Wednesday, December 20, 2006

not much smiling going on around here

We did not settle yesterday.
I'd really like to tell you all the details, but most things can't be disclosed here. Who the hell knows who's reading. Here's what I'm pretty sure I can safely say.

I can tell you that Mediation Man is still working on finding a resolution by having several follow-up discussions with all parties, so it aint over til it's over. It is entirely possible that good news may still be on the horizon, riding on the waves of the mojo y'all sent (thank you everyone!). There could still be some activity this week, but probably not next week due to the holidays. There may even be activity in the first week of January. But once we get much further into January, all players start preparing for a trail.

I can tell you that there is still a high probability of heading to trail, however I can also tell you that one of the key players has a reputation for offering settlements right before, and even during trials. So again, it aint over til it's over.

I can tell you that I felt MediationMan worked very hard to reach a resolution. I perceived him to be very skilled at his career of choice. He took the time to immerse himself in the details, and I felt he kept asking all of the right questions until he felt he had a clear understanding of what was actually being said by me and my crew. It was clear to me that he was doing the same thing for the other side, too. He seemed neutral and fair.

Have you ever had those people in your life that really listen to you, totally maintain an open mind so that can receive more information, and are able to draw multiple conclusions? He was that kind of guy, squared. I mean, I could almost seeing him wearing some type of Mediator Supersuit (I am Mediator Man! Tatadaaaaaaaa!!!). He even took the time to pause amogst the legal-ease to spend a moment with me to have a human to human exchange.

I can tell you that my attorneys are A-Class representatives, not that I didn't know that already, but seeing them in action in this setting, witnessing their strategic processes, reconfirmed that for me.

I can tell you that in my eyes, things did not go badly yesterday. In my eyes, my case still feels strong. Maybe even stronger. I got to hear a little bit of the other side's argument. I think mine's better.

I can tell you that there were 12 people involved yesterday, many with competing interests, and it's very hard to get that many people on the same page, which is a general way of explaining why yesterday didn't end with a resolution.

I can tell you that personally I was doing alright mood-wise, until I called home in the afternoon to say hi to MyFK and see how things were going, only to find out he had left school early because of this:

that would be an adult, front tooth you are looking at

My Favorite Kid (who actally at these moments becomes "Your Son" or "Your Grandchild") was rough-housing with a friend at school and fell forward and chipped his front tooth. Lovely. And expensive. And also where I spent my afternoon today.

But back to yesterday, when I got the news...there I was stuck in the stupid little room, and that's when I really started feeling poopy. I'd been keeping the poopyness under wraps, and having something non-legal in front of me to focus my feelings on just sort of opened up the emotional channel. Wanting to leave to go be with my baby and not being able to was upsetting. I kind of went from a simmer to a rolling boil at that moment, but I didn't show it. I worked with it somehow (I think that's when the chocolate made an appearance).

Also, I can tell you that this morning I feel like a parolee who has been denied. I feel like yesterday was a chance to break out of what feels like my own personal hell, and I feel like not only is my release not happening, but my return to Anxiety State Penetentiary is going to herald even more stress as they are about to take away my yard-time.

I feel like knowing what I know about myself so far through this process, the likelihood of a trip to the darkside is on the horizon. I feel like sitting still will kill me. I think I have to keep moving as much as possible over the next few weeks...really getting out there, being with friends, being outdoors...I think if I don't do that, I'm in trouble. So I'm going to do it. But it's hard. I really would like to crawl in the corner right now, and the weather isn't making that any easier. I'd really rather be all about staying home with a blankie and cocoa and a pile of dvd's during the next few days of ChristmasChaos.

But I believe that for right now, too much time to think is going to be a very bad thing. Being that I do a lot of that knit-think-knit-think-knit thing so much, I'm even considerring not knitting for awhile. Or if if DO knit, I might need to consider more technically challenging projects with high mental distraction value. I'm not entirely sure comfort knitting will work. We shall see.

So. That's me.

I've been out all day keeping busy. Now I'll go read some blogs and find out about you. Then I'm off to Stitch N Bitch for the night.


Anonymous said...

Waiting for resolution is the hardest thing. I'm so sorry that this didn't end for you. But I'm very glad to hear that you have found a healthy way to cope and are being aware of your own needs during this transition time.

I hope FK is making a recovery as well. What a bummer of a day all around...

Scoutj said...

Sending some love your way.

InkyW said...

the waiting blows, you are right. going out and being among folks is good and important. i force myself ALL the time, and the payoff is almost always worth it.

wish i was there to shiver with you!! tis damn cold here, had to resort to long pants and socks today (usually it's capri length and birks). so not goth.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you didn't get the resolution you need. And I'm so sorry about MFK's tooth! That sucks.

I completely understand about the knitting - sometimes, if it's too easy - it makes me think about things more rather than less. I get stuck in my head a lot and the distraction of a good sort of hard but not crazy hard so you give up easily knit is often what Dr. Cara orders. Like, say, Ariann. Just a suggestion. ;-)

Carol said...

what a nightmare. on all counts. it's barfland here, and i feel bad i just read your last few posts, so belated mojo and hugs coming.

Jen said...

Hang in there, darling. Some day this will all be behind you.


Anonymous said...

Big FAT hugs and OUTRAGEOUS "don't laugh-in-church giggles"

~Donna~ said...

Good vibes still coming your way while you wait. Waiting totally sucks.

Spence and I drove past the SnB spot and I thought of you. Glad you got out and about.

Hope I can do the same after tomorrow.

Carrie said...

I am so glad that you got a decent mediator, or better. We'll keep the mojo coming... oh, and throw in a little for the boy =) Good luck, dear, and keep posting.

Hannah said...

I'm so sorry things did not tie up better than they did. It sounds like you have good people on your team. (You certainly have a lot of good people writing you blog comments!)

If I see you on the dark side, I'll say hello. We've got a bit of that around here, too.

Gray said...

The parent in me absolutely cringed when I read about your son. That would throw anyone for a loop.

I'm sorry that you don't yet have a resolution. I hope that you get there soon and that it is favorable. We will all be rooting for you!

Anonymous said...

There's nothing much worse than not being able to help your baby! Everything else is doable.

jodi said...

Oh honey, hang in there. Hugs to YourFK from me.