Sunday, January 17, 2010

recnac kcuf

Many things, many things! My head is so full, of so many many things.
Let's start with a big one.

Something's been unfolding over the last few weeks. TheMostImportantGuy's father has a health issue.

It's the big "C" word.

Kinda makes me want to break out and knit him some "Fuck Cancer" Socks or something, although I'm not sure if that would be appreciated.

It's in his bladder. The tumor was found via spy-cam embedded in the wall. No signs of trouble outside the bladder or in the surrounding tissue (good news), so the docs were able to get it out using a minimally invasive technique. While they were in there though, they found more fucking cancer, and it's in the bladder tissue itself. The options now are removing the bladder entirely, or going down the path of chemo/radiation. Or the doing nothing option, I suppose. Which I do not believe is being considered as an option.

There are consultations with surgeons and oncologists to be had over the next couple of weeks. One of the big deals here is that TheMIG's dad (hmmm...he's gonna need a monniker, aint he) also has the additional complication of being diabetic. Either procedure has it's pros and cons enhanced by that fact, so more information is needed. And hopefully it shall be gained expeditiously.

Let us all do some mojo, shall we?

For myself personally, I am just trying keep an eye on how I may be of the most help. So far, it seems like my best function has been to be some sort of EmotionalHallMonitor.

TheMIG's mom (hmmm...more monnikers needed) is the sort of person who will not ask for help because she doesn't want to put anyone out. She's also the type of person who, even if you realize that she does need help and you offer it, she'll refuse it the first time. You have to use the salesman's strategy of "overcoming the objection". Once you do that, she accepts and is extremely thankful. I'm the one kinda pointing out the fact that repeated offers to help need to be made. Or I'm suggesting that maybe we dont even offer. Just help.

Mmm. One other HallMonitor-ish thing regarding his mom. She is a high energy lady who never stops moving. She might just keep herself busy dusting and reorganizing the garage through this whole thing. I'm a bit worried about what is going to happen if she slows down enough that the feelings squirt out. Could get messy. Not that squirting feelings are bad. Just thinking support might be a good thing. Timing is everything.

I'm also keeping an eye on my sweetie. I think he's doing okay. It's hard to tell sometimes. He's the quiet type. He seems alright. Maybe an undercurrent of stress showing itself as fatigue and the need for more sleep. He is doing what he normally does, which is to go on a huge fact gathering mission. I love that about him. When something big (or small, actually) comes up, he does a whole bunch of research...which is hugely useful to everyone involved...but really I think that part of why he does this is because the whole process itself of gathering that information seems to soothe him. I'm so glad I have figured that out about him. When I first met him I mistook it for hiding behind a laptop. I thought it was some sort of avoidance technique of his to have an issue and then run for the computer. Now I know that he isn't logging on to play FreeCell. He's actually getting educated about the subject because....well, isn't it more comforting to be armed with information instead of feeling in the dark about something?

My strategy where TheMIG is concerned is to just keep him fed (so he can focus) and happy. These are things I try to do for him at all times anyhow, but for now I am trying to do them with the added element of "cozy".

There is one big lurking EmotionalHallMonitor concern that I have, though.
It's TheMIG's dad.
This guy is smart and funny, he's a pleasure to be around, and he is very much loved by his friends and family.
My concern is this: I do believe, and this may just be my perception, that because of his ill health due to his age and diabetes, that he sometimes sees himself as a burden to others. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt his distress. He expresses his frustration with me when he can't do something that he would like to, and I have often seen him feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed for either needing assistance, or needing to do less than he thinks he should.

I do believe he is one tough cookie and fighter, but I am really really really worried that there is a part of him that could just use this as an out and give up. I am totally projecting and have no idea if he is really feeling this way, but my point in writing about this is because I'm not quite sure what to do with my worry! (hmm, jeez...maybe I DO knit Fuck Cancer Socks...if not appropriate for him, for ME).

If he really IS feeling this way, I mean, I don't think anyone should deny their feelings if they have them, but that attitude is typically not one that helps the fight, ya' know?? I'm telling you right now: if this here HallMonitor catches him sneakin' around trying to play hookie on life, I'm gonna be the first to kick his ass back into class.


Ragnar said...

Sending lots of mojo to you and your man.

Gwen said...

Yup, you got your job description right. Support the support. And it ain't so easy. (just help, don't offer, but you've got that figured out too.)

Sucks Hard.

Good thoughts to all of you.