Friday, December 17, 2010

slacker central.

I spent today sitting at home and watching the rain fall, and knitting what would be those tights/leggings I was craving (except that I am going to run out of yarn, so it might be more like a thigh high).

There are other things I could have, and probably should have, done today...but I didn't do them....and I found myself wondering if with all that has gone on this past week if this isn't my way of tuning out or something.

I think not.

I think I have been entirely present for all of this, and that I haven't avoided processing any of it. I just think that being this present is causing me to really need some deep-arsed do nothing time in between all the stuff. I think I have really been doing okay.

Except maybe for that moment on Wednesday when I was in the shower crying because nobody has asked me how I'm doing with all of this stuff....which is a friggin' riot, 'cuz lots of people have asked me how I'm doing with all this stuff, it's just that I aint been really answering that question or something. *sigh*

I dunno.

I'm going back to knitting.

I know I have stories to finish here. But tonight I knit. And sleep early. And tomorrow I do a full one-day sitting thang at the zen center. And Sunday I try to pull Christmas out of my butt, because I the only thing I have done to move me in that direction is to buy one poinsettia plant. MyFavoriteKid is now officially on vacation for three whole weeks, so that ought to be interesting, because this is the first time in years I haven't planned a little trip for us to go on during one of the weeks.

2011 has just got to be easier.


Anonymous said...

Sometimes a do-nothing day is perfectly indicated. How lovely to know that about yourself and your situation, and how wonderful to be able to take that time without a bunch of woulda-coulda-shoulda about what somebody else might think you 'should' be doing instead.

I can see your loving support of the MIG and his family all through your recent posts. And I'm glad you realize that you, too, have suffered the loss of Mr. W. I hope you will be gentle with yourself as you have been with the other grievers.

Wishing you plenty of love, light, and healing laughter