Thursday, March 05, 2009

and even with the best intentions, she is still tardy

Yesterday. It was only 7:10 am. And my entire day got derailed.
By this little guy:

That's a hummingbird in a coffin being prepared for burial. *sigh*

Let me tell you. I did something different yesterday. I let the kittehs out before taking MyFavoriteKid to the bus stop, and clearly that was a fatal error. In the 7 minutes it took me to get there and back, one of the cats caught their very first bird. They were going bananas with it by the time I walked in the door.

Now, I'm not a big fan of my kittens killing any animals. But I know that cats will be cats, and I know that I am going to be seeing more of this. I also know that a HUMMINGBIRD AS A FIRST KILL is pretty danged impressive. But I have some special feelings about hummingbirds, more so than the average bird (sorry, but I do discriminate, apparently).

In Native American spirituality, the hummingbird represents (in some circles) "Joy". So here I am, at 7-something in the morning, being faced with what I see as being "The Death of Joy." Now, this wouldn't be so bad if MrHummingbird was dead....but he was not. He was still alive when I got here. I got him away from the kitties, and I tried real hard to see if there was something I could do for him. He was breathing real hard, and I did some mojo-jojo energy type work to see if I could give him a hand. He opened his eyes and looked at me a few times, and after awhile, his breathing slowed, and he passed.

I lost it. LOST. IT.

Now, I don't want to go on harping about the car accident crap forever, but for those who are newer here and might not have the whole story, the reader's digest version is this:
Getting used to living my life with only one leg is NOTHING compared to living with the memory of being trapped in the car after the accident for two hours before anyone spotted me in my car. I was awake. I went through allllllllll the associated thoughts and emotions, if you can imagine.

How this relates is that this poor bird was dying from a traumatic experience right in front of me the day after the 5 year anniversary of my accident, and....well.....let's just say I cried so much yesterday that I couldn't get my face un-splotchy long enough to take those photos of the shawl.

So I took this one today...

...and now realize that I always seem to cut my head off anyhow, so sheesh....why I didnt just take it all red faced and spotty, I have no idea.

Ravelry project page ~ Ravelry pattern page ~ Designer's pattern page

The other thing I did yesterday, in attempt to settle myself, was to wind 1400 yards of laceweight yarn, "ol' skool" style. For those of you who don't knit or play with string....that is A LOT of yarn to wind by hand.

Don't let the soda can fool you. That is very skinny yarn in one very big ball. It took foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, and it took a whole lot longer than I expected. It's for the next shawl I am about to work on.

I have a few other things to show you, and my PLAN is to be back tomorrow.

reminder: my comments to your comments are back in the comments. If you even care. Just want y'all to know I DO actually read and appreciate what you have to say!


painting with fire said...

I'm sorry you've had such a rough few days! I've missed your posts - I comment very rarely but enjoy what you write.

Last summer we put bird netting up over our strawberries in an attempt to get to eat more of the berries ourselves. This worked fine until the spring's first batch of baby robins got caught when they starting to fly. My son and I freed several but one was so tangled that I had to hold it while S cut the netting and the poor bird died of fright and stress in my hand. My son and I were both so saddened. We took the netting down immediately - we'll share with the birds! I can't imagine what you went through 5 years ago.

Kerry said...

I'm sorry you had to deal with poor MrHummingbird. I hope next week is a much better one for yu.

Hypoteneuse looks amazing. What a nice big warm hug!

Can't wait to see what you do with that gorgeous laceweight. Any specific pattern in mind?

Anonymous said...

Owwww, that's some serious emotional string-pulling happening with that hummingbird. Hope the lovely laceweight helps you knit up some more joy to fill the gap that was made yesterday.

Lorena said...

There are many heart-felt and heart-full things I could say, but instead I am beaming those thoughts into your head and instead only publicly saying I am very jealous of your pomegranate soda.

(hugs, you)

Anonymous said...

I don't know what to say. That usually keeps me from commenting, but I feel like I owe it to you to attempt to express how moving it was to read the story about the bird. I'm sorry it caused so much sadness for you. The bird was lucky to have been appreciated at its last moments, even if it didn't know, it must be a blessing of sorts. (This from the atheist...)

Anne P said...

Man - tough morning! I would have gone back to bed. Maybe twice.

I AM glad, however, you got your yarn. I love the visual next to the soda. A good color match, I'd wager. Enjoy!

MsAmpuTeeHee said...

Leslie ~ Aww, thanks for popping in and commenting. I'm with ya'. I have a "bird's share" of cherries, myself. I may have to rethink this though, if the cherries are only going to benefit the cats' birding!

Kerry ~ Hoping next week is better? ....Yah, meeeee toooo. The laceweight is from a kit, and is on it's way to becoming "Desedemona" by Miriam Felton. It's part of the Shakespeare in Lace subscription thingy.

Jill ~ Yes, I agree. More knitting with holes to disappear into. Indeed!

Lorena ~ Dude. Do you know that you ALWAYS make me smile when you comment? *hugs back*.

notsupergirl ~ Yes, I am trying to remember that. Some of the biggest shit I have had to come to terms with is the cellular awareness that we all do not get to die in our sleep, and that when it really boils down to it? You might be alone. As is A.L.O.N.E. This is why I volunteer in convalescent hospitals and visit people who do not have visitors. I like to think that MrHummingbird knew I was there.

Anne ~ You know, I wish I would have thought of that!!! I will try that next time. And that soda/yarn thing was totally unplanned LOL. Guess I have pink-ish on the brain!