me. dancing.

From a couple of weeks ago at this year's Rakkasah...

(photo credits John Amdahl)

loves me a works in progress

I have been doing some thinking about dance since my last post about it.  I have much more thinking to do (and like I said, thinking that should be done after our "rillly big shewwww"....but meanwhile I have booked myself up with all sort of interesting dance things to explore elsewhere.

As filched from the Axis Dance Company site, here is what I did today:

Meet the Composer 
Attend a workshop and watch Beth Custer collaborate with Victoria Marks on their new work “what if would you”. See up close how a composer and choreographer work together and discover how Custer comes up with musical examples that eventually develop into the final piece. 

It's not often that you get a chance to sit in on a open rehearsal, and usually when you do, it's a late-in-the-process dress rehearsal or something.  Today was a pretty special treat because the piece they are working on is still very early in development, and honestly....as much as I love seeing art, I love seeing people make art.

Similar to what our own troupe is working on, the Axis piece involves dancers making music with live musicians, and musicians getting on stage and moving with dancers.  It was nice to be able to ask questions about their process, and also to learn that some of the resistance and challenges we've had with the musicians working with our ensemble are basically musician universal (ahhhh, the great dancer/musician divide!)

The other fun part about today was that this piece of theirs includes some audience participation, and they practices with some of us in the audience. It was really interesting to see into their process from that perspective (from within the piece just a bit).

Axis will be presenting this new work at their upcoming 25th Anniversary Show (details here)!

in my ears.....

This is what I've been listening to in the car for the last few days.
band: múm
album: YESTERDAY WAS DRAMATIC - TODAY IS OK

(go ahead, listen)
(try it. you'll like it.)
(it will make a great soundtrack for what you are about to read)
(it's what I was listening to when I wrote it, so it will be a "like minds moment" sort of thing, yah??)
(by the way...i love parenthesis!)


Sorry to be vague yesterday with the "Dumpsville" post, but sometimes it doesn't make sense to vent on a blog when you are exhausted and don't have time to edit, especially when the thing you are venting about could potentially involve people that might just be readers of your blog (I know my co-teacher KarenTheDancingLurker has been getting an earful of this for a good long while, so I don't believe anything here is new news to her, at least).
I'm getting it all out here tonight, though.
Apparently there is no keeping this in.

What had me down in the dumps yesterday is the fact that I am still trying to work through something that I have been trying to sort out for months now:
I need to fix my creative life in relation to dance.

Let's be honest here.
I am not happy what I am doing.
I have not enjoyed co-directing the present dance ensemble in quite awhile.
Not only is teaching and directing not feeding me creatively, it has now moved into the category of sucking the creative lifeblood right out out of me.
A couple of months ago, I set some very clear boundaries with my students and the ensemble, boundaries that I needed to be in place so that I could continue to even consider continuing to teach this class and create performances with this troupe.
These boundaries were communicated, understood, and accepted by the troupe.
In the last several weeks, every boundary that I had set has been crossed.
I do not believe any of them are out to spite me, and I am sure they'd tell you that none of the pain they are causing is intentional...but it really presents itself as if it's coming from a place of not caring, of disrespect, and of self-centeredness.
I can't continue to give so much of myself into this sort of environment.

I honestly do not know if I can continue to teach this class, and it saddens me greatly. I have been attending this class for 19 years, and I have been co-teaching it for 13 years, since our teacher died. Part of why I teach is to carry on my mentor's work. I so desperately wish she were here right now, right this minute, so that I could talk to her about all of this. She'd know exactly what to do (and it would probably involve giving the students and the entire ensemble a swift kick in the arse....but she commanded a much different level of respect, one that I am not so sure that I even come close to.)

I have been wanting to throw in the towel for months now, but I just can't seem to do it.  I worry my mentor's work will be lost. I worry about quitting and abandoning my co-teacher. I worry that I am giving up without giving it one last final push of effort to shape it into something that works for me (even though there have already been several "last efforts" already, and I keep trying "just one more thing".)  I worry about needing to deal with the fact that I strongly identify myself as a dance teacher, and if I no longer teach...then what am I? 

 
The only way I can continue to teach this class without becoming a horrible hot mess, is if I have another creative outlet for movement. If teaching this ensemble is going to going to make a hole in my soul, then I need other dance work to fill it back in again.  I need to take classes and workshops with other teachers. I need to try new things. Learn new things. Move other ways.  I need to do movement practices that inspire me. I need to work with people that are committed to working. 

The issue is this though:
there are only so many friggin'  hours in the day for me right now. As the single mom of a very active teenager, there are only so many nights a week that I can bail out of the house and take dance classes or go see performances or rehearse.  I do not believe that I can carve out any more "creative time" in my week at this juncture in my life.  Really, the best way for me to gain more creative time is to give up the many hours a week I invest in teaching my own class. 

But I keep not doing that.  I think about it. But I chicken out.

As of today, I am at least registered to take some workshops and classes over the next couple of months, even though I already do too much and I don't know how I'm going to pull it all off.  Tonight I spent time teaching MyFavoriteKid how to cook a few favorite meals so that he can be left alone for yet another night of the week on his own fending for himself.

But today I also spent several hours working on business stuff for the existing ensemble. I am supposed to be working on marketing and social network materials in an effort to reinvigorate the troupe with new students and troupe members.  It seems a little ridiculous to me on some level, to bring new members into an environment where the existing members actions are proving that they are not already on board....and it's bringing up quite a bit of anger and resentment.

I feel like I am going nuts because I am watching myself meditate and reflect upon what the clear path for me should be, and I hear myself saying what needs to happen (it's time to close a door so another can have swinging room to open), but I just don't want to do it. I don't want to give up....for the reasons I listed several paragraphs ago.... but I keep feeling like I should res-state them as if that will somehow make a difference.

I am tired.
I am tired and wilted from investing too much time in something that is bearing little fruit, or when it does bear fruit, it's bitter fruit.

And it's all moot. I can't do anything about it right now anyhow, not in peak performance season.
So I will revisit this whole issue.
Again. 
In a few weeks time.

a day full of dance

The ensemble had an early morning rehearsal for an upcoming festival performance.  Directly after that rehearsal we headed out for an afternoon performance at the memory care center of a local convalescent hospital...

(do I need to point out that that's me on the crutches? prolly not.)

....where one of the newest residents is a years-ago former member of the our very own dance troupe.  Her name is Connie and she is now 97, and even though she is in a memory care center and may or may not have known some of us individually, she still knew who we were as an ensemble having been a member herself at one time.  I came late to the troupe, and although I had met Connie at several events, she had already stopped performing by then. But the other dancers there today had indeed performed with Connie before, and some of those shows were actually at convalescent hospitals, because our teacher did that sort of thing often. It was an incredible full circle moment, really.

Connie said something to us after the show, and it was the very same thing she had said to me when I ran into her a couple of weeks ago while visiting the facility for a look at the dance space. She said she was so glad someone was carrying on our teacher's work.

I am so honored to do so.


It was a fabulously good time and a very special day for us.

because it's really hard to take photos whilst dancing...

Ok, kids. Fun times the past two Monday nights!  I'm taking a series of dance classes.  And since I have yet not figured out how to dance and take photos at the same time, I am going to have to give you some linky-linkies and filch some photos from the internet (and hopefully nobody will mind).

So, I have taken some workshops and classes before from Axis Dance Company, but it has been a very long while.  Well, I just happened to notice in their newsletter of a few weeks ago that they were hosting a series of master classes with Marc Brew.

I thought to myself:  Now, aren't you the lucky duck!!  

I had recognized Marc's name in the newsletter because I had see this video of his performance "Remember When" and just loved it.

Remember When from Marc Brew on Vimeo.

But I didn't realize that Marc had been commissioned by Axis last year to choreograph a piece for them. Mark is in town re-setting that piece, which he choreographed last year. The piece was/is called "Full Of Words", and it was nominated for three Isadora Duncan Dance Awards  (which is really big deal).  Now, because I'm not going to go all photo-filch crazy, please do click this link and you can see a really great photo roll the piece.  It's stunning.  But it's even better with the musical score. If you have some time, the complete video for Full Of Words can been viewed here.


I am finding this class to have some interesting challenges.  I'm a belly dancer.  When I perform with my troupe, it's on crutches.   The last few solo pieces I have choreographed for myself were on various levels of stools, also incorporating floorwork.  I am not a modern dancer;  I don't naturally make movements anything like what you see in the photos or videos above.  My movements are flow-y and round and soft, or if they happen to be percussive, which they sometimes are, those percussive movements are usually done in the hips.

None of that is what is happening in this series of master classes.

I found myself struggling through the improvisational exercises because I was using a wheelchair for dancing, which I don't do that often, and when I do, it's me by myself, not making contact with other people.  And I was really focused on making "not-round-shapes" like everyone else (who even knows if everyone else was even doing that though...I'm such a nut job.)   I was so busy working out those details, that I missed the point of the improvisational exercise which was pretty much to listen to the people you were dancing with.

Well, today I went back for round tow and danced like me.  Muuuuch better.  I enjoyed myself a lot more, and I learned a lot more, too.   One more class next week, and I am excited to go!

polish

I was in the bathroom prepping to paint my toenails.  I realized I was down to the last few drops of polish remover.  As I poured it onto the cotton pad, I actually said to myself in my head, "Oooo, save some for the other foot!"

Funny, that.  I don't have another foot.  And I have not had another foot what...coming up on nine years now?? Sheesh!

An elephant never forgets.


Here's why I was changing my polish today, by the way.

As part of getting ready for dance concerts, we often show our works in progress and get feedback from the other dancers. A few weeks ago I showed my solo and one of the comments I got was that my toenail polish was over attracting attention to my feet (pardon me again, my foot).

Maybe this is why.

L to R: Dark purple, so burgundy it's almost black, pepto pink,

robin's egg blue, forest green, a shiny sort of iris purple thing, 

lime green, and ink blue with sparkles.  

Sheesh.

Not exactly neutrals, right??  My first (internal) response to that feedback came from my very rebellious inner teenager, who was like, "Well, good! Fuck you!!" (it's important to note that my rebellious outer teenager in real life said that very thing, then wore spandex pants and had really big hair).

But the choreographer in me knows that it's a legitimate observation. 

I cannot tell you how many dances by other people I have seen, but not really seen, because I was too busy staring at the wrong shade of lipstick or the wrong jewelry or something.  The details do matter.

And when I looked around the dance studio, I realized that I was the only person in the troupe wearing color on my toes.

So here's what I tried on today.

Total frickin' snore-fest, and when I look at my foot, it doesn't even look like my own---my foot looks all nekkid and my toes sort of blend in with the floor!  But I'll take a hit for the team and sacrifice beauty for art and all that....hahahahahaha.

I might go shopping for one more shade darker...maybe with a hint of taupe in it. Or I might not. It seems a little silly to buy one more bottle of polish that I won't ever really wear!  I think the day after the show I'll repaint them that lime green :-)

more green things in my hands

First it was yarn, now it's...

...well, more yarn. 
Plus fabric.

This October I will be performing a duet (and a few other pieces) in a dance concert.  The other day my dance partner for the duet and I got together and got crafty.  I knit lengths of i-cord and she sewed up fabric leaves to attach to them.  We're going to dance with the vines :-)

stiff as a board

Wow, I haven't bellydanced in ages! We took the last couple of weeks of December off and shut down class for the holidays. In January, I injured myself, so I took myself out of the role of performer for the March dance event, and instead put myself more in the role of witness, director, and quasi-choreographer.

What this means is that I have sat on my butt during dance class for 3-1/2 months until tonight, and holeeee moley, I am stiff as a board!!



(but NOT light as a feather. Nope! Just stiff!!)

I hope I'm able to work out the kinks and get my groove on by the end of the month because we're performing this piece again for a National Dance Week event, and I am going to take the place of another dancer who can't make this performance.

The Sabah Ensemble performed tonight, the first night of the Rakkasah (for the yarnies, it's basically Stitches for belly dancers). The battery on my camera died before I could take photos of the convention space from the upper balcony, but I have blogged about it in years past here and here and here, and there are some photos in those posts that can give you the feel of the thing.

This year I did not perform with the troupe, but I was part of the entire rehearsal process and assisted by giving direction and assisting to create the choreography. Our goal this year was to create a new repertoire piece, one that could be easily adapted to different numbers of dancers and to dancers of different abilities. I think we succeeded in that, but the proof will be in the pudding when we adapt it to a new group the next time we run it. The general gist is that the troupe travels together very simply on a path around the stage, taking moments here and there to stop and undulation and rotate. As the group then begins to travel the path again, people drop in and out of the group to perform solos. It's simple really, but what makes it complicated is handling the transitions and making it look fluid and meditative. It's really a beautiful thing we created :-)

Here's a little taste:





At the end of the meditative-ish piece, the music shifts into something more percussive and celebratory, something that opens up more to the audience. Less introspective. More outward. And look how much fun was being had! LOL (I love the looks on the faces!)



When you go to Rakkasah you see mannnnnny different styles of bellydance, but I honestly can say I think we bring something unique to the table. We use bellydance as a form of creative expression in a way that's just a bit different. We spend a lot less time on choreography and a lot more time on dropping into the movement so that it feels rich and deep, and it really shows. It's like some troupes bellydance and make a statement with their dance, and it's more like we have a statement to make, and we use bellydance as the medium. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well, but it's almost midnight, so hey-- you get whatcha get LOL. ANYHOW....

I think we're awesome :-)
And I love what we do.


My shopping there this year netted me the bottom half of the new costume I am trying to assemble. I want to wear something metallic and gold. I'm working on a new solo that is turning out to be part three of a trilogy I had no idea I was creating when I did parts 1 and 2. Anyhow, so I found the pants. And go figure, I found a booth selling really great chocolate. Leave it to me to find the chocolate LOL.

Alrighty! I am pooped! Early day tomorrow. MyFavoriteKid has a dentist appointment and another drumline rehearsal (he's so exhausted! thank goodness there is only 2 more weeks of this and then the season is over!).

snaps on saturday

My early morning:




Amended soil with worms, and a plate full of lovely things that were harvested just this morning....out of the gardeners belonging to the people that are teaching the gardening class we are taking. TheMostImportantGuy and I have signed up for a 9 months series of classes (one Saturday morning each month, January through September) that is all about vegetable gardening.

We have great hopes for all of the empty land at the new house, but since be both lack real talent in the garden, we aren't going to start there. We're going to start by using what's already in place at my existing place while it is still available to us. My place has 6 raised beds that I sort of just plop tomatoes in and maybe a few herbs and then I take what I can get. This is the year to learn some mad skillz. Then we'll consider applying what we are learning to the new digs.


My late afternoon:




Special dance class with live drummers, taught by one of the DancersAmeritus of our dance ensemble (ahhh, I got to be a student for awhile!). I went to the class even though I am under doctors orders to limit crutch use and not use my arm much, at least until the physical therapist looks me over on the 8th. I started off just be being the class photographer with everyone's cameras....but I eventually caved in a danced for just a few. My fellow dancers wagged their fingers at me and I was ashamed. Sort of. LOL

performing tonight

I'm doing a little dance performance tonight at the studio. We are wrapping up a 10 week series of classes that were designed to be "an incubator" or sorts so that each of us that make up class (students and teachers both) could create solos.

And of course, here we are, at the end of the 10 week series and I am just now blogging about it...
because I am just that sort of blogger. LOL *sigh*

Here's what I've been up to:

Several years ago, when I was working with Dandelion Dancetheater, Eric Kupers, the director and choreographer, created this very long movement phrase that he wanted us all to learn as he believed it was to be inserted into an evening long piece somewhere. He choreographed for a very specific piece of music by Sweet Honey And The Rock, and that's what we listed to when we learned it, but as rehearsal progressed, every week he'd spring new music on us. Sometimes it worked for me, a lot of times it didn't....and he actually preferred the more abstract music where, to me, the music didn't seem to match the movements. I often had to tune out the music to just keep the movement phrase moving.

And it drove me nuts.

At the time.

(it also never ended up in that show, after all that work...hahahaha)


As the years have gone by however, I've become enchanted with the idea of experimenting with this again. I don't remember all of the movement phrase, but I've cobbled together enough of what I do remember to make it work.....and then I have danced.....as an experiment only....and these are just a few of the many questions that have come up for me:

* When I am supposed to be doing something (in this case, repeating a movement phrase...but in life....say, folding the laundry or paying the bills) what pulls me off center?
* How do I do what I am supposed to do while the background and scenery change?
* How much do I let external forces shape or shift what it is I am supposed to be focused on doing?

It's been quite a fun experiment. What I've done, over the last couple of months of class, is to show up every week with different music that I have never danced to before, and then apply the movement phrase to it. I've done everything from TheSmiths and Smashing Pumpkins, to Diana Krall and KD Lang. I've danced to chanting from the zen center and to music I have never even heard at all because it came off of a free cd I picked up in a coffee shop.

A few unexpected things came up as I watched myself play with this, the big one being how interesting I can get embellishing things when I get bored with something repetitive. Even if I try real hard to keep it simple and basic and just doing what I'm supposed to be doing, once I get bored I want to fluff things up LOL. It's also interesting to note that the only times I have every gotten lost in the phrase and forgotten what came next (it's about 2 minutes long), it's always been to the music I would have expected to be the easiest to work with.

edited to add: One of the other things I discovered to be true for myself at this time (who knows, it might shift as I work long), is that one of the reasons its hard for me to do the repetitive "thing I am supposed to be doing" without allowing the outside influences to affect me, is because it sort of seems ridiculous to me to NOT to be allowed it to be affected. I feel like maybe the lesson learned here is that I can still do whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing without denying the reality the world is perhaps dancing to a different drummer ;-) And that it would be somewhat robotic and even outright ignorant to not allow my surroundings to affect how I am doing something.

Tonight, we are having an open house, and I am "performing" this in front of whoever shows up, but it's still not quite a performance. Once again, I will be dancing to music tonight that I've never worked with before this way (although it's music I love: Paranoid Android by Radiohead--I chose it for tonight because I really only have time for one track and it has a lot of radical shifts of mood to it). Some day I'd like to perform this again with an ipod full of who knows what and let the audience shuffle it around on me, and then see what happens LOL.

I'm totally not done exploring this.
I am pretty sure this is only phase one of...I dont know what....

current dance inspiration

~~bayou~~

I know I'm not saying much about my dance process by just showing a photograph, but I'm the wee very early stages of creating a dance piece, and all I know is that it has something to do with the bayou. The process thus far is solely improvisational movement, so I haven't gotten to the place yet where I can attach words to it yet....but I thought I'd at least share the images.


I'm going to be soooo happy when things shift enough in the new house that I'll be able to do creative work in it (did I mention that I will have a dance/meditation space as well as a craft room??). It's some months away, but it will be so worth the wait.

dance inspiration

I'm sick and punchy and just about everything is irritating me just a little bit right now, so instead of complaining, why don't I show you one of the things that is inspiring my creative process around dance right now ;-)


That's the great Ruth St. Denis as Kwan Yin in the dance "White Jade", choreographed in 1926. It was,"an attempt to study stillness through dance."


Noticing any themes here? LOL

upon further inspection.......

After dancing last night (it was great), I think I know what is going on with the eerie feeling that it may be one of the last times I wear one.

I think it's been a very long time since I've had a new costume. I think it may be one of the last times I wear one of these costumes, because I think I am due for some new ones. Time to get sewing and creating!

I think also, I am overdue working on my next solo project. I've had ideas percolating for a few months now, but have been so busy with other projects (first the Rakkasah and then the student performance), that I have delayed my own work.

Time to get crackin'.

happy string & the list o' kvetch

Down at the bottom of this post you will find, as promised, my Craptacular List o' Kvetch.
Personally, I'd skip it and just read the nice stuff I'm gonna put here up top. This is my attempt to bury doody. My goal for tomorrow it to bury the doody even deeper with a photo heavy post about the SF Ravelry Meet-Up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy String

Last night, after that lame-assed post I wrote for y'all, things actually improved a bit. MyFavoriteKid came out of his room with a very long rubber-band, and said, "Look what I can do with this, mom!" What he did was make a tangled up stretchy mess, but what I realized he was trying to do was some sort of Cat's Cradle string game. Well, I was all over that.

We ditched the rubber band and replaced it with a loop of string (no shortage of that around here), and then jumped on YouTube to watch a couple of How-To videos. I used to be a pro a this as a kid, but I was seriously due for a refresher. It's totally like riding a bike, though. It was like I was in a time warp. Within a few minutes MyFK and I were side by side with our loops of string doing this:



I never thought I'd get a chance to do something like this with him. I never thought he'd be interested. When I was kid, this was something us girls did on the playground and the boys steered clear. Like, a wide berth, if I do reacall. Turns out times have changed, because several of MyFK's guy buddies have been running around with string trying to figure this stuff out.

I went to bed thinking, "Ya' know, when I was little girl and I learned how to do this, it may very well have been my first love of string! Watching it twist and turn and seeing how it wove into itself and what part your hands played in it, and then *poof!*. You wove it into some sort of magic. This may have been the beginnings of what inspired me to knit, I fell asleep wondering.

Except when I woke up this morning, I realized that the Cat's Cradle thing was our playground activity in 6th grade...but I learned how to knit when I was only 7 years old, and I knit a cardigan for my doll in a 4th grade after school program. So the Cats Cradle games came after.

I wonder what, if anything, came before the first time I picked up yarn and needles at age 7. I'm starting to have images of granny square blankets, and holiday gifts made by my aunt, and sitting and watching my great-grandma fiddling with something, but I'm just not sure.
I wish I could remember.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seriously, I'd just move along.

The KVETCH---as in, a rant that goes something like, "Can't you people just stay outta may way? My life is difficult enough with ME getting in my OWN way!"


* The State of California has sent me a letter. It was dated Monday 5/10, is postmarked Tuesday 5/11, and I got it late Thursday evening 5/13. It says I am required to appear in their offices at 10am on Tuesday 5/18 (to determine the fate of my insurance coverage) with a whole stack of papers and details that I cannot put together that quickly. The letter says I can call if there is a problem and make other arrangements. I phoned first thing the next morning to say I have a problem (short notice, plus I have a hugely important physical therapy at that exact same time). I got a voicemail telling me to leave a message and they will call me back in two business days. That was Friday. I got no call today, Monday.
Thanks, people.


* MyFK's drama teacher has decided there will be an post-productions cast party this Thursday, which she just announced this afternoon. I know it's still a few days away so I have a chance to wrap my brain around it, but here's the rub: this party of hers is to be held after school from 330pm to 5pm. ALSO HAPPENING THAT NIGHT? Every student from ALL classes are required to show up between 6pm and 730pm WITH parents in tow, to meet in the kids' homeroom so the kids may give an oral presentation about what they have learned this year. If they kids and parents do not show, the kids will fail a simple pass/fail homeroom. So I guess between 5pm and 6pm I am supposed to pick MyFK up after the drama party, drive him home, feed him dinner, make sure he's got his homework done, and get him back for his presentation (which includes dressing up and bringing props).
I should maybe tell you that all of this comes on the heels of her forcing required play rehearsals DAILY the same week that the state tests were taking place. I notified that principal that his letters home about, "Make sure your child is well fed and well rested," were ignored by his own staff. Next year's productions will take place earlier in the year.
Anyhow: Thanks, lady.


* The math teacher, the math department, the school administrators, the school district, and/or the state of California (not sure who to be pissed of at yet, so why not just be annoyed with all of them). This year MyFK is taking 7th grade advanced placement math (Algebra I), and there are two classrooms of 36 kids taking this one. Next year, for the 8th grade advanced placement math (Algebra II), there will only be one classroom of 36. Last Friday there was a surprise test issued (the day after annual State testing was completed--meaning, the day that the kids finally let their guards down after two weeks of stress), and this one test will determine which 36 kids will move forward. What this means is that if even if the student got an "A" in the class all year long, and even got, let's say, a 91% score on this surprise test, if he ranks as student number 37 with his grade on this one pop quiz? He/she will be repeating Algebra I again next year. So I might get to rally and fight this one (energy out), or I will have to spend all of the 2010/2011 school year listening to my kid complain about repeating the work (also energy out). There are a few other ideas I have to make this better, but I need to get some info from the school before I turn into a tornado.
So School folk?? Thanks, to all of you, too.
(*update to this: MyFK thinks he ranked 21 out of 36 and that he is in. I have no written proof yet, though.)


* My immediate dance community. I also feel very restricted by the scheduling issues that keep arising between my co-teachers and fellow performers when it comes to teaching and/or performing. This has been going on for over a year now, over and over again in various forms, and it once again points to the fact that I am overdue in assessing whether or not this is working for me anymore. I'm not as pissed off at my dance-folk as I am at the state or the school folk, but it's still in the same category---but if there was more flexibility and consideration in regards to scheduling coming from my counterparts, I wouldn't be in this place of figuring out if I need to basically redesign my entire creative life. So, Thanks.



There's more, but I'm sick of thinking about it and I'm sick of rambling. Some of these are big deals, some of them are not--I know that. I know that I am just making them big deals. I know I do that. I am the Queen of Doing That.


Now. Tomorrow. Pictures. And we'll just make this all go back to being no big deal.

more floor

So this is an addendum to yesterday's post. Mouse was had said that if I am going to stare at the floor for so long, she wondered if it was at least a nice one.

That photo is a pretty great shot of it (I used it onece before here), and you can also see more photos of it here (the zen center website--just click and let the photos scroll through the slide show on the home page). One of the reasons I like that photo above though, is that it is taken from where I often end up sitting. It's not like we have assigned seats or anything, but the corner spots are usually easier for me to get up and down from (crutches, and all that).

So the floor. Lemme tell ya', I have a very interesting relationship with the floor of this place. You see, many years ago (beginning in 1994 for me, actually), long before the zen center purchased this building from it's previous owner, it was on long term lease to none other but my very own dance teacher and her partner.

This is the building that I learned to dance in. For years, every week, on Thursday nights, I sat on a mat (longer, full body) on this floor, doing the same warm-up series that I now teach (my teacher passed away in 1999 and I started co-teaching the class in 2000).

This is the floor where I danced my very first solo, and where I rehearsed my very first performances, and where I circle-danced on solstices and equinoxes with my fellow classmates. I have rolled around on this floor as a dancer, and when I practice meditation sometimes I swear I am merging with it once again. Heck, we're both made of cells, right? It's just a floor, and I'm just a person, and only because of how those cells ended up being organized, no??

I have a deep connection to the floor. To the whole space, really. When we would rehearse a dance piece, sometimes these geese from across the street would honk, and the geese still honk during meditation all these years later! And the windows, which are squares of various shades of opaque glass...the whole room shifts and changes and sun filters in. The kitchen and bathroom still have their classic tile, and the garden outside, even though tended to differently, still has some of the same features, especially the larger trees.

I love this place, and when it became a zen center and my teacher and her partner needed to relocate (because they couldn't manage to purchase the building when the owner sold it), I was shook up for a bit. It was quite the shift getting used to the new place. I now have the same deep love for our current space. But I never ever thought that I'd see the inside of the old space again.

And now, here I sit.
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Oh, and by the way....



Can you believe it's March?!

class tonight

Very late. Just got home from teaching dance class.

It's a very interesting thing, this work we do. We do teach people dance moves, but that isn't really what it's all about. Most of what we teach has to do with body alignment and how to use our skeletal structures to release patterns of muscular holding, so that we can be dancers (rather than just folks to take a dance class). We also teach some wonderful exercises and techniques for making our movements more full. More rich. Fulfilled. Complete.

It's like our students (and ourselves) have toolboxes, and we as teachers help load the boxes up with tools that can be pulled out as needed when dancing or performing (or anything else probably--walking down the street, comes to mind). The key to all this toolbox stuff though, is that one needs to be aware at any (and every) given moment, about what is going on with oneself, and which tool could be used to enhance the experience.

It's about being present. It's about being aware. It's about trusting that if you want to tweak something or drop into something more deeply, that you know what is needed. And then it's about actually being responsible for yourself and doing what is needed.

Kinda doesn't even sound like I am talking about dance anymore, to some of you maybe. LOL


It's funny to me how hard it is to articulate this stuff outside of class but how I am (almost always) able to successfully communicate this while I am actually doing the teaching. I swear, it is channeled or something. Maybe I open my mouth and my dance teacher crosses over from the other side, gets into my head, and I am just speaking her words. Maybe it's that I turn off my head and my own inner wisdom speaks. I dunno. Whatever. It's pretty great though, because at the same time I share with my students, I still teach myself.

what caused me to happy-cry today

I had seen the "stillness version" of this sort of thing before, but never had I seen this:



Just makes my eyes squirt.



The link was forwarded to me by KarenTheDancingLurker, my co-dance teacher and fellow collaborator, because it is related in some ways to an image we are using to inspire our current choreography in progress:

Today went differently than I had expected. I had totally planned on it being a "girly" day (hence my passing on the Yarn Harlot excursion yesterday and spending Saturday with TheMostImportantGuy instead). It didn't end up being a girl day at all.

My plan was this: I invited my bellydance co-teachers to join me at this relatively new weekly ecstatic dance thingy. There was no guarantee either would come. Neither one got back to me on it with a firm commitment, but I was kinda hoping (I gotta work on that hoping thing--it aint workin'. Neither is the throwing open house parties, either...more on that another time).

I went to the dance thing anyhow and had quite a good time.


Great dance space (the Historic Sweets Ballroom in downtown Oakland), really good music, and good group of people. The only rules at this place are:
a) no conversations on the dance floor
b) dance however you want

Love that.
I always wonder why there isn't some rule posted about toucing people, though. I have never been able to understand why people who are into contact improv think that when another person gets down onto the floor that it is an instant inviation for them to sachet over to you and touch you. Especially when this was not a contact improv event (even though there were many from that community in the room). This phenomenon is not unique to this dance event. It happens everywhere. And being one legged, if I am out of my wheelchair, I might be standing for awhile, but it's a pretty safe bet that at some point I will also utilize the floor. I am also a bellydancer, and we use do "floorwork" often. But when I go to the floor, that means I want to move differently than when standing. Not that I want to dance with you.

Contact improv is okay with me. When I sign up for it. I like contact improv. And I did some of contact today and it was fun. I am sure that if I didn't want to, my wishes would have been respected (maybe). But I most certainly was not sending out the "dance with me" vibe when I was approached, either. It's always a bit curious to me.

Anyhow.
There was an altar set up in one corner and someone had left a deck of osho-zen-tarot cards. I drew this one:

The general gist of the card was something about fruit knowing when it is ready to fall from the tree. Natural process.
Not quite sure what that means yet.


So after the dancing, my plan was to maybe spend some time with the ladies, but since that didn't pan out, I actually got to spend a really fun afternoon with TheMIG instead (bonus).

Later in the evening, I was scheduled to meet up with another friend (actually the adult daughter of one of the co-dance teachers). We were going to go to the MAC Cosmetics store for a party they were throwing to release their new make-up line. That friend cancelled in the early afternoon (sick), but I went to the party myself anyhow.

What a bummer that I showed up in my wheelchair and I could only get three friggin' feet in the front door.


Annoying.

So no girls today.
Well, except for the two chasing me down on the dance floor.

Anyone wanna do coffee or something?

custom knitting

I had 1 skein of sock yarn. I have 1 leg. I am a professional dancer (on the one leg). What I have been needing in my sock wardrobe is a single yoga/pilates sock (a sock w/no heel & no toe)…but I also needed it to be an over-the-knee sock to keep my knee warm during rehearsals.

What I like about this concept is that I can throw on a little footie sock over this to cover my heel and toes, and then I can wear this OverTheKneeSock out of the studip with boots and a mini-skirt or something, too. I think I might even have enough yarn left over to complete that footie as a matching set. If I do not have enough, I am sure I have a remnant from another sock project to make a nice contrasting heel and toe. It won't matter much, because it will be inside the boot!

Over The Knee Yoga/Pilates Sock (ravelry link)
started: 6/25/08
finished: 8/19/08
yarn: "Silky", from Knit It Up!, colorway "The Hills Are Alive" (from the SockYarnCinema yarn club--this yarn was dyed to represent "The Sound Of Music"

Here are my pattern notes (these are just my NOTES, kids. I am not writing a pattern, offering a pattern, selling a pattern, pretending to be a designer, writing a tutorial, etc). If you want to make your own pair of these, and what I type here helps you out---yay! But I am only typing this up here on my blog as a record for myself, because I would like to make a few more of these babies! My notes are not necessarily going to make sense to you, and I am sorry about that. I'm glad to respond to questions if you have them, but don't go harping on me about errata and my crappy note keeping. If you do, the next FinishedObject I knit will be a voodoo doll that looks just like you ;-)

(If you are new here, please know that I am kidding. And if you are not knew here, you know that I am only half-kidding about kidding. hahahaha)

I definitely have modifications that I will use on V.2, and those are listed in italics both within the body of my notes, and at the end of my notes.

foot:
* US 1-1/2...2.5mm dpns, set of 4 (used knitpicks nickel plated)
* CO 60 sts, distributed as: N1=30 (sole/back), N2+3=15 ea (top of foot/front)
* joined to work in the round
* K2 P2 rib for 5 rows
* K every round for 30 rows (3" from the CO edge)

To create heel opening:
* N1: P2,K2 across, ending with P2; N2+3: K all sts (repeat rib for a total of 5 rnds)
* BO 30 sts k-wise, K across N2+N3, turn.
* P 1 row, turn; K 1 row.
* CO 30 sts (using backward loop method), rejoin into the round, k across N2+3.
* rib across N1, K across N2+3 for 5 rnds, same as above.

lower calf:
* do a M1 at the back of the sock in the center to create an odd number of sts, so that the decorative sts will be centered....ie: K14, KFB, K15 (31 sts on N1 now), then complete the round (61 sts total).
* K 4 rnds even.
* K 80 rounds for the leg, but for fun, add in the "flutter-by" st running up the back seam (taken from this pattern); I did 10 plain rounds between each "flutter-by". 80 rnds = 4 butterflies = approx 7" from "heel"

calf-shaping detail

calf shaping:
* when dpns become difficult, switch to 2 circs (next time, must learn how to do magic loop!)
* when beginning the 5th butterfly, begin Calf increases as follows (continue flutter-by seam detail throughout):
* set up: k10 sts, pm, m1 back....k across to last 10 sts, m1 front, pm, k10 sts
* work an increase at the markers every 3rd row (ie r1, r4, r7, r10, etc) until completing an increase of 40 sts over 58 rows (total of 101 sts); this makes for an approx 4-1/2" long increase section, for a total length of 11-1/2" from "heel".
* knit 20 rows straight (still flutter-by-ing)
* next, begin Calf decreases as follows (continue flutter-by seam detail throughout):
* dec 1 st at each marker (using ssk's and k2togs), and then K 2 rnds plain...do this a total of 7 times until 14 sts have been decreased (87 sts total)

worn folded over as a knee-high

cuff:
* K 1 round plain, but K2tog at the center back to eliminate 1 st and get back to an even number (86 sts total)
* 80 rounds of K2 P2 rib
* BO using sewn cast-off (fantastic instructions found here...thanks Bon for the tip!)

worn scrunched up more like a traditional leg-warmer

Mods for V.2:
* I would make all of the ribbed areas around the toes and heel wider, perhaps 10 or 15 rows instead of 5. It's working fine with only 5 rows (the stockinette is not curling) but I'd prefer the fabric to grip the foot a bit more in those areas.
* I used a regular, plain old BO at the foot bed in order to create the "heel", and while it functions, it would have been better if it was stretchier. Next time I will use the sewn bind off there, too...but I hadn't learned how to do it yet! Luckily, it's easy peasy ;-)
* The calf shaping. Well, it does fit me perfectly. Perfectly. I did the necessary math. But I placed the increases up the leg in such a manner that they make an angle:


It's not bad, but it is a bit unflattering on me (read as: makes my leg look huge). Next time, I might try running the increases straight up the back seam instead, straight up as a line, in an attempt to make the leg look loooong....not wiiiide.

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On to the next project!