Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Here's what's really going on with me. Vaguely. In that I'm not sure I can get into great detail given my current mental capacity.

I'm freaking out.
Everything feels like too much.

* MyFavoriteKid's symphony program keeps sneakily adding to it's list of required things the families (that would be me--singular me) must do in order for said kid to participate. Volunteer requirements and fundraising (of large amounts) are not voluntary. They are required. I'm already feeling too spread thin with volunteer stuff, but now I'm roped in or the kid has to quit the program.
* MyFavoriteKid also has a bunch of mandatory meetings that must be attended regarding a trip he will be taking to Washington D.C. in a few weeks with his school.
* Let's not even get started about his teen angst, or the amount of homework he has.
* The wee little chihuahua. I love the little doggy, but integrating her into the household is definitely taking up any extra energy or time I might have had.
* I had a very difficult an uncomfortable situation last week (that carried over into this week) where a neighbor caused me much stress and grief, and it sent me reeling.
* I have a whole list of one-offs on my own to-do list that must be tended to by the middle of next week including renewing my driver's license (I have to take the test again), getting the little dog spayed, and going to some state appointed doctor for a medical review.
* I'm supposed to go on a trip next weekend to see TheMIG's band play down in Los Angeles, and it's also my birthday weekend....but getting things set up so that I can actually go is taking so much effort it's not feeling like that much fun anymore.
* I am feeling a bit of the failure in that I am not living up to the goals I set for myself around so many things....like writing more and spinning more and practicing meditation more, etc. I'm trying to stop myself when I catch me beating myself up, but I usually don't catch it and stop it until I've thrown a solid left hook at myself.
* And last, but certainly not least, is the stress associated with this:

chateau de freakout

TheMostImportantGuy and I are in escrow on that house, and I cannot even begin to describe the many layers of fear I am experiencing around it's potential purchase.

As cute as the house is, and as much potential as it has, it needs far more work done to it than you can see from the outside. We are still figuring out if we can swing all the repairs, and there is a second round of inspections tomorrow to help us determine that. What really has me flipping is that it's bank owned, has been vacant for over 6 months, and it seems like it has been (and from what I can tell, continues to be, as in recently) hit by vandals who are stripping it of anything they can get their hands on.

All of this...all of it...well, it's causing me to lose sleep, lose my cool, and write craptastic blogposts that don't really say much of anything, and I am sick of it. And I don't know what to do about any of it except to maybe "take two of these, and call me in the morning," which I am off to do right now.


Peppermint Mocha Mama said...

Oh honey - you sure do put a lot of undo pressure and stress on yourself, don't you. Wow.

Alright - take a deep breath and grab some paper and a pencil. Make two columns. One says "Need" and one says "Want". Write down things you need to do on the "Need" side and the ones you want to do on the "Want" side. Be honest with yourself, that is the key.

Next, prioritize your Need list. Delegate what you can and see what is left. Do the same to your Want list but instead of delegating, start eliminating or alternating.

You just might find the most pressure is actually coming from the Want and not the Need. Just remember to be honest ~ it's not selfish to say "No" to some things or people. It's a lesson that I learned the hard way.

Hope you find some peace and balance soon. I'll be thinking about you.

JohnK said...

One BIG hug to you

Maggie said...

Back in the days when I sold residential real estate, I used to hear people talk like this all the time. There's something about the period after Deciding to buy a house but before Actually Owning the house that ramps up everyone's anxiety. The whole issue of vandalism and 'can we afford to do all the repairs' is also not uncommon.

Take a half-hour off for a scene or two from a funny movie (but please NOT "Mr. Blanding Builds a Dream House" or "The Money Pit") ... and then call me in the morning.

Hugs and comfort to you

Joan-in-Albuquerque said...

Best wishes and thoughts coming to you. Remember to breathe.

Dani said...