Tuesday, September 20, 2005

fan mail

This entry would be a whole lot funnier if I could just post a copy of an email I got yesterday, with not one single additional word by me attached....

Since this is only my second post, I feel the need to set-up the story a wee bit so that it makes some sense:

Not long after becoming an amputee, I started keeping a list of the stupid things that people said to me. Things like, "gosh, your hospital bill must be costing you and arm and a leg!" (that's for real--my son's paternal grandmother actually said that to me while I was laying in the rehab ward). I also had a running list of the stupid things I'd thought of all by my lonesome self. Things like, "well, at least I'll be the cutest amputee on the block". Many a time, I found myself saying, "Dang. I wished I had a shirt that said that." Eventually one of those thoughts actually made it to shirt-dom.

"Leg Story: $10" came about after spending a week at Harbin Hot Springs detoxing off pain meds and having no less than 30+ people asking me to tell them what happened to me. I got very sick of hearing myself tell the car accident story over and over again (although in a way, it was highly cathartic), and I commented to my Sweetie that if only I'd had ten bucks for everytime I had told the story, it would have paid for my stay there (I should tell you that the best thing about wearing this shirt is that when I do, nobody asks me a thing...they just say "nice shirt"). Being the money guy my Sweetheart is, this was enough to have him upload the design for me at Cafe Press so that I could order a shirt for myself. But his idea was to then leave the image uploaded and see if anyone else came along and ordered stuff and maybe make a few bucks. Well, people came and ordered stuff. And as we kept coming up with more funny stuff for me to wear, folks ordered more.

So people--hear this!! The REAL impetus for the stuff on the Cafe Press site is that these are shirts that I wanted to have made for me so that I could wear them.

There are several designs entirely created by my Sweetie that are completely his own doing...like "25% Off"...and I split a gut every time I put that one on. Besides showcasing his pure comic genius, my favorite thing about that shirt is that when I wear it, it makes people realllllly uncomfortable. See?? I'm a little odd.

Now, please ALSO understand that my favorite place to buy shirts on the internet is from T-Shirt Hell.
In fact, when I met my Sweetie for the very first time, he was wearing this shirt (well, I wanted to link to T-Shirt Hell's "Abortions Tickle" shirt, but apparently they've pulled it *pout*). Anyhow, he wore that shirt at our first meeting, and I totally cracked up. In retrospect, it was probably some kind of litmus test.

And so the other newsflash is: Hellooooo....I like offensive shirts.
And some of my own t-shirts ideas are probably offensive to some people, yes ("lucky for me he's an assman" comes to mind).

Thanks for pointing this out people, but I already know this. And I have gotten some flack from other amputees, especially other females. But whatever. The stuff is there so that I can order it. So I really couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. If ya' dont like 'em, dont buy 'em.

Quite frankly, I think my sense of humor about being a gimp is what has saved me from myself.

Anyhow....I've said so much this probably wont even be funny anymore, but try to pretend that you just got to this post and that you already knew I had offensive t-shirts for amputees and stuff, and read on.

Because I cracked up when we got this email yesterday:

Sent: Monday, September 19, 2005 4:48 PM
To: whatever@amputeehee.com
Subject: (no subject)

i am appalled at the attitude and marketing of your site. being an amputee is not a funny thing. if i ever become one or know someone who is, i will not patronize your site


jodi said...

Hah! But until then. . .

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...which free shirt should you send this person? heh heh

Anonymous said...

You are definitely my kind of freak.

Julie R. said...

I know this post is really old and all that, but I just now found your blog.

I am the Mom of an 11-year-old amputee. He lost his leg a little over a year ago to cancer, and he LOVES your t-shirts!! He has a birthday coming up, as a matter of fact, and I'm having a really hard time choosing which shirt to get him - "25% Off" or "One of these things is not like the other ..."

I do NOT find your humor to be irreverent -- I find it to be a wonderful coping mechanism, and we've relied on that to a great extent throughout all of this.

When DS learned that he would need to have his leg amputated after his 2nd bout of cancer, he began coming to me with all sorts of "bright side" comments re: the upcoming amputation. He came up with:

* I won't have to trim the toenails on that side
* I won't have to worry about mosquito bites or cold toes
* It'll hurt the other person worse if they kick me in the shin
* and a variety of others that I can't remember right now

He also gets a kick of out of hearing us say things like, "Don't leave your leg laying in the hallway! Somebody will trip over it!"

We also have really cute -- but lengthy -- story about a little girl who saw him in Menards and insisted in a stage whisper to her father that, "I think that boy's a WO-bot!!" We eventually got the chance to explain to her that, no, he is not. ;-) (Her father was mortified, by the way.)

I just wanted to express my gratitude and enthusiasm to find someone else who shares the same attitude about things like this. The way I look at it is that you can laugh or you can cry. And, really, you can only cry for so long.

Oh yes, and you may want to have your prosthetist look into the Harmony system for your socket. It has been a Godsend for my son because he has very little soft-tissue coverage on his femur. It's the same system that Ron Santo (of the Chicago Cubs) wears. I don't know why MORE prosthetists aren't using it.

Blessings to you!!