Sunday, March 31, 2013

you either get this, or ya' dont

pssssst....Winter isn't just coming, Winter is HERE!!!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

snaps on saturday

Another day of drumline for MyFavoriteKid (the most left snare drum). Today was an exhibition for the families, not an actual competition.  It was more like a dress rehearsal for next Saturday, the final championship competition.

I'm almost not sure what I'm going to do with myself once the the season is over.

Friday, March 29, 2013

and that is what i am thinking about

A good friend of mine lost her mom today (cancer. f$%# cancer.)

and that is what i am thinking about

Thursday, March 28, 2013

me. dancing.

From a couple of weeks ago at this year's Rakkasah...

(photo credits John Amdahl)

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

midnight pick up

MyFavoriteKid is home :-)

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

knitting in the wild

Taken yesterday, up at Oxbow Public Market where I met MissSincereSheep for lunch.

I had to post a picture from yesterday, because if I took a picture of today it would have looked something like this:

(me, hanging around, being a sloth)

I have most of the day tomorrow to myself, and then this little break of mine ends.  MyFavoriteKid's bus from the airport comes in tomorrow night around midnight.  He doesn't go back to school until Tuesday, but I'm not sure how much time I'll have with them.  The drumline's final performance and competition for the year is a week from Saturday, so I have a hunch that many rehearsals for him will be called during his last few days of his break.  Hopefully there will be a balance! As much as I enjoy the occasional break from motherhood, I really miss him and hope to get to spend some time quality time with him!

Monday, March 25, 2013

the princess and the pea

Teeny Teeny Bo Beanie 
the Pillow Queenie

Sunday, March 24, 2013

happiness is....

.....discovering that there is really good sushi only 5 or so minutes from home!

Saturday, March 23, 2013

snaps on saturday

M is for:

...margaritas, Modelo, mariscos y mariachis  ;-) 

(actually taken last night/Friday night...but who's counting)

Friday, March 22, 2013

another day in court

written by AmpuTeeHee, edited by TheMostImportantGuy 

So after last week's day in court (if you missed the post about it, you'll find it here) things were left with TheBadMan being given yet another week to pay restitution.  The amount to be paid had already been established. The probation department had contacted me to determine the amount prior to sentencing, then furnished that number to both the District Attorney and TheBadMan's attorney. TBM's attorney claimed they were never given the amount and that was why it wasn't paid.

As we were leaving the court last week, the DA asked me to fax her the receipts again, in case they were needed.  I did that, but also emailed her a letter...

You see, I had been regretting that I had left out information in my public statement that day.  I had been so nervous being in the same room with TheBadMan, I left out two key points:

Point # 1 - The DA told the court that TBM's sentence should not be reduced from a felony to a misdemeanor because he showed no remorse. He did not change his plea to Guilty, he changed it to No Contest, and wrote the court a letter stating that this was all just a "merry mix-up" ... an accident that occurred while he was doing target practice.  But I have it in writing from the investigating officer that TheBadMan admitted his guilt when he was questioned.  I also have it in writing from the officer that my assessment of his being passive-aggressive is accurate. And the officer informed me that TheBadMan possesses other firearms in the house that were not confiscated as evidence. (yay me)

Point #2 - I had not yet described my mental state to the court. I had not talked about not sleeping well, or freaking out when I hear noises outside, or listening for his car before deciding whether or not to let the dog out for a pee. I didn't talk about the fact that I have a tazer in the house now.

So I wrote these points in an email to the DA.  Then Tuesday we were back in court.  I was there by myself, which was totally nerve wracking, and I almost didn't go because it was not required. But I really felt like I needed to see this thing through and hopefully gain some closure.

Here's how it was supposed to go:  The case was to be called up, TheBadMan was to have paid restitution or have a cashier's check, the DA would still suggest that he be charged with a felony since he still showed no remorse, and the judge would probably reduce the sentence anyway because of his squeaky-clean record.

Here is how it went:  The case was called up.  TBM had not paid restitution, had no check, and his attorney claimed he was never given the amount (it was given the week before).  The judge told TBM to go downstairs to the collection service and come back up.

But before he went to go pay, the DA asked if she could read my email to the court, amending my statement.  She did, and I just wanted to crawl under a rock.   I felt so vulnerable, and it just made me twitchy.  The judge said that in terms of reducing his sentence, my statement shed new light on things... but honestly, I think she was just trying to put fear into the equation.  I really think that she had no reason to keep him with a felony conviction because he had no priors.

While TBM went off to pay, I sat and waited and watched all sorts of other craziness in the courtroom (it really is so interesting!) like people being sentenced for kidnapping and forgery and stuff.  So TBM and his attorney come back, the case gets called up again, and TBM still has not paid.  I couldn't hear why, as there is no real wheelchair seating in the courtroom... I was in the back... and when I tried to come forward to hear better, the deputy had to ask me to move because I was blocking the aisle. Great, right??  Anyhow, it sounded like there was some reason the court collection services couldn't process his payment.  I have no idea why.  So the judge gave him time to leave the building and go get a cashier's check.  So I waited some more.  Maybe an hour more.  I was told I could leave and the check would be mailed, and quite frankly, were this just about a check, I'd have left.  But it aint.

So he finally comes back, and the check gets passed around and recorded and finally makes its way to me, and then the case gets called back up again.

The DA states that she still doesn't want the court to reduce it to a misdemeanor. She states he should walk out with a felony conviction, and perhaps during his probation period he could approach the court again for a review... and when the judge asks her why she wants the felony conviction to remain, the DA states it's because TBM still shows no remorse.

This is where TBM's attorney steps in and says (basically)  how surprised they are to hear this new statement of stress and isn't it odd that I hadn't mentioned it already. He also restated that all of this was an accident. And this is where TheBadMan himself says, "I have lost a lot of sleep over this myself.  And this has cost me a whole lot of money. But I do have remorse."


This judge was on it, really.  She told him that whatever sleep he had lost, she was sure it could not compare to the sleep I had lost. Over the course of both appearances she talked with him about pets being family members, etc.  But she still had to reduce his sentence to a misdemeanor based on his clear record and hoped that this was an anomaly.  He was sentenced to 30 days in jail, but does have the option to seek work furlough. He will have 3 years of probation and it will involve some work with animals (I'll only get to know the details if the probation department clues me in, and I'm not sure if they will).

I'm not sure yet how I am feeling about it all. It hasn't settled in.

I can tell you that because I try to find the best in everyone, I actually found myself wondering if maybe he was telling the truth and that it really was a target practice accident.  But TheBadMan's attorney said that TBM was first shooting at a tree, but then turned to shoot at a target he had mounted on our common fence, and he heard the dog yelp, and stopped.

Sooooo what kind of fucking asshole (if it WAS an accident) doesn't come over to knock on the door and say something?!  Like, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I was doing some target practice and heard your dog yelp! Can you check on him?"  And let's say that is just too proactive for the average person.  Well, after I heard my dog yelp, I went over and knocked on his door, and his daughter told me he was in the shower and couldn't come talk to me, so I showed her the bb I had taken out of the dogs eye and told her to tell him I was reporting the issue... and what did he do? Come talk to me? And say, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I was doing some target practice and heard your dog yelp!"  NO. He got in his car and left.

And why am I even bothering doing this little exercise of looking for the best in everyone and putting myself in someone else's shoes?  None of it explains away the fact that the police officer told me TheBadMan admitted shooting my dog.

Now, it has been brought to my attention that there might be one other explanation for how this incident unfolded.  It comes from my plumber/neighbor (who fixed my draino mistake) who lives on the other side of TheBadMan.  From the very beginning, plumber/neighbor has thought it was TheBadMan's teenage son that shot mt dog, and that TheBadMan was covering for him. 

Hmm. Well. I have thought about this quite a bit.   It still doesn't quite add up for me. None of TBM's three kids live with him, they only occasionally visit. I did not see the son there that day, only the eldest daughter.  That doesn't mean the son wasn't there. But I didn't see him, and he rarely was there anyway.  Right before the dog was shot, I heard TBM yelling at what I thought was my dog. Perhaps his kid was back there and he was yelling at his kid.  That doesn't explain why the yelling would come first and the shooting second, though.  If I was yelling at my kid to stop shooting at something, it would end right there.  And let's just say, for the sake of argument, his kid really was there and did do it.  TheBadMan's attorney said he heard the dog yelp. Wouldn't you grab your kid by the collar and march him over to my house to apologize or something?  I guess what I'm saying is that even if TBM's kid did it, and TBM's covering for him, maybe TBM shouldn't pay the price for shooting the dog.  But then he should pay the price for bad parenting.

I'm still really nervous around here. Court might be over, but this guy is going to have to check in with a probation officer and pay fees and do work furlough and community service, and every time he has to do it he's going to be reminded of how much he can't stand me. I really do not think that every time he has to talk to his probation officer he will be reminded that he did a really bad thing and he is paying the consequences. I see him being reminded of how miserable I have made his life. It makes me really nervous.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

close, but no cigar

The post has been written. I wrote it this morning before going to teach the senior center knitting class.

It is one hot mess. 
It's not clear at all. It's a rambling pile of jibberish, with lots of typos.  It needs an editing, but it's almost midnight, and it's not going to get done for another hour or so....and I need to get my daily post!

I think what has me dragging my heels on this one is that I so badly want all of this to just go away ....but every time I write about it or re-read what I have written, I don't get to do what I really want to do, and that is to try and let it go.

Dance class was tonight.  We Circle Danced together in honor of the Vernal Equinox.  Another dancer high, another good note to end my day on, so end it here, I will.  And I'll take one more crack at editing tomorrow. If I can't get it done myself, I'll call TheMostImportantGuy in for reinforcement tomorrow night and see if he can make any sense out of what I have written and edit it for me.  

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


I can't deliver the goods tonight.

I made a big mistake with my time management today. I goofed around too much in the morning (yay knitting! and other relaxing things!), and I had planned on saving my writing time for the afternoon.

Whatever was I thinking.

Things with MyFavoriteKid were an absolute flurry this afternoon.  Tomorrow morning he heads out with the whole band department for their spring break trip to DisneyWorld... departure time 4:45am! GAH!  Instead of having time to type, I was helping him get all dialed in for the trip.  Then I started having those crazy leg spasms I get every once in awhile. I tried everything holistic in my arsenal, but finally had to cave in and take something stronger, and now...

...well, it just took me 30 minutes to write that last paragraph.  I can't focus well enough for more serious issues.  I'm going to get him on the bus tomorrow morning and come home and hopefully get another hour or two of sleep in.  Then I'll tackle the keyboard ;-)

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

total total opposites

This day could not have started off and ended any differently.

The entire morning was spent at the courthouse dealing with TheBadMan.

The entire evening was spent at a dance (butoh) workshop.

I need to say more about both, I know. But I'd rather end my day on the dance high I am still on and not rehash the morning.  Tomorrow is another day, and I'll do some typing.

Monday, March 18, 2013

so tonight, i knit....

Tomorrow morning I am off to the courthouse for the sentencing, and so tonight...I knit.
(It helps calm my nerves a bit.)

I haven't been able to make much time for knitting lately. Court-eve worries seems sort of a crappy reason for finally being able to make time, but hey....if knitting makes for calmer nerves and progress on the camel blanket at the same time?? Not a bad thing!

Sunday, March 17, 2013


Saturday, March 16, 2013

snaps on saturday

Early-ish (for a Saturday) morning getting MyFavoriteKid out the door for his field trip. Up at 7:45am, at the school by 9am. Shortly thereafter, having a bagel at the Vallejo Ferry Building cafe, where I saw this huuuuge painting that I swear I'd consider buying if it was for sale.

I love it so.  Not sure why exactly. A happy-mope I can relate to I guess. LOL

We were down by the waterfront having breakfast so we could then head over to the ribbon cutting ceremony for the Vallejo Daffodil Project, and neighborhood beautification group.

The founder.
I love this lady.
I wish I could adopt her to be my local my grandma.

Then on to the Rakkasah for a little dancin' and a little shoppin'.

Whooped. Bedtime now.
Don't have to be anywhere until 3pm...whoot!
MyFK is coming down with a cold though, probably from all the overwork and extra rehearsals, so I'm sure I will be nursemaid tomorrow. I must get him well. He leaves on his band spring break field trip to Disney World on Thursday!


Friday, March 15, 2013

I'm so tired, because I'm so stupid!!

I got home super late last night (dance class) and by the time I could wind myself down it was almost midnight.   I finally fell asleep, but kept waking up every hour or so because I smelled bleach. I don't clean or wash with bleach, and every time I woke up, I reminded myself and fell back asleep.  It wasn't until about 3:30am that I realized why I was smelling bleach.

At about 11:45pm, before I went to bed, I decided to deal with the slow draining sink in the master bath by pouring in a bottle of Liquid Plumber. I was supposed to rinse it all down with hot water after 7 minutes.  I had forgotten about it, and it sat for 4 hours.

I bolted out of bed, ran the water to flush the drain, and heard all the water splashing into the content below.  Lovely.  I emptied the under sink cabinet, dried everything out, and then spent 4am to 5:50am (when the alarm goes off to get MyFavoriteKid up for band practice) tossing and turning and not being able to get more than just a few winks here and there.

First call this morning was to my neighbor two houses down (on the other side of TheBadMan) who is a plumber.  I think the goop I used just at through a gasket where the plastic pipes join, but he's going to come take a look tomorrow and just make sure I didn't do more damage.

What a ding-dong! Huh!!

So exhausted all day. I'm off to bed early. MyFK has an all day performance related field trip, and our dance troupe is performing.

Want to come?

Thursday, March 14, 2013


The only good thing this entire week that came out of turning the clocks back was that my Thursday night drive to dance class coincided with the sunset.

And it was a pretty one.

Not that you can tell by my craptastic photo (hey...snapped on the freeway at high speeds...whatcha-gonna-do).

But it was indeed a lovely sunset. And we've been having gorgeous weather here (unseasonably warm).  I think this weather pattern holds until next week.  I hope we get more rain this spring, or it's going to be a very long and dry summer.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


These people were always finding water all over their pool deck and furniture every time they came home after being away for a few hours.
They thought the neighborhood kids were watching for them to leave,
and using the pool. However, they could never catch them doing it. So they set up their video cam and left. This is what they discovered.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

loves me a works in progress

I have been doing some thinking about dance since my last post about it.  I have much more thinking to do (and like I said, thinking that should be done after our "rillly big shewwww"....but meanwhile I have booked myself up with all sort of interesting dance things to explore elsewhere.

As filched from the Axis Dance Company site, here is what I did today:

Meet the Composer 
Attend a workshop and watch Beth Custer collaborate with Victoria Marks on their new work “what if would you”. See up close how a composer and choreographer work together and discover how Custer comes up with musical examples that eventually develop into the final piece. 

It's not often that you get a chance to sit in on a open rehearsal, and usually when you do, it's a late-in-the-process dress rehearsal or something.  Today was a pretty special treat because the piece they are working on is still very early in development, and much as I love seeing art, I love seeing people make art.

Similar to what our own troupe is working on, the Axis piece involves dancers making music with live musicians, and musicians getting on stage and moving with dancers.  It was nice to be able to ask questions about their process, and also to learn that some of the resistance and challenges we've had with the musicians working with our ensemble are basically musician universal (ahhhh, the great dancer/musician divide!)

The other fun part about today was that this piece of theirs includes some audience participation, and they practices with some of us in the audience. It was really interesting to see into their process from that perspective (from within the piece just a bit).

Axis will be presenting this new work at their upcoming 25th Anniversary Show (details here)!

Monday, March 11, 2013

public statement

Well, today was the day.

I was at the Napa County Courthouse this morning so I could make a statement at the sentencing of my neighbor, aka TheBadMan. 

For those new here, TheBadMan lives right next door to me here at YeOldHouse, where I live during the week (and most weekends too, as of late, due to the busy kid schedule).  TheBadMan was charged with Felony Animal Cruelty by The People of California because last fall he shot my dog Riley with bb-gun for barking too much (and the pellet went into my dog's eye).   

 remember this sad sight??

This whole ordeal has been anxiety producing, and that is the understatement of the century.  I thought I might pass out in the courthouse waiting to be called up to speak. It was completely unnerving to have to get up and speak publicly with TBM standing next to me (TheBadMan...that's the verbal cue I've trained Riley to respond to when the neighbor is home and I want my dog to be quiet outside and quickly.)  I am so thankful to TheMostImportantGuy for taking time off work to accompany me and steady my nerves (he showed up in one of his hot new suits, too...lookin' all lawer-ly and all that LOL).  

TheMIG said I gave a good statement, and the judge really seemed to understand the gist of what I was saying:   Sure, give TBM jail time, make him pay restitution, keep him on probation...that's all good.  But what about preventing future incidences? I mean, I know the court can't wave a magic wand and protect me, but can there not be a system in place for him to do something first before "having a lapse in judgement," as it was referred to?  Could he call or text me if the dog is bothering him? Or call the property manager? Or call the police with a noise complaint? Rather than shoot the dog as his first course of action like he did last time??   

I had been advised that part of TheBadMan's probation would supposedly include a "no contact" clause. Well, true. I don't really want any contact with the guy, at least not face to face (or dog to face).  But don't you all agree that I should want TheBadMan to have contact instead of doing something rash again?  Am I right???  I mean, had he just contacted me in the first place, could all of this not have been averted?  I am sure the judge heard that, and she gave a bit of a mini-lecture to the TBM about all of it, a couple of times referencing things I had said during my nervous little speech.  The DA who was present today heard my request, too.... and she is going to pass that contact/no contact recommendation on to the probation department.

TBM still shows no remorse, and he even still claims he didn't do it. It was stated today that he claims it was a target practice accident. YAH RIGHT. Like, what? You were aiming for the dog's ass and only accidentally hit his eye?? Screw you. Gimme a break. (and let us not forget that TBM admitted to the investigating police shortly after the incident that he did it, which is on the record.) 

Anyhow. The court delayed sentencing until next week, giving TBM time to pay restitution (even though he has already been given that time).  The DA wanted him convicted of the felony today because TBM had not paid yet (and he should have done so before today), but the defending attorney claims they didn't know the amount (but I think they did).  Because TBM has the squeekiest of clean records, the court gave him the time, and he has to reappear next Tuesday. I don't need to go. But I think I might. Why not. 

The judge stated that next week at sentencing the court will probably reduce the sentence from a felony to a misdemeanor, but get this one: when the judged asked the defending attorney why he wanted it reduced, TBM's attorney had the audacity to say that if his client had a felony conviction on his record, he wouldn't be able to own firearms. 


~ le sigh ~

Anyhow. Even if only convicted of a misdemeanor, the TBM should still have to serve a small amount of jail time (the DA is asking for 30 days, but that really means 15 for good behavior, I think). He will have to pay restitution, and he should also have a long probation period (3 years is what the DA is asking for) including community service hours working with animals. I'm not sure what agency involved with animals would be crazy enough to accept a dog shooter in their midst for community service (you'd never let pedophiles volunteer in a classroom) but in my deepest fantasies, I'd  love to see TheBadMan having to spend hours upon hours picking up many huge piles of dog poo while listening to a symphony of howling and yapping dogs.


Sunday, March 10, 2013


At a rented studio today for the final rehearsal of our upcoming performance.

4 dancers + 9 drummers + a small stage (20x20) + a very large amount of work to do (that we did, and it record time if you ask me)....

let's hope that if we add that all up that it will = a really good show

Saturday, March 09, 2013

snaps on saturday

Saturdays. All drumline. All the time.
Very good fun.
Rather exhausting, but very good fun.

Friday, March 08, 2013

i love this a whole lot

(direct link if blogger is short-framing you)

Thursday, March 07, 2013

serious inspiration

 Direct link if blogger is cutting off the frame ;-)

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

possibly a bad match

When your current knitting project appears to be just the perfect match to compliment the mood you are in, but your mood is...well...crap...maybe it's time to switch projects??
And perhaps have a project that is a contrast to your crap mood rather than a compliment to it?? 

Case in point:

This is supposed to grow up and one day be lap-blanket.  The yarn is handspun camel from the Gobi Desert, which I find ridiculously intriguing. The yarn sales support a really great non-profit, which is cool. It's a club knit-along project, which is also a fun thing to participate in.

But I am not having a fun time with this project at all!

For starters, the blanket is now starting to get too big to haul around, and my life for the next month requires absolute portability.  Secondly, although I adore naturally colored wools, it's a little bit too beige for me right  now (life is blah enough already and it the beige might just be enhancing my case of doldrums).  And worst of all, it's sort of itchy. 

What I at first found ridiculously intriguing (handspun, camels, deserts) also means that all skeins are not created equal.

I'm cool with that. I'm going to entertain the notion that I will have a blanket made up of four different camels and spun up by four different spinners (I have no idea if that is true or not, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it LOL).  I am only 2 skeins into the 4 that I have, and while the first one was fairly soft, the second has quite a bit of guard hair (for the non-spinner, that is the longer coarser hair, often reserved for things like rugs).  The skeins also seem to be including a fair amount of VM (vegetable matter).  Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind a bit of grass and whatnot in my yarn. I'll pick it out as I knit.  I usually find "a bit of the farm" to be quite charming actually, and this is beyond farm in the best way possible.  It's desert!  Cool!  But apparently whatever vegetation camels encounter in the desert is quite pokey.

It's like little splinters. Sometimes I can spot them and pick them out, but sometimes they are so well spun and buried into the yarn and in the direction of the plies that I don't feel it while I am actually doing the knitting. The splinters I don't catch then go into the the knitted fabric, and  where the yarn bends into the shape of stitch and the splinter pokes out and becomes scratchy.  I am blindly trusting that these little bits will soften some with washing (~let us pray~).

Meanwhile, as I knit, this danged blanket is sitting in my lap, itching and scratching at me....irritating me the whole danged time I am working on it. If you are following along on the blog here, you will know that I am already feeling quite irritated about other things.  I do not need to be irritated by my knitting, too!!

So let's file this under the category:
Life is too short for bad knitting.

Tonight I will cast-on for that brightly colored baby sweater.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

in my ears.....

This is what I've been listening to in the car for the last few days.
band: múm

(go ahead, listen)
(try it. you'll like it.)
(it will make a great soundtrack for what you are about to read)
(it's what I was listening to when I wrote it, so it will be a "like minds moment" sort of thing, yah??)
(by the way...i love parenthesis!)

Sorry to be vague yesterday with the "Dumpsville" post, but sometimes it doesn't make sense to vent on a blog when you are exhausted and don't have time to edit, especially when the thing you are venting about could potentially involve people that might just be readers of your blog (I know my co-teacher KarenTheDancingLurker has been getting an earful of this for a good long while, so I don't believe anything here is new news to her, at least).
I'm getting it all out here tonight, though.
Apparently there is no keeping this in.

What had me down in the dumps yesterday is the fact that I am still trying to work through something that I have been trying to sort out for months now:
I need to fix my creative life in relation to dance.

Let's be honest here.
I am not happy what I am doing.
I have not enjoyed co-directing the present dance ensemble in quite awhile.
Not only is teaching and directing not feeding me creatively, it has now moved into the category of sucking the creative lifeblood right out out of me.
A couple of months ago, I set some very clear boundaries with my students and the ensemble, boundaries that I needed to be in place so that I could continue to even consider continuing to teach this class and create performances with this troupe.
These boundaries were communicated, understood, and accepted by the troupe.
In the last several weeks, every boundary that I had set has been crossed.
I do not believe any of them are out to spite me, and I am sure they'd tell you that none of the pain they are causing is intentional...but it really presents itself as if it's coming from a place of not caring, of disrespect, and of self-centeredness.
I can't continue to give so much of myself into this sort of environment.

I honestly do not know if I can continue to teach this class, and it saddens me greatly. I have been attending this class for 19 years, and I have been co-teaching it for 13 years, since our teacher died. Part of why I teach is to carry on my mentor's work. I so desperately wish she were here right now, right this minute, so that I could talk to her about all of this. She'd know exactly what to do (and it would probably involve giving the students and the entire ensemble a swift kick in the arse....but she commanded a much different level of respect, one that I am not so sure that I even come close to.)

I have been wanting to throw in the towel for months now, but I just can't seem to do it.  I worry my mentor's work will be lost. I worry about quitting and abandoning my co-teacher. I worry that I am giving up without giving it one last final push of effort to shape it into something that works for me (even though there have already been several "last efforts" already, and I keep trying "just one more thing".)  I worry about needing to deal with the fact that I strongly identify myself as a dance teacher, and if I no longer teach...then what am I? 

The only way I can continue to teach this class without becoming a horrible hot mess, is if I have another creative outlet for movement. If teaching this ensemble is going to going to make a hole in my soul, then I need other dance work to fill it back in again.  I need to take classes and workshops with other teachers. I need to try new things. Learn new things. Move other ways.  I need to do movement practices that inspire me. I need to work with people that are committed to working. 

The issue is this though:
there are only so many friggin'  hours in the day for me right now. As the single mom of a very active teenager, there are only so many nights a week that I can bail out of the house and take dance classes or go see performances or rehearse.  I do not believe that I can carve out any more "creative time" in my week at this juncture in my life.  Really, the best way for me to gain more creative time is to give up the many hours a week I invest in teaching my own class. 

But I keep not doing that.  I think about it. But I chicken out.

As of today, I am at least registered to take some workshops and classes over the next couple of months, even though I already do too much and I don't know how I'm going to pull it all off.  Tonight I spent time teaching MyFavoriteKid how to cook a few favorite meals so that he can be left alone for yet another night of the week on his own fending for himself.

But today I also spent several hours working on business stuff for the existing ensemble. I am supposed to be working on marketing and social network materials in an effort to reinvigorate the troupe with new students and troupe members.  It seems a little ridiculous to me on some level, to bring new members into an environment where the existing members actions are proving that they are not already on board....and it's bringing up quite a bit of anger and resentment.

I feel like I am going nuts because I am watching myself meditate and reflect upon what the clear path for me should be, and I hear myself saying what needs to happen (it's time to close a door so another can have swinging room to open), but I just don't want to do it. I don't want to give up....for the reasons I listed several paragraphs ago.... but I keep feeling like I should res-state them as if that will somehow make a difference.

I am tired.
I am tired and wilted from investing too much time in something that is bearing little fruit, or when it does bear fruit, it's bitter fruit.

And it's all moot. I can't do anything about it right now anyhow, not in peak performance season.
So I will revisit this whole issue.
In a few weeks time.

Monday, March 04, 2013

Sunday, March 03, 2013

snaps on sunday, too

I just got a note from my friend Sandy worried about whether or not I was okay because she noticed that there was no post yesterday! But I did post yesterday!!  I typed it up, hit publish, and off to bed I went. Except that I had mistakenly posted it to another blog that I set up but haven't used's for the high school knitting group! Doh! I deleted the post from there and moved it over here.  It should be just below this one ;-)

As for today:

Seven of us today at TheNewDiggs today snacking and playing "Cards Against Humanity ~ A Party Game for Horrible People", which was a total riot.  It was my first time playing, and I definitely see an expansion set or two in my future, for sure :-)

We had a late lunch or early dinner (dunch? linner??) and I kept it as simple as I could given the fact that at least 4 of us are on some sort of restrictive diet. I think everyone got a little bit of something or another. I made a cheese plate, a hearty salad and some sandwiches (roast beef/arugula/horseradish cream and hummus/cucumber/tomato, all on little ciabatta rolls).  Oh, and top things off, there was a plate of italian-ish cookies.  There was beer, but the house cocktail of the day was prosecco with a float of Hibiscus Liqueur.

So I cleaned up everything there and am now back at YeOldHouse.  I'm about to tuck myself in and maybe do a little knitting....but not for long I bet, as I am still exhausted from yesterday and this week will be just as busy as last week.

Hope you all had a good weekend, too!  :-)

Saturday, March 02, 2013

snaps on saturday

Another long day at a drumline competition. We were rising and shining by 6am, as the call time for the kids at the venue was at 8am.  I stayed for most of the day today, mostly to watch the performances.  I also helped a wee bit with the unloading and feeding of the tribe. I'd like to help more, but the ladies that do most of the food stuff treat me like I am feeble, and they choose to mostly speak amongst themselves in another language. I've given up trying to break into that clique, and I show up to help the kids in other ways, like announcing last week, for example

Around 4pm or so I came home for a bit to tend to the dogs and have some dinner. The drumline kids are still at the competition watching the color guard performances and waiting for the awards to be given out which happens at 9:30pm, and only if the whole shebang isn't running behind. TheMostImportantGuy and I are just about to head back there to see who wins and to pick up MyFavoriteKid as there was no bus for the kids for this one (lucky for us the venue is only 20 minutes or so away this time).

 Okay, the snapshot of the day, yah?

Batman plays a snare drum! hahahah

This was from an entirely Batman themed performance by a middle school. Every kid had their own unique costume in that group, portraying both good guys and bad.

Pictured  in the front line-up here in this particular photo are The Joker, Batgirl, The Riddler, and Robin.  I have no idea about the characters in the back there (I'm not that dedicated of a Batman fan), but one of those kids did the whole show wearing a plastic water cooler jug on his head. Crazy!

Mkay. Off to the venue again!

Friday, March 01, 2013

shoot myself with bullets

* Poor MyFK. Today was a furlough day in our district and it should have been a free day for him, but instead he had drumline practice from 10am to 8pm.

* In reality, I dropped him off at 9:45am and just now picked him up at 9pm!! 

* And they compete tomorrow!! Their call time?? 8am!!! In a city that is 30 minutes away (and no bus service for this one, the parents drive).

* And tomorrow's competition?  It runs until 8:30pm!!

* And I have to put in a few volunteer hours feeding the kids at the venue, too!

* In other words, his schedule is my schedule.  We have to be up at 6:15am.

* Here's some good news: I did get a bit of time for myself today (phew!).  I went to the Friday knitting group (yay!) and then I went out with the "Ladies Who Lunch". 

* Then I came home and knit for a bit while watching a few episodes of a boxed set of dvd's I just picked up (Season 1 of Game Of Thrones).

* Because even though it was a glorious 70-ish degrees here today, and it sure feels like spring is in the air.....some of us are preparing for the fact that Winter Is Coming!!