiiiiiile, puh-leeeze." Do not beat yourself up for recharging. You're not checking out. You're making yourself able to keep checking in.


No, you're as okay as any of us. One isn't over with grief in just a few days. As banal as it sounds, it will just take time.

Anonymous said...

Dunno as I'd say "denial", exactly, but ... well ... this culture we live in is in pretty deep denial about the grief process. Like we'd really get it all done in the three or so days between the death and the funeral? Like we'd really be able to release all our emotions about our feelings of loss (and love, guilt, whatever else we happen to carry) about this person in just the day of the funeral?

Grieving takes the time it takes. And it would be so lovely if our coworkers, employers, and the man in the street didn't so often expect us to be back in place on Monday morning, dusting off our hands, done with that, thanks.

Much love, light, and healing laughter to you and the MIG just now

~Donna~ said...

Since when is it messed up to be normal?

Once things had been taken care of after my Dad passed away, I cried for days. I still cry and it's been almost 13 years.

When I went back to work, I had to start the mourning process all over again cos it was with a new set of people wishing me well, etc.

It's rough, but we each process our own way and in our own time.

At least you know what's going on, so accept it for what it is and process.

Much love and hugs, Honey sends some too!