Monday, December 19, 2011

(non)walking zombie

I was up all night last night.

Every once in awhile, I get this sharp pains in my residual limb. My little leg o' left-overs. I wouldn't call it phantom pain, because phantom pain is when you feel pain or sensation of or in the limb that isn't physically there anymore. I had that sort of stuff happening during the first few months after I lost my leg, but I worked very hard having tactile conversations with my leg about where my leg was, and where my leg was not. I taught my brain to understand where the leg now ends. And sometimes, like when I am in dance class or need more balance, I can play with the energy of where the leg used to be and use it to my advantage.

Anyhow. I get these sharp pains that are not phantom pain. They are actually in what remains of my leg, and I am pretty sure that it starts from discomfort from my low back. It's as if there is pain in my sacrum that shoots down my leg like sciatica or something, except that there is no place for that energy to go. The nerves do not exist. Wherever it comes from, whatever is causing it, I swear it feels like I am being electrocuted, or tazed (not that I know what either of those feel like, I am just guessing). It's this horribly painful sharp current zapping my leg and causing me to almost double over in pain, or for my leg to cramp up, and if it goes on for a long time, it also induces a bout of cursing ;-) The pain is short and fast. It hurts like crazy when it happens, and then when it is gone, it is completely gone. It's sort of crazy.

Sometimes this happens once or twice and then it goes away. And then once every few months or so, it happens, and it happens, and it happens some more....lasting countless hours. Last night was one of those. It woke me out of my sleep around 1:30am. I'd doze off, and then it would come back again. The frequency increased, and the intensity increased, and then the muscles in my leg and hip started cramping up from the overwork on top of it all. Around 3:30am I decided to take something for the pain. It dulled it a bit, but it didn't go away. I didn't fall asleep until about 6:30am, and then I had a phone call come in at 7:30, and I had to get on with my day by 9.

I am exhausted, and I have been testy and cranky and over-emotional all day as a result. The good news is that this is usually a one night thing (it was gone this morning, by the way), and I am going to keep my fingers crossed that the one-night trend continues. Because I could use some sleep!


=Tamar said...

Here's hoping it never comes back. Have you checked your mineral balance? I find magnesium at bedtime helps prevent me from having leg cramps. Other people say iron helps them, some swear by potassium. Whatever works.