Tuesday, March 21, 2006

in defense of the prosthetistitute

mmm…ok, so let’s start with a little teehee.

Last Thursday I ran into an acquaintance at a local market. We’ve met through the dance community twice, for an approximate total of 7 minutes. Almost all of those 7 minutes have been entirely filled with her asking me about my amputation. And all of those minutes have been with my not wearing a prosthesis. I dont wear it when I dance yet.

I wasn’t wearing it when I ran into her at the market, either….because, well…see the previous post. It was “in the shop.”

Anyhow, she was stuck at the market due to car problems, so I offered her a lift somewhere, and during the car ride, we had another 4 minutes to play the Amputee Q & A game…this time, about whether or not I have a fake leg.

So she asks me if I have one, and I say:
“Yeah, but I had to leave it at my prosthetist’s, because…blah blah blah (and I start the story) …”
and I look up to see her face pale slightly and become riddled with worry lines…
and she’s sort of half-mouthing half-mumbling something to herself…

So I shut up.
And listen.

And she’s muttering to herself, very quietly,
“Prah-sta-……praw-stahhh….praw-steh-tic…prah-sti…what do you call your leg doctor???????”

“A prosthetist.”

“Holy crap. I could have sworn you said you left your leg at your prostitute's. I just could not figure that out.”

I got my leg back yesterday. And in defense of the PROSTHETIST, it wasn’t the cutting of the leg/pipe that caused the problem. He detached some wiring to move it out of the way while he performed his little surgery, and then reconnected it. Apparently when you do that, you have to “zero everything out again” in the computer component of my bionic leg.

We have still yet to determine if that little hack job will affect my warranty, though. ‘Cuz if it did, it’s getting replaced anyhow.

But I have the thing back now, and something must be shifting with me, because I was actually glad to have it back…like I missed it. And that was a first. And I seem to walking a bit smoother with that little height adjustment.

Of course, just when I get used to it, we’ll make more adjustments to it, probably. The next one is bigger though...we'll have to be making me a new socket in a few weeks. I’ve been the incredible shrinking woman, and even though I can tighten it up and make it smaller, I’ve about maxed that system out.

It’s too bad the rest of me hasn’t shrunk proportionately.

Now wouldn’t that be rad.


Anonymous said...

"Prosthetistitute" -- A HA HA HA HA

Hey, I'm excited for you. I'm so glad it seems to have been such a simple problem, and that you have such a nice prosthetistitute (and you should definitely tell him this story) who was able to figure it out so quickly. I'm also excited for you to be getting your first "real" socket soon that might actually fit you for longer than a week. Awesome.

On your behalf my heart also swelled quickly and then contracted when I read, "...something must be shifting with me, because I was actually glad to have it back...like I missed it." Yes, you have turned a corner. I went through this all a lot faster than you, because of my lack of other injuries or other medical complications. But I remember that shift, which happened after I finally (after a couple of months; I'm such a wimp) got something I knew I could work with and keep for a long time. Barring further drama (which we must never rule out, alas), it should all start getting a lot easier now.

Really very happy for you. Fingers crossed.

Anonymous said...

I maxed out my temporary socket too! I was trying to pull it tighter and I ended up breaking it because it wouldn't go any tighter.

I love the prosthetistitute story. I can't tell you how many times that word has stumped people (no pun intended).

Good luck with getting your leg back. I don't know if you ever got a chance to read any of my c-leg posts, but there was a time when I was without it in the fall and I was extremely upset. I am lucky because I have an old leg that I use for a back up, but once you get used to the C-leg it's very hard to go back.