resolute

While I sit here doing more thinking about yarn, I might as well tell you about a couple of other things I'm tossing onto my "resolution" pile this year.

I hate calling them resolutions, really. They're more like intentions or goals, and they certainly aren't tied to it being a new year. I think what happens with me is that December is always so danged hectic, non-routine, and gluttonous that I see things glaring at me that need adjusting, but I know I don't have time to do anything about it until the holiday chaos and vacations are over. Make sense?

Anyhow, I already wrote about "less time/money on bodywork, and more time/money on working the body". It's still my plan, but of course I've been sicker than shit since I came up with the lovely idea. No working of the body going on over here, unless Marathon Coughing counts. Oh, well. I'll get there. I did at least meet the other half of the goal. I canceled and/or rescheduled bodywork appointments so that there are less of them, so I'm halfway there. The easy half, true...but I'll take what I can get.

Then there was my second intention to clean out the garage to make room for a bike, the third goal about of learning to spin (which at the moment is scheduling-wise in direct conflict with doing some dance rehearsals...so I have to think about how I'm going to make this work). Then there was writing less posts and reading more blogs (got that one handled...it's successfully in progress).

What I forgot to add to my list the other day is that this is the year I will FINALLY keep my word to myself and to all of you and....

REPLY TO YOUR COMMENTS
(you will find them within the comments section)

I keep saying I'm going to do this, and I do it for a stint, and then flake out again. And I cannot stand how I feel about myself for leaving my blog and your thoughts in a vacuum. It haunts me. Makes me feel icky. My notion is:
a) if I could pull off posting every day for a year, isurely it should be cake to reply to comments for a year.
b) if I am posting less now, this should be even easier.

We'll see how this works out.

If 57 of you post comments today I'm gonna kick yer arses ;-)

Then again, I suppose I'd have to suck it up, because John made it known that it is International de-lurking week through the 10th. So have at it, I guess.

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Okay, then there is a goal/resolution that I made mid-year last year, and I want to keep-on-keeping-on with it this year. I don't think I ever wrote about this here, but whether I did or not, it feels like an important part of continuing the behavior for me at this point is to shout it out loud, because I felt myself slipping a wee bit in December.

Sometime in the late summer I think, I realized that I was feeling anxious every single morning.

Now, I've been prone to occasionally just sort of falling into fight-or-flight mode ever since the accident, and I have really figured out that is usually not an obvious thing that gets the wheel turning.

Well, there was this one morning back then when I started feeling the gears beginning to grind, and all of the sudden I heard loud and clear the background music of my life:

television news, or news radio

I was waking up every morning and first thing popping on the TV news. Not really for the news, but for the weather update and the traffic reports. But I'd get the report, and I'd leave the TV on.
Then, when that 1/2 hour of news was over??
I'd still leave it on!!!
FOR BACKGROUND NOISE (I know. I am not very swift.)

So from say, 6am to ohhhhh 9am, the news would be on...and this is the key....with the same half hour of news being repeated every 30 minutes. I mean, I'd be listening to the same horrific tales about child abuse and murders and the economy over and over and over and over and over and over. THEN!! If I got in my car?? I'd turn on the news radio! Same thing (let's not point at that the traffic always comes up every 10 minutes on the 8's, so it's real simple to get that info and skip the rest. Like I said. Swift.) And then guess what!!! If I was around, I'd catch the noon news, or maybe the evening news, and oh....I would ALWAYS catch a half hour of news during the late night somewhere.

People: I DONT EVEN LIKE HEARING THAT MUCH NEWS.

I think I just like hearing people talking or some shit. I dunno. I never quite figured that part out, but I think mabye hearing people talk makes me feel less lonely or something maybe?? Possible. I dunno. WHATEVER. I didn't waste my time wondering.

So I cut myself off. Since then, I now allow myself a half hour in the morning. I didn't cut myself off cold-turkey, but I probably could do that now, and just get what I need on the internet. I mostly still do the half hour report. But the second I hear a story being repeated? Off it goes. I am now listening to more music, or....get this one (especially you, mom)....I LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF PEACE AND QUIET.

Dudes. My life has changed dramatically. I cannot believe that it took me so long to notice, but honestly, it had just become a habit and a background noise. It just no longer seemed out of the ordinary, and I can see how I overlooked it. But, DUH. Anyhow I saw myself lapse a couple of times last month, and like I said, I'd like to keep my new habit in tact, so I'm brining it back up to the forefront of my mind again, because apparently turning the shit off is not quite automatic yet.
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The last resolution/plan/goal/cockamamie idea I am working with right now is about the yarn, but again....I'm still thinking. I don't think I can come up with a plan around fiber that I can realistically work with until I have figured out what and why I do what it is I do with yarn in the first place (both the working with it and the purchasing of it), and that's the pondering piece going on over here.

Again, more coming soon. I just need to do a bit more reflecting.

Which of course, does absolutely nothing to put the yarn in the direction of becoming any form of knitted item.