Tuesday, February 12, 2008

this is post is strange because i am

I'm just in a mood. The closest I can come to describing it is, "dissatisfied."

* My house is a wreck, it is making me uncomfortable, but I don't feel like cleaning it.
* I would like to be knitting, but I'm not enthusiastic about anything on the needles right now.
* I'm tired of spending so much time alone, but I'm also sick of dealing with people.
* I'd like to write about the dancing of two weekends ago, like I have said so many times that I will, but apparently I have enough feelings about it, that I can't get it out.

I'm just sort of itchy funky not-comfortable-in-my-own-skin and nothing feels quite right, if ya' know what I mean.

possible contributors:
* I finally went to visit James, my convalescent home buddy that I volunteer visit. He is temporarily at another facility. It just so happens that it is the same place that used to visit his wife at while she was there dying. Come to find out, she died of a brain tumor. Guess what? It is also the same hospital the my dance teacher spent so much time at. She also died of a brain tumor. Needless to say, James and I both aren't really keen on the place.
* I came off the raw foods cleanse diet thing only to take up eating like crap with a vengeance, and it is making me feel horrible, both physically, and emotionally.
* I might not be able to participate in the performance in March with the bellydance troupe I co-direct, due to some scheduling conflicts and communication problems. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel watching them perform without me. It already doesn't feel so good just thinking about it.
* I'm being irresponsible about tending to several household matters (mostly of the paperwork kind) that need to be tended to.
* My life is. Way. Too. Scheduled. It does beat chaos, I do believe. But I feel like there isn't enough room for creativity and spontaneity.

I hope I'm not headed for funk.

Maybe I need to knit lace again?? Last time I did that, it made me feel much better. Like I could see the holes in the fabric I was creating, and it helped me to find quiet empty spaces in my brain.

Suggestions welcome.


JohnK said...

suggestion one:
Wait for February to end.

suggestion two:
Go feel some yarn.

suggestion three:
Get in that van and drive.

Anonymous said...

hey lady, I think we caught the same thing last night. What works for me is to clean one thing. Not a full on cleaning rampage (ugh) but one thing I can feel I accomplished (scrubbing the toilet is usually my funk-buster). The sumer I lived with my uncle after quitting my well-paying job and moving 250 miles away from my hunny so I could be a 21-year-old college freshman, my uncle used to tell me to just go to bed because I'd feel different in the morning.
JohnK's suggestions are pretty good too.

But I would say the most important thing to do is to remember the funk isn't permanent; joy will return. :)

Carol said...

If you have never read Food and Healing, by Anne marie somebody, you might want to take a look. Lots of interesting perspectives.

Other that that? I got nothing.

Except bask in the virtual hugs and love I'm sending you.

P.S. Charcoal thinks you need to adopt a bunny.

Barbara from Nova Scotia said...

Sorry. Can't think of any mood improvement suggestions. I'm there myself. Unfortunately starting to lose grip on keeping it in check and the funk is slinking closer.
Just so you know that you're not alone. We're out here thinking of you and wishing good things for you.

Janice in GA said...

A good piece of lace knitting engages your mind enough that you don't have to think about the other things so much.

That does assume you can concentrate, which I'm not doing so good at right now. :(

Littlelou said...

Totally know where you're at. i'm in and out the funk as much as i am the bath! Makes the good days worth smiling about. xx

MsAmpuTeeHee said...

john ~ wait for feb to end before I do what? Or do you mean, just wait. In general. And I am actually going to take the van and drive to where the yarn is LOL.

jennakate ~ yeah, it's a mini-funk. Not so bad. And I cleaned my bedroom spotless yesterday after I read your comment, and it felt great once it was time to go to bed.

Carol ~ I will check for that book. Oh, and tell Charcoal that TheMIG thinks I need to get a doggie.

barbara ~ well here is a hug back then!

janice ~ yeaaaahhhhhh. Lace. I think I definitely need a new knitting project. Mine are all thick winter knits right about now, it seems.

littlelou ~ that's it!! I need to jump in the tub!!

Warrior Knitter said...

Maybe a little bit of it all. Pick ONE thing that you CAN deal with a do it. Just the ONE thing.

Knit the lace and fly out through the wholes (not a typo).

MsAmpuTeeHee said...

WarrriorKnitter ~ Oooh I like the idea of wholes :-)