Ahhhh, I am sitting here with a cup of coffee, and it's cold and quiet outside. The zoo-parade of animals has been tended to and MyFavoriteKid is off on his way to school. I have a huge to-do list today, but blogging is at the top (finishing that damn plying is 2nd), and so here I am.

Thanks for all the comments and support lately. Things here have been really strange. When people ask me how things are going, I am tempted to say, "fine"...but only because when I scan all the little "issues" spinning around in my world, every single one of them feels manageable. On it's own. What I keep forgetting is how many of them there are. Even TheMostImportantGuy called it ThePerfectStorm at some point a week or so ago. There are so many that I can't even see how to fit them all into one post, and writing multiple posts seems so daunting, that's why I keep not writing anything at all. Lame, I know. But deer in the headlights and/or procrastination are a pretty typical m.o. for me. The things on the list are so intertwined it's also contributing to that "stopping dead in my tracks, paralyzed," feeling (although it's usually stationary with tears dripping down my face), but the good news is that I am starting to be able to untangle things and sort them into "groups". I'm not sure why categorizing things seems to be working for me, but it is. Maybe it's like organizing my emotional closet or something.

So one of the categories is definitely related to death. Guernseygal definitely had a point when she mentioned that some of this is probably backlash to TheMIG's dad passing away in early December. No doubt at all that I have been thinking about him much, and at the oddest of times. I really miss him. Lots. But there's more in this category.

About two weeks ago, I got a phone call from the ExMotherInLaw that GrandpaG had died. This would be MyFK's great-grandfather (so this is TheEx's father's father). GrandpaG was a hoot. I have never met anybody so funny and snarky since, and when that blog/book/tv show/whatever came out....Sh&% My Dad Says...I was positive that GrandpaG was involved somehow. Now see if you can follow along here, but the last time I saw GrandpaG was at GrandpaKen's funeral (TheEx's dad). Ken died a couple of months before my car accident, so that was about 7 years ago. TheEx and I were already long separated, but of course I went to the funeral, as did MyFK who was in 1st grade at the time. At the funeral home, the family was seated on the "stage" where the open casket was, just off to the side. GrandpaG was sitting behind us, and as people were filing in and crying and expressing sympathies, GrandpaG leaned into us and said, "When I die?? Just SHOOT ME OUT OF A CANNON, will ya'??!! BOOOOM!!" Both MyFK and I started busting up, because how could you not, which of course was inappropriately appropriate. He made jokes like that the rest of the afternoon, except for when Ken was lowered into the ground, and I saw GrandpaG turn away with a tear in his eye, and he said to me, "No one should have to bury their own kids," and walked away.

I never saw him again. TheEx is exactly that, my ex, and I've always left it up to him to figure out his family stuffs. I always thought he'd take MyFK to see him over summer break or something, but he never did. Just a couple of months ago I was thinking that I'd probably need to do it myself, and that needing to wasn't even the right word for it, because quite frankly, I'd like to see him again myself.

Wellp, too late for that.

What really blows me away is that we didn't hear until several weeks later, and missed any opportunity to go to the funeral or send (timely) condolences. I guess the remaining sons had a difficult time tracking down TheEx, let alone me, and only finally got word through TheExMIL, who had been divorced from TheEx's dad for years and years herself. How is it that GrandpaG's family was so out of touch?? It's baffling to me.

So the fun layer to all of this was breaking it to MyFK. He actually really remember GrandpaG, and a lot of his jokes, actually. Funny what sticks with us. When TheEXMIL called to tell me, I phoned TheEX and asked him if he would please tell MyFK. I had just gotten over TheMIG's dad passing and working that though with MyFK, and it was time for TheEX to step up and do some parenting, no? Well, do you know that TheEx saw MyFK twice and "forgot" to talk with him about it?? I mean, I know death is hard, and denial is a part of the grief process, but for crying out loud. TheExMIL and I finally talked about it, and she agreed to call and talk to MyFK. And then of course, I followed up.

And so that was that.
And then....
there is James.
He's my buddy that I visit at the convalescent hospital that I was matched up with 6 or so years ago by the volunteer organization??
James had to into surgery for some changes to his pacemaker, then he got pneumonia, and then the other day I found out they are putting him on oxygen at night, which is good, because when you look at him he is pale and his lips are blue.

Somewhere in all of this is recognizing the fact that my dad's mom is what, 96 now?? And that my mom's mom, who was moved to a convalescent hospital this year, sent me a Christmas card but singed it "Aunt" instead of "Grammy".

And now last week I get a call from TheBon that her dad passed away unexpectedly.. I mean, he'd been sick last year, to be sure. But he had been treated and was on the upswing and was even talking about going back to work...and then blammo. Didn't feel good in the middle of the night, and was gone within a couple of hours. Unbelievable.
(please do send her the mojo...she has flown back home and is in the thick of it all as I type this)


Yah. And so. There's the death part of my organized emo-closet. There's also a bunch of other drawers and bins in the closet though.
But that's enough for now. No?

I'm not going to proof or edit this, because if I do, it may never get posted (funny how that works with me)...so please pardon if it's rambling or full of typos. It's raw. Like me. !

vintage me

That's me in the closest lane.
First swim meet, age 7.
Backstroke always was (and still is) my favorite....breaststroke a close second.

snaps on saturday

Did a little spinning yesterday. It soothed my nerves and I have almost reached my goal for the month. I just need to ply the second bobbin of singles. This was my first real Navajo-ply (I'd only done a small bit once in a plying class). My goals is to have two similar skeins of yarn that have long runs of color to make some fingerless gloves.

Today TheMostImportantGuy went to the morning practice at the zen center, grabbed a quick breakfast to go, and jetted straight over to the vet to pick up Teeny. She went in yesterday to get spayed and to have a couple of baby teeth removed that didn't come out when the adult teeth came in.

Check her out.


Coned. And stoned.
Pain meds for a couple of days, cone for two weeks ;-)

another freebie friday!

So the winner of last week's giveaway is KarenTheDancingLurker!! (Karen, seems silly to mail it to you....I'll bring it in person to dance class next week, yah?).

The winner of the giveaway from the week before that was "suenapse".... and I still have not heard from you! Well, you've commented once, but I still need you to email me your mailing address ;-) Let me know where to send your awesome monster towels!

This week's favorite thing of mine that I am passing along is tea...


...specifically Peet's Winter Solstice Blend. I know we're a couple of weeks past the solstice, but from what I can tell, most of us are still feeling the effects of winter.

This is a loose tea (not tea bags. It's a blend of black teas from Sri Lanka, India, and China, blended with cinnamon, clove, allspice, vanilla bean, citrus, and awesomeness (ok, that last ingredient is not listed on the label). It's a lovely blend. One of my favorites, and I look forward to it when comes out every year.

If you would like to enter, just say so in the comments. Elaborate if you want to, but don't feel obligated. If you're shy just say "yes! enter me!" or something of that sort. Easy breezy! If you don't want to be entered into the contest but want to chime in, you can do that too...just let me know not to throw your name into the hat.

I choose a name on Thursday at noon, and announce with winner on Friday when I show then next thing up for grabs.
Have fun and thanks for playing along! I'm having fun with it. I feel a little bit like the GoodieFairie or something ;-)

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I have way more to say besides showing shiny boxes of tea. There will either be a second, longer post today, or I'll be typing today and editing and posting tomorrow.
Love you guys.

meltdown

Sorry about handing over my blogging responsibilities last night. That was TheMostImportantGuy that actually took over for me because I was completely flipping out.

It's official. I'm having a mini-meltdown. Well, let's hope mini. It seems like it's getting bigger.

I'm anxious, I'm crying in the supermarket on the frozen foods aisle, I'm yelling at the people I care about, I'm tired, and I cannot find one friggin' minute to myself. It seems like every. single. movement. I make is made to do something for someone else. Whether it be the zoo-parade of animals, or the people I am closest to, or various entities that require volunteer help.

I need a moment.
I dont even know how long of a moment.
And I dont have any idea where in the F%&$ I am going to find said moment.
But I need a moment of aloooooooooooone time.
Terribly.

I just need to get my head on straight, because something is not quite right.

Guest blog by TheMIG's cat "Tad"

I love the wet food, I hate the dry food.

More wet food please. Yes I see the dry food pile... And your point is....?

I will now eat all the dry food and leave the wet food untouched. Throw it away, yes. More of that last type of dry food please.

Where is the wet food? I shall not touch this dry food until I first have some wet food!

I am parched. I glance at the water dish near the food. Of course I have never touched it... How could I drink from that foul thing? Itturn away. There now isanother water dishnear the door which appeared recently. FEH! I am not fooled. I shall walk as usual out to the kitchen to drink from the glass humans use , which they always leave out for me.

Mrrroowwwl... Mmrrowwwl... I call mournfully for no reason while stalking the small glass of water on the floor.

mmmmm... Yes, this water is good. Not atall like that swill in those containers of inferiorshapenear the food.

I retire to the loft area to wait for the stinky man-human to come provide warmth.

Here's what's really going on with me. Vaguely. In that I'm not sure I can get into great detail given my current mental capacity.

I'm freaking out.
Everything feels like too much.

* MyFavoriteKid's symphony program keeps sneakily adding to it's list of required things the families (that would be me--singular me) must do in order for said kid to participate. Volunteer requirements and fundraising (of large amounts) are not voluntary. They are required. I'm already feeling too spread thin with volunteer stuff, but now I'm roped in or the kid has to quit the program.
* MyFavoriteKid also has a bunch of mandatory meetings that must be attended regarding a trip he will be taking to Washington D.C. in a few weeks with his school.
* Let's not even get started about his teen angst, or the amount of homework he has.
* The wee little chihuahua. I love the little doggy, but integrating her into the household is definitely taking up any extra energy or time I might have had.
* I had a very difficult an uncomfortable situation last week (that carried over into this week) where a neighbor caused me much stress and grief, and it sent me reeling.
* I have a whole list of one-offs on my own to-do list that must be tended to by the middle of next week including renewing my driver's license (I have to take the test again), getting the little dog spayed, and going to some state appointed doctor for a medical review.
* I'm supposed to go on a trip next weekend to see TheMIG's band play down in Los Angeles, and it's also my birthday weekend....but getting things set up so that I can actually go is taking so much effort it's not feeling like that much fun anymore.
* I am feeling a bit of the failure in that I am not living up to the goals I set for myself around so many things....like writing more and spinning more and practicing meditation more, etc. I'm trying to stop myself when I catch me beating myself up, but I usually don't catch it and stop it until I've thrown a solid left hook at myself.
* And last, but certainly not least, is the stress associated with this:

chateau de freakout

TheMostImportantGuy and I are in escrow on that house, and I cannot even begin to describe the many layers of fear I am experiencing around it's potential purchase.

As cute as the house is, and as much potential as it has, it needs far more work done to it than you can see from the outside. We are still figuring out if we can swing all the repairs, and there is a second round of inspections tomorrow to help us determine that. What really has me flipping is that it's bank owned, has been vacant for over 6 months, and it seems like it has been (and from what I can tell, continues to be, as in recently) hit by vandals who are stripping it of anything they can get their hands on.



All of this...all of it...well, it's causing me to lose sleep, lose my cool, and write craptastic blogposts that don't really say much of anything, and I am sick of it. And I don't know what to do about any of it except to maybe "take two of these, and call me in the morning," which I am off to do right now.

" i'll gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today."

Today has been thing, stacked on top of thing, stacked on top of thing....and it aint over yet. I still have more to do before sleep, and it's already 10:15.
Gah.
Nothing is bad.
It's just endless, is all.
I'm wiped...and I am on the dancer's conference call as I type this...and it's proving to be looooooong....so consider this today's post.

Lame. Sorry.

vintage me

Well, ok...vintage me AND my mom...the real star of the photo ;-)


April 1968...which puts me at about 14 mos. old


Ya' know, I'm gonna have to take a closer look next time I am over at my folks house, but I think that bookcase in the background is one of a set that my parents still own and use!

snaps on saturday (his 'n hers style)

I am doing a 3-day meditation retreat at the zen center.
Since I am staring at the floor, that's really all I have to share.

TheMostImportantGuy, however, is doing some rehearsing with his bandmate for an upcoming gig they have in Los Angeles.
He is also "dog sitting".

-----
Sent (with love) from my iPad

fridays here are fun

Here we go! Round Three.

Last week there were 6 entries for the monster hand towels. The random number generator chose #6, "suenapse". Please shoot me an email (see sidebar) and let me know where to send them! Enjoy!

Up for grabs this week is the Elizabeth Zimmerman book , "Knitter's Almanac: Projects for Each Month of the Year".

the original version, not the commemorative edition ;-)

I have most of EZ's books, but this is the one I've been flipping through for months now. I'm not too shy to say it's the bathroom book of choice right now LOL. It's also the book I quoted from on New Year's Eve, and it's also the book that had me believing that maybe I really need to just cover myself in knitting (knitted leggings at least, to be precise---that would be EZ's "Nethergarments" which you will find in September's chapter).

I'm guessing a lot of you may have this book already, but I had to add it to the mix because I just love it so. If you'd like to enter the drawing, just leave a comment. Or if you feel like commenting about the book (or whatever else is on your mind) but don't want to be entered, leave a comment anyhow and just let me know that ;-)

I draw at 12-noon on Thursdays, and on Fridays I announce the winner when I post the next item up for grabs.
Have fun!!

maybe it's the dog that needs to evolve

New little dog has mostly been doing okay. She still has some potty training issues, which I am not tickled about at all but I am willing to work with, but if she thinks she is gonna make in at home in this house here with me???
She had better not pull this crap again:


Arrrrghhhhh!!!
Gah!
Ooooo, I am soooo pissed I have to show it twice.
Sorry.


That is (was) a cake of Twisted Fiber Arts "Yummy". I believe the base is new to the dye artist, as I don't even see it available on her website yet, but it's that ever popular Superwash Merino/Cashmere/Nylon (80/10/10) that's been going around. This is a custom club colorway called "Dazzle" and it was dyed in the "Evolution" design. I've used the evolutions style yarn before on the Mara shawl, and also on a Clapotis. Oh yah, and also on a very silly hat.

I love knitting with the evolutions yarn. It's quite addictive to knit through the color changes.
I love watching the colors change AS THEY COME OFF THE BALL.

*ahem*

I am happy to report that at least the yarn does not appear to be chewed through. And if it was, at least I know how to pull of a pretty clean looking Russian-join now. But this was a pretty substantial cake, and I don't believe my ball winder can handle rewinding all of it, which really irks me (once again, AmpuTeeHee wishes she had a jumbo ball winder).

I guess I'll just wind by hand and bury the color changes into the center of the ball. Maybe as I knit and the colors come off the ball, it will be like a whole new surprise again.
Or so I keep telling myself.

duh.

I'm sure you guys don't come here for screen shots of my teevee, but sometimes I see something so stupid, I just have to share it.

From tonight's evening news and a report about the rise of accidents cause by laser pointers:

"Shining a lazer at an aircraft may seem like a harmless prank...but even a weak laser like this one...can cause a blindness. Lasers can even cause permanent eye damage....."

(which she then flashes several times at the camera, making my eyeballs scream)

She then goes on to report how the incidents have increased, and how serious it is, and while she is doing so, they are showing a clip of someone actually pointing one AT and airplane.



And it aint no youtube video...it's like, a professional shot.

And so who took THAT???!



I don't know why I find stuff like this so odd and stoopid and funny.
But I do.

hahaha...

The traffic lady:
"And now we'll move over to Highway 4 where traffic appears to be moving at the limit...."


...and then up pops the "traffic cam" which is immersed in the DEEP ARSED FOG we've been sitting in for days.
Yah.
It appears to be moving at the limit, alright.
LOL

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I realized this morning that perhaps my crabbypants is somehow related to the fact that I haven't had a moment to sit with my knitting since a week ago Saturday.
This will not do.

crabbypants

There's a whole long list of things that are making me crabby. When I listed them off to TheMostImportantGuy and I pointed out that the last item on the list was that I was verge of the PMS-zone, he said it was A Perfect Storm.

I'll be fine. I just got to looking at the next few weeks and seeing a whole lot of insanity mushed into very tightly scheduled spaces, and I'm not sure how I'm going to keep needing to breathe deeply into a paper bag or something.

I'm going to see if a cup of tea and an earlier bedtime helps.
xo!

state of the chihuahua address.

Let me tell you where I'm at with the little dog.

I keep telling everyone who asks that I am fostering her. I say that she was found by some friends of ours about 5 weeks ago, and that the wee little thing was running down the street dragging a leash behind her, but our friends couldn't figure out who her owner was. Since our friends seem to collect wayward dogs already (I think at present they have four..?), they couldn't manage another. We agreed to take her in for a bit, and whether she worked out here or we had to send her back, we were willing to pay for her to get to the vet, get her shots and get fixed. Teeny came for a visit a week earlier and it seemed to go okay, so we took her in Wednesday night.

Thursday I took her to the vet (how's that for a fine how-do-ya-do). She weighed in at 3 lbs 15 oz, and she was estimated to be about 18 months. She didn't have a microchip, had not been fixed, and when some of her adult teeth came in, they missed the baby teeth, so there are a few lingering teeth that should probably come out. She was also deemed to have luxating patellas (floating kneecaps). One is a Grade 2, the other is somewhere between a Grade 3 or 4, which explains the twist in her funky little walk (she's not in pain, and she has no difficulty walking, but she may as she gets older). Oh. And it was also determined that she had never had a litter, but that she had either just been in heat, or was just about to be in heat (Well, guess what. She's officially had a visit from Aunt Flo today). She had her first round of shots and will get the second round to finish the series in three weeks. The plan at that point is to also have her fixed and I am considering taking out the baby teeth while she's knocked out.

She seems to be fitting in just fine here. The cats aren't too upset by her presence, and the existing dog doesn't seem too jealous. She seems pretty smart and listens really well. I only had to tell her twice not to go near the cat food, and I haven't seen her make a single attempt since. She doesn't know any commands like "sit", but I'm going to see what I can do about that. She responds to her name, so I'm not about to change it. She walks well on the leash and doesn't have a problem with my wheelchair or crutches. My only big training issue is that she was paper trained. I'm not a big fan of that. I've been keeping a pee-pad thingy out, but she's been using it less and less and favoring the yard...in fact, she didn't use it today at all, now that I think of it.

She's super snuggly. She likes to hide under blankets, and at night she likes to sleep way under the covers. She seems pretty playful and interactive with Riley, but I think I'm going to need to reassess that once she is not longer in heat. She doesn't bark much (if at all) in the house, but is a bit more vocal when out of the house if she is feeling nervous.

I really think she's a sweetie, but if someone I trust fell in love with her and wanted to make her a nice home? I don't think I'd get in their way if they wanted to adopt her.

I aint sayin' I don't adore her. I'm just sayin' I think I am forcing myself to not get attached, is all.



Hope there aint' too many typos. I'm beat and I'm not even going to reread this LOL.
Off! To bed!! :-)

snaps on saturday

fork-it over friday, round two

Checking back to see if you scored??!!
Well, there were 12 of you in "the hat" for last week's item, and the number generator came up with #9. That makes Jen Anderson the winner! Please email me your snail mail addy (my addy is in the sidebar), and I will ship it out!

For the rest of you, no pouting please, because there is plenty more cuteness around here. Check out this week's item:

This week is awesome Monster Hand Towels that I picked up from ShanaLogic , a website that sells goodies from indie artists. The craftsperson who appliqued the towels is Kathy Steig, and the illustrator of the monsters is artist Keith Walsh of Dublin, Ireland.

Now, let me explain how I chose what I am giving away and why. Sometime last year, when I realized I was nearing a big blogiversary, I started collecting a large pile of items for a raffle, and I realized pretty quickly that I was gravitating towards things that were close duplicates of my own favorite things. This does not make me Oprah, and none of you'ze is gettin' a car or a vacation ;-) But you are getting things I love. Cute project bags are serious fetish of mine, and almost all of mine are made by indie artists (like last week's bag). Bags are such a fetish, you can expect to see a couple more.

The towels this week are a representation of my own "guest towels" (I have "guest towels" in quotes because even though they are hung up like guest towels, but they are in the master bath where guests never go LOL). My towels were also purchased through ShanaLogic, but I'm pretty sure the images were made by a different artist. Maybe the applique craftsperson who did the applique work was the same, but I honestly have no idea, because I've had them so long.


Okay! So there ya' go. If you like 'em (the monster towels...not my towels...my towels are...well....MINE!!) just leave a comment. Or if you feel like commenting but don't want to be entered, just say that ;-)

I draw at 12-noon on Thursdays, and on Fridays I announce the winner when I post the next item up for grabs.
Have fun!!

vintage me

1978


lots of time spent on the ski slopes....

chihuamantra

chihuahua ears, Riley and TheMIG in background
sorry so dark :-( taken after 9pm

The chihuahua is here overnight for a test drive.
And I am still doing the "tight practice" of repeating a mantra 1000 times everyday.

Tomorrow's mantra????
Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...Are you insane...