Tuesday, September 26, 2006

beat

It was a hard day, and I'm exhausted.
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The videographer phoned yesterday afternoon to ask if I had any questions, and I laid out for her how I was feeling, in basically the same way I had laid it out here yesterday. She was very down to earth, seemed understanding, and she helped me to feel a little less uncomfortable with the process. So that was good.

Still, I tossed and turned all night, and finally just got out of bed at 5:14am with jangly nerves, a desire to wash dishes, annnnnd (you fiber freaks will love this) a burning need to hide some of the stash.

I know. It was definitely a Yarn Harlot "the muggles will never understand" kind of moment. But there I was, at 5:27am, looking around my house thinking, "Holy crap. I'm a total knitting knerd. And they are soooo not gonna get it."

I keep a fair amount of yarn and works in progress displayed around the house in open baskets. It inspires me just to have it about. It's pretty and colorful and it takes the place of the flowers that I can't always afford to buy (only to just watch them wilt and die anyhow...yarn doesn't die...it just blossoms into something more beautiful....hopefully). Besides, I have no choice but to display it. I don't have closet space. LOL

So you see, yarn isn't really "stash" in my house. It's more like home decor.

And this moring, before the sun even had a chance to come up, there I was. Dashing about hiding it. Under the bed (where, not so oddly enough, there is more yarn hiding in plastic bins). Because I could not possibly have some non-understanding/non-knitting person come in here and see the yarn artfully arranged about the house and then deem me some sort of freak (even though we all know I'm a freak anyhow, and even though we also all know for a fact that there are larger stashes out there than mine, and yours might be one of them---hahaha).

and Rabbitch, trolling through your old posts looking for your stash photos brought me to tears laughing just now, so thank you...I mean, vole wang brulee...lordy LOL..thanks. I hope I can one day make it up to you one day even with just a wee little chuckle


Anyhow...the back to the videographer. She showed at 6:45am, and off we went. I completed more tasks than I would normally put together in a single day, and I rested less in between them than I normally would, too. But I really wasn't in the mood to make a second day out of this if I could help it. It was just draining. I was already running on fumes sleep-wise, I was doing more stuff that usual, and I was also spending a whole lot of energy trying to not tap into the stressful undercurrent running through me. I was pretty sure that if I allowed that to happen that I would just emote all over the place and crumple up into some weeping heep. Which I did not do. Which was good. But it ended up being like the proverbial finger stuck in the damn. And once the video lady left, the finger unfortunately got pulled out during a miscommunication with TheMIG over the phone. So I broke down into weeping heep that emotionally vomitted all over him instead...which was not good. I suck. And He's still wonderful enough to be on his way over over here and give me hugs and comfort anyhow. Not sure how the hell I got so lucky to have Him in my life...but I'm a thankful girl.


Thanks for all the well wishes yesterday peoples, and I'll be back soon...but I might need a day or two to recover.

4 comments:

Carol said...

Ug. Glad it's over and hope it helps. Here's a thought: maybe the mediator is a knitter....

Hugs.

Sara said...

You don't suck! Sometimes we just break, especially under horrible amounts of pressure.

People who love you suck it up and help you through it. Ostensibly, you will do/have done the same for your MIG. That's one of the many outstanding features of true love, that mutual not-giving-up-no-matter-what pact, not to mention the unwritten I-know-you're-not-always-like-this automatic understanding constant that springs into action when things get rough.

Gray said...

You do so NOT suck. It's so much better that you simply were human and allowed yourself to be sad with him, rather than stuffing your feelings where they might have come out as rage or or something else later. It's good mothering and good modeling to be real with your son, and to let him see that you have feelings too.

Sending restful thoughts across the continent, Gray.

TheAmpuT said...

Just for the record: TheMIG is TheMostImportantGuy, ie my sweeheart. MyFK is MyFavoriteKid, ie my son.

I do share my feelings with MyFK, but not at the magnitude at which they came flying out with TheMIG during our miscommunication. What happened with TheMIG was a legitimate misunderstanding that resulted in a release and meltdown from the stress stored up from my day.