Thursday, January 26, 2006

i need a blogging instructor

I have had a whole lot on my emotional plate lately. No emotional entree takes center plate, though (once a chef, always a chef). It's more like a plate full of little emotional side dishes. It's like going out for Indain food or something.

For me, my most interesting side dishes are emotions related to dance. I have feelings that are intense and fascinating to me, and they are feelings that I believe other artists or amputees (or human beings) can probably relate to.

I just can't figure out how to blog about it.

I'm quite skilled at doing process oriented, stream of conciousness, emotional in a personal/private journal. But I'm not skilled yet at creating a public post out of that kind of writing, and I'm not sure how to turn the raw information into something that could be read and clearly understood by others.

I have another challenge that makes me hesitate while posting, and that is the concern of drawing unwanted internet attention by certain key words in my writing. For example, I am currently in rehearsals with a dance company that performs naked. Putting certain words like naked and amputeee in the same post could potentially draw the attention of some googling idiot, and that is not the kind of attention I desire to have. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I had someone instant message me who found me via this blog--the person was claiming to be a female amputee. I immediately and correctly guessed that it was a male, and nailed the prick. While I'm not surprised by this kind of sick behavior, but I still find it unsettling, and I'm not really into attracting more of it.

I actually put together an entry for the blog containing the afore mentioned IM chat, along with some thoughts of my own, but I didn't post it for fear I'd gain more unwanted attention. As I sit here typing, I'm having the feeling I'll post it anyhow. I also did quite a bit of writing last week about some really stong feelings of resistence I've been having about wearing the prosthesis. Stuff that gets me crying and angry and a ton of other stuff, but I'm not sure how to write that up in a way that makes sense. Dance it for you?..yes, I can do that! But writing isnt my strong suit.
Maybe I'm not born to blog.

I'm not quite sure what to do next. I'm thinking I'm just going to finish up what I've started writing and throw it up on here and let y'all just deal with it (or not...I mean hey, it's like TV--if you dont like it, just change the channel). So expect me to post some babble this weekend, and then next week I'll tell some more funny gimp stories or pictures of knitting.