well, I have figured out a few of things in the past few days

For one, throwing money at a situation doesn't fix things. I mean, I knew that. But I've been feeling a bit funky, and this just happens to be the week that the settlement check arrived (if you've been following along). All it brought was the stress of figuring out what to do with it and a 10 day holding period at the bank.

The next thing I've noticed is an interesting twist of my current emotional state: in my internal/emotional/personal life, buttons are being pushed that make me feel really little. In my external/mental/show the face to the world life, I'm signing escrow papers, hiring contractors, and opening investment accounts.
It's like a little rollercoaster.

And the last thing I know for sure is that I absolutely adore all of the comments I've gotten over the past week or two, and I haven't shown that be replying to them. I'm going to do that in a post this weekend.
But they really have been appreciated gang. Big smooches to everyone :-)

trying to keep at it

Well, it was my intention to write everyday for awhile to see what happened, and then on Monday I'd decided that I'd given myself the weekend off, and now here it is Wednesday, and I still haven't sat down to write something.

Why?
Because all I have to write about is this attack of insanity that I have been experiencing the last 4 days, and I really dont want to see it in print. But it's day 5 and I'm still feeling insane, so I figure whatthefuck.

Let me try presenting this as a math problem.

(auto accident induced fears of being alone + busy Boyfriend + visiting people at a convalescnet hospital who get no visitors)

~multiplied by~

(stress of buying a house + insomnia + raging pms)

~divided by~

(poor eating habits...sugar! salt! caffeine! chocolate! + too much physical work/moving/packing + not telling anyone that I'm not doing so good)

~equals~

Big giant mess, a couple piles of soggy tissues and a few anxiety attaks.


So what I've been doing for four days is this:
Functioning. And then when no one is looking, falling apart.


Pat me on the head and say poor baby, if you like...but please dont lecture me on what I should or should not do to make things better. I've had three years now to try therapy, medications, read self help books, gain the support of friends and family, listen to advice about it, write about it, meditate on it, talk about it, make art about it....

Sometimes this just happens. I know what my circumstances are. I know what sets me off. I know what to do when things get bad. And I know what preventative measures to take so that things don't even get bad in the first place.

But every once in awhile, the timing of the universe is just comical. I slip with my shoring-up-of-myself routine right at the exact moment when trigger-ish events push all of my (I have many, it seems) buttons.

I'll be fine.
Messed up for a few days, but fine.

And that's why I haven't been here in a few days.

dear diary, it's me again

I'm so tired I cant stand myself.
I haven't been getting long stretches of sleep for weeks now. Just little pockets.

Yes I know that buying a house is stressful and all that, but it's really the furniture and paint color crap that keep my head spinning.

See, I looked at a bunch of houses before making an offer on the one I just went into escrow on...and for each and every single one of those other contenders, I'd come home to "sleep on it", but in actuality I'd be arranging furniture around in my head while I was dozing in and out. I had to see if I could fit what I want in a room and still be able to get around in a wheelchair. I'd wake up at 4am and doodle on graph paper. It seems silly, but how else would I know if the layout was going to work for me? Oy.

Then when I had figured that out all, I'd start interior decorating with colors and whatnot.
Here's a little known fact about me: My entire life I have lived in a house with all white walls, except for a couple of years worth of wood panelling. Even the house I live in now, that I own, I've been here 8-1/2 years, and the walls are still white.
I've never done color. And I want color in my next house.
So I drift in and out of sleep picking out carpets and paints and window coverings and and and...*sigh*


I'm leaving now to go to an all ages dive punk club tonight to see Babyland.
I am very excited to see these guys, even though I'm dragging so low you wouldn't know it.
For sure they wont be putting me to sleep (click the pic if you don't believe me).

dear diary...

Well, I haven't written in awhile, and lots has been going on.
Big things.
Like house hunting.
And making offers on houses.

Yeah, I know. Houses. Plural.

See, the first offer didn't work out so well. The seller decided to use their adult son as their real estate agent. They listed the house way over anything comparable in the area, which would be fine if it was in tip-top shape, but it is not, and it's a buyer's market out here right now. So I went in low, not neccessarily to stay low, but just to get them down a bit. Then they came down a bit. Then I went up a bit. And then there was only a measily couple thousand dollars between what I offered, and what they were "standing firm" at. But their "stand firm" price was still more than what the house was worth, and I was not about too budge.

Did I mention that they were trying to play me against another offer they said they had?
Poo-butts.

The more I thought about the whole thing, I was getting really annoyed for being played that way. I mean, I know that's how the game is played, but it still pissed me off. Top that crappy feeling off with the fact that I knew that my final counter offer was still for more than what the house was worth, and I felt like I was paying $3 for a pack of gum with a few pieces already chewed up, when I could have gone out and bought a new pack for a dollar. I like the house, but it's been come to be known as the ScheisterHouse (apparently I mispell shyster, but it's the trickle down of yiddish in me, sorry). And it was beginning to seem that moving into a house that I was always going to call that was probably one really big fat bad idea.

So after the sellers of the ScheisterHouse laid out the verbal, "we're not budging" bit, they never really did accept or refuse my final counter offer...they just kinda let it time out. My counter offer officially expired Tuesday afternoon sometime.

So I went on my merry way and looked at another house yesterday, one for less money and in pristine condition. Pristine condition (the I-Follow-The-Martha-Stewart-Homekeeping-Handbook sort of pristine). Seriously. This lady has planted her very own garden of fruit trees, one of which, "...makes the very best orange juice ever,"...."Oh, and this is a Babock Peach tree, and this is Asian Pear...and this..." But she wasn't a snobby lady. Very humble actually. Just a little Type-A, if you know what I mean.

The house is a little small, but it is laid out wonderfully, and even though it's small, it's still way bigger than the house I am in currently. This new house has layout where the diningroom and (most of) the livingroom open to the kitchen, which the trained chef in me adores (in my current house, the kitchen is isolated. Very isolated. Like me. When I'm in it. *frown*). Being in this house would mean that I'd be able to be in the kitchen, happily slicing and dicing away, and not feel like I'm in solitary confinement. I'm more the LifeOfTheParty-type, anyhow.


Anyhow, so guess who was going to look at the PristineHouse that very same evening after I looked at it?!
No, c'mon...guess.
Yeah.
The twit who was the other offer on the SheisterHouse.
And what wheel does that gear turn?!
The one that makes the InexperiencedRealtorSon of the ScheisterHouse call up and say (two days late), "Sure! We'll accept your offer and let's just forget about that coupla thousand we couldnt agree upon, eh?!"

Hmmmm. Well.
"That's really too bad, SonOfAScheister," my agent says (that's not really what she says, but you know what I mean LOL), "but I showed my client another house yesterday, and I'm not sure what she has planned yet. Oh. And by the way, ScheisterMan, her counter offer has officially expired, so thanks for signing it, but it's a null contract," (she didnt exactly say that either, but again...you know what I mean...and I promise you, she and I were both thinking it).

So.
I went ahead and made an offer on the HouseOfMartha and all it's GloriousGardenage.
And I shit you not, as I was just writing that paragraph abve right there, the one about what my agent wanted to say but didn't, guess what....
C'mon. Guess. hehe

my phone just rang and my agent says that my offer has been accepted!!!!!!!!!!!
wooooohoooooo!!!!!!


Duuuuudes (hi, Carol!) , I am finally going to have a house where I can actually get my wheelchair into my own bedroom, my bathroom, my laundry room, and (once I ramp a couple of stairs) into my garage. The only room I will have to use crutches for will be the guest bathroom, which will primarily be used by MyFavoriteKid, so guess who is going to be adding "cleaning the bathroom" to his chore list ;-)

I need to go get me a glass o' bubbly.
YAY!

and yes, I know it aint over til it's over and all that, but whateva........
*smile*

a whole new blog

I've come to understand something.
If I want to keep up this blog, I can't do it the same way that I have always done it.

Historically, mosts of my posts fit into one of these categories:

* Posts that are reflections (or prattleing) inspired by a visual image, and image that I would like to include in the post so I can keep track about what I'm reflecting or prattling about.

* Posts that are general updates, lists, records, etc...of whatever it is that is current at that moment, often supportd by an image to give it the feel of my handwritten journals (all stuffed with scraps and doodles and stuck together with gluestick), ie more like a personal scrapbook.

* Posts that are deep thoughts that I am processing right here on the screen in some feeble attmept to crystalize nauxious brainfart fumes it into text.

* Posts that I spend wayyyy too long editing so that I can make sure I am going to be understood, which is often is not accomplished anyhow (and you'd think with all that time editing, I'd at least fix the spelling and grammatical errors and maybe even remove a few elipses....but...nahhhhh.)



Well, two things are keeping me from blogging the way I normally blog.

1) I am spending almost all of my free time witih the house purging project, in piecemeal.

2) The ComputerGods are against me.

Let me elaborate on #2.
I can't spend alot of time with my darling computer right now because she is still broken.

Oh how I love thee dear computer for at least allowing me to check email and have the occasional online chat with those I love clicking away with.... (I'm trying to be nice to her so she'll hold out a few more weeks until she can be sent to the computer equivalent of horses going to the glue factory, and be replaced with a shiny sleek stallion).

I have no usb ports.
I think I mentioned it here before already, but it's something about a surge and a motherboard or something something. Whateverrrr...I just know that I can't upload photos from my camera, I can't print anything, and I cant download music or podcasts to my mp3 player. For some reason, I have no speakers either, so I cant even download stuff to listen while at the computer even. Gah.

But it still boots up. And I can still get online to check email and be on the internet. Unfortunately, part of the attempt to fix the computer involved changing out the power source, and the "new" (recycled) power source has a fan that is so damn loud, that when I sit at the computer it feels like I'm at the dentist's office getting a root canal. In other words, I don't like to sit at the computer for long. Not long enough to be happily editing away at my blog, that's for sure. And not long enough for me to be sitting and reading anyone else's either, I am saddenned to report.

The purging project and the poopy computer have created a bloggers block, even though my creative self is not blocked at all, and I feel like I have tons and tons of things to write about here.

And I miss it here.

And if I want to keep the blog, I am going to need to reinvent it.

Sometime this weekend, between purging and donating old sets of linen and disposing of expired vitamins, I realized that if I really want to be "one with my blog", I'm going to need to do it entirely differently than I'm used to doing it for awhile.

My goal is to come here every day for a couple of weeks, giving it a commited whirl so I can see what happens. I'm going to be writing here more in the style of how I would keep a paper journal, which in my case means less editing of thoughts.
Expect lots of brainfarts.
And typos.
And few photos.
Becuase if there are to be any photos at all, it will be because I've decided to take an old photo that I had wanted to blog about but had never made the time for. I cant get new photos off my camera yet.


Hang with me if you want to, and we'll see what happens ;-)

And hopefully in a couple of weeks it will rain new laptops pr something.

here's the scoop

Here's what's up.

I hate my computer right now.
About a week and a half ago, my mouse wasn't working, and when I "fixed it", I blew up everything else. Now the printer doesn't work, I can't plug in my camera an upload photos, nor can I get music onto my MP3-playing cell phone. You'd think it's something with the usb ports, but TheMostImportantGuy (whos is much geekier than I am) says that doesn't explain I don't have speakers, either. I'm hoping he's got some time to take a look at the thing today, because it's driving me nuts.

All of this is making sitting down at the computer to read blogs, write a post, or even return emails, a very unpleasant thing for me.

So I've resorted to doing more purging around the house.

And yes, it has become evident to me that there is in fact, for me, a great big fat link between sitting at the computer for hours, and sitting and knitting for hours, and the piles of crap in my house. So I haven't been knitting much either.

But the house is coming along great. It's not the kind of great you can easily see, though. It does not have that zen feel or anything. What's getting purged is all the cabinets and drawers and underneaths of beds and stuff. So at the end of the day you make a trip to goodwill, but come home and it looks like nothing has changed. But I know it has. And our plan is to move this summer, and this is going to make it a whooooole lot easier.

These last two weekends and the days in between we focused on MyFavoriteKid's room. Now usually we clean out his room and discard unused toys twice a year. Once in June, right around his birthday, and once in Decemeber, right before the holiday. Obviously a wave of new stuff comes in at both those times, so we clear a few old things out to make room for the new. But last summer I was on tour, so we skipped it...and I'm not sure what happened around the holidays, so we skipped it then, too. Add to that the fact the MyFK has made some huge leap with what he is interested in this past year, and there was a ton of stuff to unload. The entire backseat of my car has been filled with donations TWICE. MyFK's room looks great, and he got all crazy with the labelmaker, too...so it really feels like an organizer came through and made some magic.

So that's what's up over here.
When cleaning stops being so entertaining (because yes, it is hard work...but it is feeling realllly good) and the computer stops being a mean nasty bitch, I'll be back.

blog? what blog. (part 2)

Still catching up, but closer to getting current...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For The Birds



This daylight savings time crap is for the birds. Actually, now that I really think about it...no. It is not even for the birds!! AT THE TIME I HAVE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING, THE BIRDS ARE STILL SLEEPING.

Who had the hairbrained idea to bump up the changing of the clocks into March???
I am not. A. Happy. Camper. I am having to wake up in the dark. After dinner time isn't all wintery cozy like it still should be this time of year. And MyFavoriteKid and I are totally off track with the bedtime routine. It's like, whoops...all of the sudden it's 8pm. And it's driving me nuts.

Makes me want to move to Arizona or something.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of Moving

That's a good portion of why I haven't been posting as much lately. I'm on a mission to move. I've started looking at neighborhoods and checking out school districts. I've even spent a day touring homes with a realtor.

I can't stay in the house that I'm currently in for too much longer.

First of all, there is all those lovely problems with my neighbor. It's been all quiet on the western front lately, but still. Who needs it.

The bigger problem about where I live now though, is the schools. MyFK is only in 4th grade. and the elementary school is pretty decent. The local middle school however, is riddled with alllll sorts of problems. The 7th and 8th graders are already peddling drugs and whatnot. The kids from the more crime infested areas are being bussed in, and sadly the teachers are not equipped to teach them a new way of life. If you think that is bad (and I do), then the local high school is completley out of the question. There have been shootings close by in broad daylight, and students have to pass through a metal detector to get into the school each morning.

Ummm...I don't think so.

I'm moving us to a nice, clean, quiet, suburban (ugh), neighborhood. One with top ranking schools an a low crime rate. Yay. And it's only about 25 minutes north of where I live now, so getting back into down here to teach dance classes and see TheMostImportantGuy shouldn't be too big of a deal.

My intention is to move over the summer, hence all of this purging of crap from TheShanty. I'd already started organizing anyhow...but the notion of moving has kicked me into high gear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More About Purging

So, I'm learning some very interesting things about myself as I get rid of stuff. Expect me to be blogging about all these insights ad nauseum,

The current phenomena I am examining is the "Waste Not, Want Not" thing.

Here's a fine example:
I bought some shampoo and conditioner a couple of months ago, washed my hair with it for a couple of weeks, and I really hated the way it made my hair feel. All flat and greasy feeling. Yuck. So I bought new shampoo. But what did I do with the stuff I didn't like? I put it under the bathroom counter. Why? Well, because it was almost a full bottle and I didn't want to waste it, and besides...what if I run out of the good stuff? Let just forget about the fact that the shit was so icky that I probably wouln't even wash the car with it, right?? (I mean, hellooooooooo). Save the shampoo!! I might just need to look and feel that way again, right??

Duh.

So I'm passing it along or throwing it out. Someone with a different hair texture mioght love the stuff.

But this whole not wanting to waste thing needs to change, because if I never ever intend on using the item or passing it along....it is still being wasted.

I've figured this out by reading the blog over at The Seven Things Project. I've learned several things by reading that blog, actually. Check it out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Current Motto For Life

It's PBS membership drive season, and that has meant lots of shows with lectures. Hours upon hours about, travel, spiritual inspiration, and adding fiber to yours diet. You get the idea.

I kept running into Suze Orman's Women & Money show, so I gave it a watch one night. She had lots of things to say of course, but there was one message in there that has stuck with me like white on rice. Well, okay. I prefer brown rice. So, it stuck to me like brown on rice.

Anyhow, this particular portion of her schpeel had to do with fear, and where we get the courage to do things.

She was talking about how when we need to make a change, really the only thing that will make that change real, is an action. Not thinking about it. Not wanting it. Not wishing for it. But taking a decisive action towards it. She was talking about how scary that can be, and how what is needed in that moment is courage. But from where do you summon that?

Well, Suze goes on to say she has a little motto she uses for that. For those times when she knows that she really needs to do something but is "stuck" and would rather bury her head in the sand and wait it out to see if it fixes itself (yah, right)....she tells herself:

I am a warrior, and I will NOT turn my back on the battlefield.

I love that. I mean love it. I can use it on every single situation in my life that I am fearful of and hestitate in the face of.

I guess it helps that I already see myself as a warrior, otherwise it wouldn't work....it's the not turning my back on the battlefield bit that I needed the help with. And the mantra is helping. And I love it. It's my new war cry.

I was telling TheMostImportantGuy about this new amazing thing, and he got a big smile on his (instant messenger) face and said that it was very Xena. I've never seen a single Xena thing in my life, so I have no frame of reference for that.

The image that comes to mind for me is of Eowyn from Lord of The Rings. I could be here all day trying to find a screenshot of the exact moment in the film that I am thinking of, but this is as close as I can get to it, and IMDB wont let me save the photo to upload here, so you'll just have to click it.

Here's a few more of Eowyn to give you the general idea, though:







But the image that keeps coming to me most often is that one moment when she and Merry just charge full speed ahead into battle, and it's working for me.

Must go get me sword ;-)
I got things to do, man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's a little bit more of what's been up for me the past few weeks.
But there's still more.
Ciao for now ;-)

blog? what blog.

I'm still here. And I have lots to write about. I'm behind in my blogging, and I'm even further behind on reading the posts of my favorite blogs, too. I'm not kidding. I opened up my bloglines and it has over 800 unread posts in it!!! I'd say at least half of them are of Socks That Rock Club bloggers posting about stalking their mailmen or drooling on their yarn, so that's easy thing to scan and/or delete. It's like 400 posts and we're all saying the same thing. But seriously, I haven't been keeping up with my online bloggybuddys, and I haven't even read the Yarn Harlot in so long that I am 18 post behind!!. That's a good sign that I'm buried.

Why so behind?
I have been cleaning my house.
Not your typical cleaning, though (actually TheShanty is still covered in it's usual thick layer of dust).
I've been purging. Big time purging. Like on the organizing shows on television, purging.
It's going super-duper good, but it is one massive effort, and it has totally taken me away from the computer. Actually, I'm beginning to wonder what role the computer has played in getting me to this state in the first place.

So. I'm going to try to catch up with my own blog posting, and then catch up with reading a blog or two a day until I get caught up. We'll see how it goes.

I suspect the next few posts will entertain only me. It's going to be me trying to catch up on 3-4 weeks of posts for a few days. I have all of these newer blogable things brewing that I'd like to share here...deep thoughts, and some project spectrum photos...but I'm suffering from some kind of bloggers block with the newer stuff because I feel like I have to write about some of the older stuff before I can go forward. I thought about just letting everything go and just picking up and going forward, but of course I feel compelled to fill in the blanks intead. The list of topics is long, and it will take a day or two or three to do it probably.
But do it, I will.
So, here I go…the first installment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Comments on Comments

I don't think that I have replied to one single comment in weeks. Maybe I have. Maybe I haven't. But I dont think so. Hard to say. Let's blame it on the fever.

Here's a global thank you for everyone that sent get will wishes when I was sick, for happy accidentaversary notes, and thanks to folks that gave me things to think about. I always love that.

A very special thanks to Mr or Mrs "Anonymous" and their comment about how blue is the color of health, not just disability. Thank you. It's been very good for me to reflect on that. I love it when people get me thinking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TheBon Tour '07

So TheBon came to visit to California. We've been chatting on line for awhile, and she is absolutely just as much fun in person as she is chatting online. Second online knitter buddy I’ve met, and I have to say: All hail the mighty power of the internets.

We spent one day doing a tour of the East Bay. I hope the hell TheBon blogs about it soon, because she took some really great pics, and of course, I took nothing...but she had the fancier camera. The tour we took that first day together was primarily about checking out the buildings of famous architects. The highlight of the day was going to see the building that was the highest on her list of things to do (a Bernard Maybeck building), and when we got there, ladyluck was with us. A docent was just unlocking the doors to set up for an afternoon tour. But she first let us inside and gave us our own private tour. It was so very cool.

TheBon and I got together again a couple of days later to go to Stitches West (more about that in a minute). We were also supposed to get together for third visit while she was in town, and that was when she was going to teach me to spin (which didn’t happen, because I got the crud), so that was a bummer. But it means that one of these days I'm going to toss my wheel in my car and drive to Oregon LOL.

TheBon brought me one awesome birthday gift when she came:

275 yds of HANDSPUN and HANDYED merino/tencel that she made. Sooo yummy! (thank you!!!) I think it will probably be a scarf, and I really want to use a simple stitch pattern that will showcase the yarn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stitches

Well, I probably don't need to aks any of you fiber folks thing, but how much fun was Stitches??!! I had a blast, and I most definitely used my “get of (knit from my stash) jail free” card for the day….which is a good thing, because I needed some new yarny love to get myself excited about knitting again. I was in a bit of a slump, and the fumes of the new yarn has revived me.

I bought a couple of skeins of Socks That Rock in lightweight (Carbon Dating and Puck’s Mischeif), a niddy noddy, some of Cookie’s sock patterns, a couple skeins of Malabrigo, and a couple of Manos del Uraguay in the most luscious of saucy reds you can imagine (the picture does not do it justice).



My big splurge was to buy a shibori scarf kit from Blue Moon Fiberarts.



I’ve been working on that while I’ve been sick. Oooh. And I found a shawl pin for the Forest Canopy Shoulder Shawl that is being gifted in a couple of weeks.



How perfect is that?!!
What is very cool about this thing is that it is all one unit. You can't lost the stick part, and it makes it very easy to put on.



See? The pin is attached to the clasp. Neat, eh? The artist has a website here.

So all the booty scored at Stitches was great….but the best thing about Stitches for me was the people. For starters, I rode down with a carload of really fun gals, and once we got there, we met up a few more people there to shop along with, including Carliegh.

I got chat with Morgaine from Carolina Homespun for a bit (I just adore her).

I had a really nice chat with Hollis of Full Thread Ahead, whom I’d met at the Yarn Harlot book signing last year.

I got my Knitting Vintage Socks book signed by Nancy Bush, which was my total gaagaa starry-eyed moment.

Oh wait, I had another starry-eyed moment meeting Yarn-A-Go-Go!

And I got to meet no-blog-Rachel!!

I ran into a few ladies from my old knitting group at Skein Lane, and I got to run into Merrily Parker (designer of the infamous Mariposa shawl), whom I don’t see often anymore as she’s found a new SnB and has left us lonely.

I saw a woman carrying a Black Bunny Fibers tote bag and introduced myself, and (damn, I hope I get this right because it was later in the day and I was high on yarn fumes) got to meet Jocelyn.

And probably the best run-in I had all day was running into a buddy of mine I knew from back in my early 20’s: Rueben. He was very contendedly (or so it seemed) playing pack mule for his wife-turned-knitter. He had their new baby strapped to his chest in a carrier and his arms were loaded down with shopping bags LOL. It was very funny timing to run into them after all these years, because I had thinking about them regularly for months. They used to host these weekly dinners, and I've been wondering if one of these days if I could do the same thing. They would have a potluck dinner every Friday night. They would make a main dish. The door was open to a wide list of people who could just pop in unannounced on the way home from work. You were to bring your own plate, your own utensils, a cup, and dish to share. It was an awesome way to begin the weekend, and I have very fond memories of sitting around plates of good food in small clusters of friends, and just having something on the calendar that I could just go to, or not go to...but it was always there. I'm wondering if I can host something like that someday. Maybe once a month rather than weekly? Wanna come?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Bringer of Crud

I'll end by telling you a little bit about how MyFavoriteKid and I got so sick, how I got uber-pissed, and the power of my mojo to bring you evil...hahaha.

MyFK's best buddy and family moved about 5 hours north a couple of years ago, and they come visit every once in awhile. It was presidents week vacation, so I made a plan with the father of this buddy to have the buddy and the little brother come stay with us for two nights.

The exciting day comes. The kids arrive and disappear into MyFK's room to check out any and all new acquisitions since their last visit. TheDad and I sit and catch up on news for about 15 minutes. TheDad goes out to his car and fills my living room with sleeping bags and pillows and overnight bags. TheDad says goodbye to the kids, who quickly shut themselves back in MyFK's bedroom. TheDad is now on my front landing saying his goodbyes to me. TheDad turns and says, "Oh. Keep an eye on the older one. He has a bit of a fever. Bye!"

Asswipe.

*sigh*

So off TheDad goes. I take the OlderKid's temp and he doesn't have a fever, but he just had some tylenol or something. He has a wicked rumbly deep chest cough though and is spewing germs far and wide, and probably over every little game piece and video game controller that is being passed back and forth between all of them.

I call TheDad and basically tell him that he's an twit. He apologizes profusely, but he feels so stuck because this was the kids' vacation trip, right?? Umm yeah. Right. So I deal with it for a night as best I can, The OlderKid's temperature goes up and down, and we're washing our hands a kajillion times and whatnot. The next day the YoungerBrother starts complaining of a headache and now has a fever. I call TheDad and tell him the party's over, and I give the kids the boot.

Two days later, MyFK is sick as a dog. He misses an entire week of school. And a few days after he gets it, I get it...and I miss all sorts of important things, too. It was an asskicker.

I am capable of feeling ill will and am seeking to make TheDad be the recipient of my revenge. I spend several days wanting to call him and say nasty things about what he'd done to us, but I don't call. Finally, a few days after the fever breaks, I do call, to ask him for his email address. I'd taken some pics of the kids together and I wanted to send them along. TheDad answers his phone and it sounds like he's been punched in the face by TheWickedVirusMonster.

Dudes (hi Carol!), I kid you not....I shouted, "You got sick too!!" And then literally burst out into uncontrollable giggle.

I felt a little bit rude for not being able to keep my joy of another's misfortune under wraps. But only just a little.

three years to the day

a "trophy" given to me after the first anniversary sits on my bedroom altar
created by Brooke Fletcher ~ see more of Brooke's art here

The accident will always be a life defining moment.
For the last two years, marking this day has been an acknowledement of loss.
This year it feels more like a celebration of life.

a tiny placard at the bottom awards me a "Gold Metal" (teehee)

february

Snap A Dozen Days

this year's costume for the Rakassah

February

February is about dance rehearsals. The Sabah Ensemble often performs at the Rakassah in March, making February a busy month for rehearsals. Sometimes instead of, or in addition to, working with the ensemble on the Rakassah, I have occasionally spent this time of year working on some other project. this is also the time of year that I have produced solo works, and one year, I even produced and entire benefit concert. Sometimes it's been a student performance with another class, or like last year, I worked with another dance company.
Whatever production is in process, it seems to me like February is always the month of intense rehearsals. Things have usually been quiet during the holiday season, and even though there may be rehearsals in the first month of the year, it's like a "slowly coming to speed" thing. It's like the the creative impulses that have been brewing over the long winter months get to do this "unfolding" and we all get to just witness what is there.
February, however, is usually the month that we begin to put the nose to the grindstone. Those early impulses will get shaped into something more structural, and later in February comes the time that sequences get rehearsed over and over and over again, not to get them perfectly fine tuned (that comes later), but so we have more opporunities to explore the piece in layers, and to delve deeper.

February is about my birthday. I love birthdays, everyones...but especially mine. This year I turned 40, and at the last minute ended up having a fantastic gathering of friends.


February is the warm wooden floors of dance studios, layers of exploration, layers of fabric and costuming, candy hearts, and birthday cake.

house of crud

The above photo is an accurate representation of all I have seen since early Sunday morning.

A bed, really really bad daytime television, and lots of tissues.
I kid you not. I've hardly moved.
Lots of fever. Lots and lots of chesty coughing.

MyFavoriteKid has the crud too, and hasn't been able to go to school. Between the two of us, I really think the house should be quarantined. Every mug, cup, and teaspoon sits piled up as it has been used for warm teas, juices and doses of medicines. We could really use someone to come dig us out, but they should come wearing a hazmat suit. I did actually ask my parents go to the store and bring us fresh rations of fruit and more orange juice and whatnot so we don't also contract scurvy. We're so ill that my mom left the bags at the door and wouldn't step foot inside the house LOL.

If I owe you an email or if I'm not commenting on some big happenings on blogs...please forgive. I've read something like two posts in 3 days and I think my bloglines is about to blowup.


I'm going to go crawl back into the nesting pit now.

it is *just* an observation

blue is the color of disability

February + March = Blue/Gray/White @ Project Spectrum.

in which i jump off a bridge, become gifted, and prepare for a doppelgagner moment

Jumping Off A Knitted Bridge

When I was in high school, it seemed that I, "jumped off bridges just because everyone else was doing it." It was not that I was heavily swayed by peer pressure. Actually, I was the nerdy odd girl that had a rebellious streak. I stuck out as different, and at some age became to like that. When I did jump off the bridges that other people were jumping off, I was usually the first one with a leg over...and if I wasn't, it was because my friends had (what seemed to be) some damn good ideas. Bungee jumping had not been invented yet.

Calorimetry.
Everyone's doing it.
And I am jumping off the knitted bridge because my friends have a damn good idea.

When I saw the original in Knitty, and I didn't give it a second glance. It wasn't until I saw everyone else's done up in different colors that I gave it notice (I keep thinking about the advice to photocopy patterns in black and white so that you can envision your own own color ideas on the sample...but knowing me, if I did that, I'd probably end up knitting everything grey).



I love this thing. I can tell I need to knit a few more. It really does keep my head warm, and I've needed that around here this winter. I feel a little ridiculous wearing a knitted hat indoors (I look especially silly wearing my kitty ears hat to bed), but I've been turning the heat way down, and having a warm head really helps. Calorimetry is just the ticket. Toasty!

I also love this because I got to put the handspun sent to me by TheBon to good and gorgeous use (who, btw, just phoned to say she has arrived in town! Woohoo! More on that below).

Calorimetry
Yarn: Handspun from TheBon, merino singles plied with beaded black perle cotton (approx 73 yds), photo of it as a skein found here
Needles: US #8, Denise
Pattern: Calorimetry
Finished: 2/8/07
Modifications:
* I reduced the cast on to 104 sts, then knit to my own center (which I decided for me was having 34 stitches on the outside ends of each marker)
* I was afraid I would not have enough yarn to complete the project, so I did the first 3 rows and the last 3 rows in a contrasting color., black (from stash, Cascade 220).
Notes:
My first thought was that having a button closure seemed pointless. I planned to seam it shut and use it like a regular head band. I am so glad I did not. I looooove that I can take the thing on and off without mussin' up all my dangly little tendrils. It rocks.

I ended up having enough of the handspun left over after all, so I knit myself a wristband. Now I can be all "matchy matchy."


Even after the wristband, I still had a bit of yarn left, so I tied so lengths of it onto an elastic hairtie to make this fun little ponytail holder. It makes me look like I have hair wraps or soemthing. I dig it. It's very fun. I dont have a pic of it, but if I can get one, I'll post it.

I'm have Calorimetry #2 on the needles with more leftover stash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gifted



Karen the Dancing Lurker, knit me this absolutely gorgoues scarf for my birthday. I just love it, and have been wearing it often. It's very lofty and soft.



It is very hard to capture the color. It's sort of blue, sort of purple. I'm going to call it "purple-winkle." LOL



She used two really fine yarns held together throughout, but she couldn't remember what she uesed. I have a hunch one of them is Kid Silk Haze. She's made another scarf or two with the same stitch pattern, and I think she got the pattern at ArtFibers (but I'm not sure, so I'm not going to link to it). Maybe Karen will confirm that in the comments (hint-hint), or maybe not... because she usually only comments here when I talk about chocolate ;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Doppelganger Cometh

TheBon of CatharticInk has rolled into town to visit a friend of hers, and we have plans to hook up while she is here! We're going to Stitch N Bitch tonight, and over the next few days we'll be meeting up to do a little touring around for good photos to take (she likes to shoot buildings). I've heard talk of Ikea, too. We're also going to Stitches on Saturday. Oh, and if the timing works out, she'll stop by my place and give me a little spinning lesson on the new wheel.

because it is that important

This is not the post I intended for today.
I was working on a knitting post this morning. I was uploading photos and took a break to sip tea and read some other people's blogs.
That's when I ran across something else that is going to have my head cracking wide open for quite some time. So I need to share it.

* Please watch the video clip that I will link to below.
* Please watch it ALL the way through, even if the first part seems challenging for you. In the second portion of the video, the author will offer an english translation for you, and it is a message worth waiting for.
* Please watch this if you interact with (or have wondered how to react to) people with autism or other cognitive disabilities.
*Please watch this if you engage in a psychological or spiritual practice that involves any sort of immersion method for connecting with all that is happening in the world around you.
* Please watch this if you create dance, music, art.

Thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The video: In My Language

What the creator of this work offers as a description: The first part is in my "native language," and then the second part provides a translation, or at least an explanation. This is not a look-at-the-autie gawking freakshow as much as it is a statement about what gets considered thought, intelligence, personhood, language, and communication, and what does not.

Found via: The Rolling Rains Report (click through for other thoughts and links)
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It must be the dancer/performer/artist in me, but I'd rather you guys just watch this, process it, and allow it to affect you in whatever way it does...as opposed to my offering my own conclusions.

I will say that it has moved me tremendously.
I will say that it definitely will have impact in my own dancing, and in the dancing I do with people with cognitive disabilities.
And I will say that I now want to figure out who in Radiohead is autistic ;-)

the week in review

Monday Night: Puking marathon.

Tuesday: Napping on hospital guerney. Frequent pokes, prods, and x-rays.

Tuesday Night: Confusion about what day it is. Recon mission to Jamba Juice. Lord Of The Rings as lullaby.

Wednesday: All day spent discussing legal/lawsuit matters. Should have been resting, got 7 hours on the phone with attorneys instead. No food appealing, not even chocolate (read as = something definitely amiss).

Wednesday Night: Every muscle in body sore from the previous day's hurl-a-thon; Wonton soup with TheMostImprotantGuy. Wonder why settling the lawsuit doesn't feel like a huge relief. Finish the last dvd in the 5th and final season of Six Feet Under.

Thursday: Sour stomach. Would consider doing illegal things to obtain a massage, but too frumpy looking to attract customers. Watch more laundry pile up.

Thursay Night: Teach dance class. Rehearsal until midnight. No rest for the weary.

Friday: Body feels like crap. Mind unusually quiet. Breathing noticeably different. Thinking the last time I breathed this deep was 3 years ago.

Friday Night: Mom's chicken soup (the ElixerOfLife); Visiting with my 92 ("and a 1/2," says she) year-old grandmother visiting from out of state. Begin writing this blogpost from Dad's computer. Think that "the man who has everything" really needs me to get him DSL for his birthday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Rewind....and take a look at Wednesday night again.
I tried to slip in some big news when ya' weren't lookin'.
Now let's all join hands and sing Kumbaya (or pogo around and sing Blister In The Sun or something).

For those keeping track, I accepted a settlement offer in my lawsuit.

I'm afraid to talk about it too much because I'm afraid I'm going to jinx it. It sort of feels like knowing that you are pregnant, but only by a few weeks, and you're trying to figure out how to walk around with a dumb ass grin on your face, because you're trying to wait a little longer for things to "stick" before you go telling people.

As far as I'm concerned with this lawsuit, it aint over til the PhatLady sings, and she hasn't sung yet. So I'm announcing it, but I still haven't had a glass of champagne yet (which could partially be attributed to the fact that my tummy is still messed up and I'm afraid that the person I toast would be wearing it). This probably wont really hit me until the papers are signed (which is weeks away). Currently I am in some sort of phase of shock, denial, and/or suspicion about the whole thing.

TheMIGuy guesses it won't hit me until I see actual money. If that's the case, then just seeing the money probably wont be enough....I will probably need to go out to celebrate at a restaurant without worrying if some check is bouncing somewhere because I just used my ATM card LOL.

One big shift though. I did, at least, wake up yesterday morning not fretting about next week's court date (now moot). And it was a noticeable difference.
I felt a whole lot lighter.
I had a glimpse.
And all was quiet on the western front.
For the first time in a long time, I saw space inside my head.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you who have been hanging out being the best cheerleaders and mojo-providers ever:
THANK YOU.

Mission Accomplished.

here. have a heart.

That's about as Valentinsey as I'm going to get.
(make your own damn candy hearts here)

I've never been into Valentine's Day (well, except as a little kid in school when we'd have those decorated cardboard shoebox/mailboxes on our desks and play mailman...but those days are long gone). It's not that I'm anti-Valentine's Day.
I have a terrible weakness for candy conversation hearts.
Today is a holiday that cranks out some of my most favorite handmade crafts.
And I'd never in a million years turn down a love note from my sweetie.
Or flowers.
Or dressing up for a fancy dinner out.
But those things mean so much more to me when they show up on some random day rather than some pre-designated commercialized day in February.

Oddly enough, even though I don't personally celebrate Valentine's Day, I actually have some bizarre thing going on where I enjoy watching other people celebrate it. I'm not quite sure what that says about me, but feel free to psychoanalyze.

Anyhow. I'm very lucky that my heart belongs to a Boy that feels the same way about holidays that I do, or today would be a bit odd!

So....To TheMostImportantGuy...since my heart belongs to You...here it is:



~~~~~~~~~~~

I have some knitting to show, but it's going to need to wait for the next post.

Today I am still recovering from this:



A day in the emergency room.
And I am now going to ramble on about it.


Monday night MyFavoriteKid and I picked up some fast food. I won't say from where, but I will say it was supposed to be "Finger Lickin' Good." TheMostImportantGuy came by later that night so we could tuck in and watch the last few episodes of Six Feet Under, which we are very close to completing.

About 10pm, I started getting sharp abdominal pains, right below my ribcage. I was thinking it was some sort of gassy thing, so I popped some antacids and then had a few sips of some really fizzy soda water to make myself burp. By midnight, I was out on the sofa performing the hourly tossing-of-the-cookies. I couldn't keep a single thing down. Not even anti-vommitting medication, or even those tiny sips of water they always suggest.

Now, I've had food poisoning before, and I've had stomach flus, but what was really unusual about this was the quality, the location, and the intensity of the abdominal pain. I could not find one solitary position I could be in where it didn't hurt. Match that with the fact that I had no fever, and I didn't have the typical accomanying trots, if ya' know what I mean. I was up the entire night, except for a couple 10 minute catnaps between hurling sessions.

Around 6:30am Tuesday morning, I called the advice nurse to see if there was something I was forgetting to do, and to see if could make an appointment to come down and get an injection of this medication that stops the puking (I remembered this from the last food poisoning episode--which I got from frozen green beans, no less). Anyhow, after many questions and answers, the nurse put me on hold to review things with a doctor on duty, and they decided I needed to come to the emergency room, stat. Lovely. Why? Because it sounded like I needed an IV to replace lost fluids, and they don't do those in the clinic.

So TheMIG helped me pack MyFK off to school, and then drove me down to the ER. After a good long wait to get admitted and settled into a room, the doc comes in and wants to poke around my belly and that's when he asks about the scar. During my big 'ol traumatic event of a few years ago, they opened me up from sternum to pelvis to resuscitate me.
Heh. Don't ask me how I forget about that when I list my now very long list of previous surgeries. It's only like 18" long. I mean, it is definitely a feature LOL. It didn't even occur to me to mention it to the advice nurse over the phone earlier in the morning. But hey, since I'm in the ER throwing up, and nothing is exiting the normal channels if ya' know what I mean, they are now concerned about there being some sort of blockage caused by the previous injuries and surgeries. That didn't even occur to me, although it makes logical sense.

Well, 4 or 5 long naps, 3 IV's given, 2 x-rays taken, 1 injection for barfing (and a partidge in a pear treeeeeeee), and I'm fine. There was no obstruction. And there is no way to know what the actual cause of my illness was.
I hate that.

TheMIG stayed with me at the hospital all day, missing an entire day of work, just watching the drip of the IV and me napping, I suppose. He really didn't have to be there. I was asleep the whole time, but it was verrrry comforting to have a warm smiling face looking at me every time I cruised in and out of sleepyland (see!! Pfffft on Valentines Day...these are the days that warm my heart and show true love). At least TheMIG brought a good book. He was reading something that was making his laugh so hard that a few times he was practically crying, and he said that one time the nurse came in to check on things and he had to straighten himself up for fear he'd look like he was upset about my being in the hospital hahahaha.

After I was discharged, TheMIG brought me home and then left to catch up on his work day. MyFK's dad stepped in and came by to help the kiddo with homework. Somewhere in that timeframe, I crawled into bed and fell alseep again. When I woke up I thought it was sunrise of the next morning, but it was really just sunset of the same day. I always freak out when that happens. So there I was scrambling to get dressed, and yelling out to my child to wake up and get ready for school, and then I really freaked because my child wasn't even in the house! Once I got my wits about me, I realized that his dad had taken him out to dinner and to guitar lessons. I guess they tried to wake me up to say goodbye, I was down for the count.

Once MyFK returned home from dinner, I started getting hungry (a good sign) but didnt have anything in the house that sounded tasty. My body was craving protein, but everything I had in that category was difficult to digest. I wanted to go out and pick up a smoothie. MyFK didn't want to go out again, as he had just returned, so he offered to make me a "Steak Shake" out of found ingredients in the kitchen. Ummmmm...yah. I managed to talk him out of that, and we took a ride to the local Jamba Juice for a gi-normous protein shake. When we got home we watched a little Lord Of The Rings Trilogy and somewhere in there TreeBeard talked me to sleep.

So that brings me to today.

Conversation hearts sound utterly disgusting, as does the thought of gourmet chocolates in a shiny box with a red ribbon (which is a clear indication to me that I am still not back to normal--this girl never refuses chocolate), so it's a good thing nobody's getting either of those things for me anyhow.

My body is stiff from too many hours wretching and trying to curl up on an uncomfortable couch or a hospital bed, I have a bit of a headache, and a sour stomach. But I'm here typing a blogpost, so I must not be all that bad.

If my heart was all warm and fuzzy and lovely today for Valentine's Day, I'd never know it.

So it's a very good thing I can be warm and fuzzy and lovey every other day of the year.

a little visual

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I truly needed a pleasant distraction today, and I had fun tinkering with this.
It sort of reminded me of my ol' scrapbooking days!

Ganked from Snarkland (thank you!).

(ed to add: if you are reading this via bloglines, you must think I have a whole lot of fun with nothing. The image doesn't show up! You'll have to visit my blog directly, or better yet...just go make your own and tell me about it so I can check yours out!)

forest canopy shawl

Forest Canopy Shoulder Shawl
Yarn: from Black Bunny Fibers in "Mexican Sunflower", handpainted laceweight merino wool(100g skein, approx. 880 yds)
Needles: Crystal Palace Bamboo 26" circulars, size US#6 (4.25mm)
Pattern: by Susan Pierce Lawrence, available here
Modifications: I did 15 pattern repeats (Susan recommended 14 for laceweight yarn to accomplish the suggested shoulder shawl size). It's good as it is, but I wished I had trusted my gut and done 17.
My Finished Measurements: 50" span, 23" down the spine
Started: November 23, 2006
Finished/Blocked: January 21, 2007 / February 1, 2007
Notes:
* This pattern was everything this designer promised. Perfect first shawl pattern. Excellent for gearing up to something more complex. Had the pattern memorized after the first repeat (very easy fabric to "read"). And it was a quick knit (I know it took me a long time as the calendar goes, but if I were to add up the actual hours spent knitting, I don't believe it was very many...and if you do it in the suggested yarn, it's gotta be a snap!).

* This shawl is a gift for an April birthday, and will be given with an accompanying shawl pin (I think this one, in the one in the upper left corner)...but if I were to knit another shawl for me, I'm not sure about the small size. I think I prefer traingular shawls a bit larger (I know I like stoles to be big). But I also think that a large traingular shape may = bad with crutches and/or wheelchair. So I'm going to try this shoulder size out with the pin before I gift it.

* The yarn is what made this such a joyful knit for me. These aren't colors that I normally wear. Oranges tend to wash me out a bit (although now that I see it on me, I'm kinda liking it!). Anyhow, this is my first time knitting with rusts, browns, and oranges...although I have always wanted to have them in my hands, if you know what I mean. It was a very warm and comforting colorway to have in front of me. The yarn felt comforting running through my fingers, and it blocked easily. The finished shawl is soft, lofty, and cozy.

* Using my handy dandy food scale, I see that I used a little less than half the yarn, so I could actually make a twin! But I think I might use it to make a wimple from Arctic Lace.

* The bamboo needles themseleves were great. They had a suitable point for the yarn, the bamboo was smooth but gave just enough grab on the yarn. I do not have words to tell you how much I hated the join, though. It was miserable. Supposedly this is their "new design" with the "improved" join! (my next shawl will be on Addis or KnitPicks, I think...I'm willing to brave the slick metal needles)

* My first time with the blocking wires. I reallllllly did not enjoy the process of getting damp knitting threaded onto the wires. Too fiddly and unpleasant. But once it was on the wires?? Ooooh, man. SO easy to manipulate. Using 1/10 the amount of pins on the straight edges and no scalloping made it worth suffering through the few minutes I didn't care for.

....and I'm already missing the lace and ready to to cast-on for more :-)

that's one big boat!

Boat.
Hahahaha--just kidding mom! I know it's a SHIP (she hates it when people call a ship a boat...oh, and mom, on the tv news some reporters were calling her a boat, and I found myself gritting my teeth, so you have officially rubbed off on me).

Actually, the Captain said the Queen Mary 2 isn't even a ship.
She's an OCEAN LINER.
And she's huge. In that pic above, see that little white square in the distance just to the left of the ship?? That's a cargo van.

The bridge.

The cabins, and the embarking zone for loaded-with-dough passengers (cheapest ticket was $21k...most expensive $186k).

What a fun outing we had yesterday!
After a hearty after school snack for MyFavoriteKid, we headed on over to SF. It seemed that everyone in town was heading down to the wharf to catch a glimpse of the QM2. This is the largest ship ever to enter the San Francsico Bay, and when she came in under the Golden Gate Bridge on Sunday, she only cleared it by 12 FEET!

Getting to the piers to see her was a little crazy making. There was a second cruise ship docked in SF yesterday. Traffic along the Embarcadero was horrendous, so we pulled off on a side street and walked (well, MyFK walked...I rolled). We scoped it out on a map this morning, and we think we covered about 4 miles round trip.

It was a pretty interesting thing. Not only were tourists everywhere, but all the locals were out in full force playing tourist, too.

(Just to give perspective, this shot was taken on full zoom from across a 4 lane street that has a trollycar station and two platforms in the median)

Come dinner time though, one thing us "local tourists" know that the real visitors don't, is how to avoid the tourist traps and head for the secret hiding spots.

See, us locals know where to find The Mecca O' Crab Season down at Fisherman's Wharf.



We walked right past the schmancy restaurants serving up crab dinners for $28 a head, and made way instead for the waterfront crabshacks.



For 19 bucks we scored enough crab to feed both of us, plus clam chowder, a pile of fries, some sodas, and salt water taffy. Score.


After dinner we took the long trek back to the car, stopping by to catch one last look at Her Majesty.



Just. Gorgeous.

More official word and video about her arrival can be found here.

(ps..MyFK took that night shot, and wants/deserves credit for it. Oops, my bad...he also took that earlier side shot of the ship, too).
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I did have a RudeGimpMoment yesterday. I bit off the head of a well-to-do-er. I thought I'd outgrown that, but I can be such a bitch it's probably silly for me to buy into that belief.

Look at this pic again.



Wayyyyy down in the bottom left-ish corner of the photo, you can see a black gate, and then the heads of many people pressed up against the black gate, trying to take photos between the bars.

People were stacked up behind the fence about 5 people deep. But it wasn't like being at a heavy metal concert where you plant yourself firmly in the front row with a throng of people behind you pushing forward (been there, done that...so I know). Everybody yesterday was playing nice. People would get their turn up at the fence, they'd take a picture, they'd ooh and ahh for a moment, they'd leave, and then the next person behind them would move forward and take their turn.

Well, we did that drill during the daylight hours, and when went back to the ship at night, MyFK and I decided to do it again. We waited in the fence queue to get another photo. There was this lady standing next to me who was determined to help get me in closer. I kindly told her, "I don't mind waiting my turn, but thank you." Then she snapped at two people who didn't see me down low, and unintentionally tried to cut in front of me. She intervened before I even had a chance to handle it on my own. I (still kindly, but more firmly) informed her, "I can take care of it. I'm in no rush. I'm fine waiting. But thank you."

Then she blew it.

When there was finally only one person ahead of me and I was about to be next, she tapped the shoulder of the person in front of me who was just getting their photo op, and says to them, "This lady in the wheelchair wants to ask if she can get in to take a picture." Then she grabs the handles of my wheelchair to push me in closer.

Wait.
*I* want to ask if I can get in closer??????
I still have steam coming out of my ears.
Can't. Keep. Typing.
*long pause*


Ok. So.
I took her wrist, removed her hand from my chair (you might not think you are touching me, but you are in fact, touching a part of me, for the record), and told her, "I am capable of handling myself in a crowd, thank you very much. And I do not need an advocate. If I need help, I will ask for it."

Which in print doesn't sound all that bad.
But of course I can't convey the tone in which it was said. And I wasn't being courteous. courtesy.

But whatever.

I want to ask, "Why don't people get it??" But we've been over this before here already. I just have to remind myself that some people don't. I doubt my pissy-ness is going to be all that educational, though.
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Not wanting to end this post on a bummer note...let me say that the annoying moment mentioned above was the only poopy thing that happened all weekend (and I'm including Monday as part of the weekend...it was such a fun adventure).

This past weekend was just awesome.

Originally, I was supposed to go out of town for my birthday weekend with TheMostImportantGuy. But the more I sat with that I realized that I really didn't want to go anywhere. What I really wanted was a party. So very late in the game, like midweek....I sent out an evite to a bunch of folks inviting them to meet me at a local brew pub that served food and was kid friendly. I figured it was such a late invitation that most everyone already had plans and that maybe 8 people would show. There ended up being close to 30 people. Several of whom brought gifts, many of which were chocolate (I was even gifted a chocolate/sugar body scrub...do people know me or what?!). And my folks are so cool...they showed up wtih a birthday cake and candles (yay!). It was just a really great night, and it was fantastic to have so many great people around me.

On Sunday I had a quiet, loungy, lazy morning with TheMIG watching some of the last season of Six Feet Under. Later I went over to a friend's for a SuperBowl party where I ate ribs and tri-tip, ignored the game but watched the commercials, and knit.

Could not have possibly asked for a more well rounded and fantastic weekend :-)

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! Some of you I have replied to, some of you I am catching up on, and some of you I can't reply to at all because I dont get your email addys with the comments...but thank you very much for all the well wishes!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of knit.
I had pics of the shawl taken over the weekend...but this post is already too long and has too many photos, so I'll do that tomorrow!

today i am this many