Thursday, December 06, 2012

because i had to

my pear and gorgonzola pizza 
(that I didn't finish
but only because it appeared after the bowl of tellegio polenta I dug into) 
note that this was served with a couple of glasses of sparkling wine 
(omg I almost typo'd "whine" hahahaha)

I did not go to dance class tonight. 
I played hookie.

I needed to stay home.  Because honestly, I have a negative attitude about the whole danged thing.  I could go on a rant here about it, but honestly, I need to not do that....because who the heck knows who else reads this damn blog.  I had already gone off on the very same rant a couple of hours earlier with my dearly beloved and tolerant co-teacher, KarenTheDancingLurker. I was not ranting at her about her, as she is not the problem.  I was ranting about the future direction of our class, as we are all aware that a shift is in order.

Let's just say that I am horribly conflicted about teaching (well, I am conflicted about what I am teaching, and why I am teaching it), and I'm really conflicted about how to work with the existing troupe members while marketing and expanding to new students.  One of the big issues is that these things seem to be at odds, and there is also a problem where our existing student base is quite used to being cared for and catered to in a way that no longer serves my needs as a teacher.  I am done doing what I am doing. I do believe a big change is in order. 
Because I am just. Not. Happy.

And today the shit really hit the proverbial fan.

So instead of class, I decided I was better of at home...but really, I did not want to be at home either, thank you very much, and so I had a very impromptu dinner with my friend Brooke up at The Oxbow Public Market, which is where we meet for knitting every other week.  I kinda could not even believe Brooke was available. She is one busy woman, lemme tell ya'.  Anyhow, I texted her at 7pm-ish, and lo and behold, she was actually free to meet up on a whim.  She was finishing teaching a  knitting class at 7:30 and we met up for dinner at 8.  It was grand.  We talked about all sorts of stuff. And it true "oh my god I love my girlfriends" fashion, she gave me tossed me a really good piece of fat to chew on about class.  She called me out for some of my habits and how I operate, and she held up a mirror so I could really see why I am so unhappy.

It's all good.  And a little not so good, because change is in order, and change is hard. 

I keep typing, "change is sometimes hard"  and "change can be hard"....but dude. Change is hard.

Even when it's required, or a relief, or forced upon me by life, or even when it is easy....
I cannot think of one time it has ever been comfortable for me.

Oy vey, too much bubbly talking.  What a lightweight!
Early morning with the kiddo tomorrow, and knitting with the ladies followed by the winter holidays celebration and gift exchange, so I am off to bed now....


Bob & Phyllis said...

I usually lurk, but you hit a button for me on this one--
Change is ALWAYS hard, even when it is WIN/WIN/WIN for everyone as far as the eye can see. The ONLY people who like change are babies, so cut yourself a little slack. 8)

Time out so you can rant is perfectly ok; you cannot make your change if that is in the way.

Good luck with the things you need to do. I do read your blog daily, even if I rarely comment.

not supergirl said...

Oh my gosh, I just wrote like three pages of cliches. Now that that is deleted, all my comments come down to this:
1) I'm glad you played hooky and that your friend was unexpectedly available when you needed her.
2) You're right. Change IS hard.
3) You can do hard things.

So, I'm still writing in cliches, but at least they're more concise now. :)